٩(⁎❛ᴗ❛⁎)۶ try 1ClickRepeater.com repeat youtube videos

ARCHBISHOP, n. An ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop.If I were a jolly archbishop, On Fridays I'd eat all the fish up -- Salmon and flounders and smelts; On other days everything else. --Jodo Rem


Ambrose Bierce

  Email Quote to Friends   Link to Quote   Create Short URL  Publish Text About This Quote   Share on Facebook, Twitter, and more
  See Recommended Quotes For You

Related

ARCHBISHOP, n. An ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop.
AMBROSE BIERCE
There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.” ~ Ambrose ...
J.J. MCAVOY
blackmagic on a person http://www.astrodost.com/how-to-do-black-magic-on-a-person blackmagic on a pe...
ASTRODOST
blackmagic on a person http://www.astrodost.com/how-to-do-black-magic-on-a-person blackmagic on a pe...
ASTRODOST
I have, alas, only one illusion left, and that is the Archbishop of Canterbury.
SYDNEY SMITH
I like to open for a band as it brings on sort of a challenge and it makes things more interesting. ...
KELLY JONES
No formal course in fiction-writing can equal a close and observant perusal of the stories of Edgar ...
H. P. LOVECRAFT
Any communication between a priest and the archbishop is personal and confidential. But obviously th...
DENNIS MCGRATH
All we can do [to come back from this loss] is work hard in practice. We have a game against [Archbi...
MICHAEL JORDAN
A fisherman who just caught a huge salmon reels the fish in, looks at the fish and says 'I am taking...
ANONYMOUS
The only time I really eat out is when I'm on the road. Then, I make the same choices that I wou...
YOLANDA ADAMS
I eat very well. I cook for my family every night. We eat a variety of things, including chicken, fi...
ALICIA COPPOLA
I don't know when a new archbishop will be named, but I am sure the process is well under way.
JOSEPH ZWILLING
I am not holier than you, you are not holier than me. Any one who thinks he is holier than the rest ...
BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA
No one, I fancy, would discredit a story that the Archbishop of Canterbury slipped on a banana skin ...
J.R.R. TOLKIEN
In my time as Archbishop of Canterbury I've seen a growing sense of unity and mission.
GEORGE CAREY
Archbishop: a Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ.
H. L. MENCKEN
Archbishop -- A Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ.
H. L. MENCKEN
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Tea...
JAY LENO
I'm a big fish eater. Salmon - I love salmon. My sister loves Chinese food and sushi and all tha...
ELLE FANNING
I get a lot done on Fridays,
CHAN GAILEY
When a lot of voices, make up a noise, the man who is silent represents a voice.
APURVA GAGLANI
There's different things (training) on different days. Mondays and Wednesdays we run at another faci...
MILES AUSTIN
They say that a part of you dies when a special Loved One passes away...I disagree...I say a part of...
DANIEL YANEZ
We are also working on the restoration of salmon runs, and we are doing a new process of mass markin...
NORM DICKS
We're here to revive a very ancient tradition where the laity are intimately involved in the designa...
JIM JENKINS
I cook a great fish, a great salmon. I grill it, get the skin nice and crispy.
BILL RANCIC
Commemoration of Theodore of Tarsus, Archbishop of Canterbury, 690 I find more marks of authent...
ISAAC NEWTON
As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and I thirsted for a meaning...
M. CARTMILL
When a child dies, a parent loses a part of themselves,” he said. “Your whole world ceases to ex...
NICOLE WILLIAMS
I'm not going to make that judgement. I'm not the archbishop.
DENNIS MCGRATH
A small pepperoni pizza on a tortilla is healthier than salmon teriyaki with rice and carrots.
JORGE CRUISE
I think we are well advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be, whether we find ...
JOAN DIDION
Archbishop - A Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ.
H. L. MENCKEN
Girl! I'm here to make you look Fa-Bu-Lous!
FAKE CINNA
The cruising life isn't for all of us. It isn't even for most
of us, but it is for some of us, ...
JIM TREFETHEN
I only eat fish - no chicken, no turkey, just fish. I get all my protein from fish and egg whites.
JACK LALANNE
Why does man not see things? He is himself standing in the way: he conceals things.
FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE
Doctrinal rightness and rightness of ecclesiastical position are important, but only as a starting p...
FRANCIS SCHAEFFER
You have to kill to survive. People have been doing it forever. I eat meat, and I eat fish. If I wer...
BENICIO DEL TORO
I am not hlier than you, you are not holier than me. Any one who thinks he is holier than the rest d...
BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA
Even when I was Archbishop of Wales and working with new bishops, I used to say, not realising quite...
ROWAN WILLIAMS
Sun shines on my back as I walk away
Sun shines on my chest and I return
The fall air is c...
BRENT M. JONES
Feast of Anskar, Archbishop of Hamburg, Missionary to Denmark and Sweden, 865 The Church is an or...
C. STACEY WOODS
Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he'll eat forever.
CHINESE PROVERB
The storms come and go, the waves crash overhead, the big fish eat the little fish, and I keep on pa...
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN
Doctrinal rightness and rightness of ecclesiastical position are important, but only as a starting p...
FRANCIS SCHAEFFER
Feast of Janani Luwum, Archbishop of Uganda, Martyr, 1977 The principal part of faith is patienc...
GEORGE MACDONALD
I normally work out six days a week. I'll do Pilates on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays, and ...
RACHEL NICHOLS
I remember seeing my father only twice as a child for brief visits. As I grew up, I invented a fathe...
KATHRYN HARRISON
Sitcoms are more like stage drama than anything else on film - more than a one-hour and certainly mo...
THOMAS GIBSON
CONNOISSEUR, n. A specialist who knows everything about something and nothing about anything else.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Bhulaney ke liay bhi tujhy yaad tu kerna hoga,
Magar her yaad se hain wabasta teri hazaar baata...
HUSEYN RAZA
We were young and making money playing rock 'n' roll. We were on national television and girls were ...
CARL GIAMMARESE
Rehashing the past wouldn't change anything. Time to move forward.
ZENA WYNN
The weather couldn't get much worse than what we had last Saturday. We were running up the lake and ...
LONNIE STANLEY
The Jackdaw sat in the Cardinal's chair! Bishop and Abbot and Prior were there, Many a monk an...
RICHARD HARRIS BARHAM
In the rough-and-tumble play of politics, dog-whistle messages are copiously dispatched over the hea...
ERIK PEVERNAGIE
That was a lot closer game than the final score would indicate, and with a new coach (Jim Goff) who ...
DENNIS GOLDEN
To give up a shorthanded goal at that point was just devastating. I made a bad pass on that one and ...
DARIN OLVER
We used to have an average of 75 seniors on Fridays. Now we're up to an average of 100.
LINDA LOVELACE
We wanted a place to cook, sleep, eat and work on one floor and it became apparent we couldn't do al...
JOE HALE
You eat and sleep it all day long and play on the streets until mom calls you in. My story is no dif...
ADAM OATES
The ocean," I said, "look at it out there, battering, crawling up and down. And underneath all that,...
CHARLES BUKOWSKI
I normally eat everything under the sun, but once a year, for a whole month, I eat nothing but fruit...
ELIZABETH MITCHELL
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for the rest of his...
CHINESE PROVERB
Most fresh-water fish eat water fleas at some point in their lives. They are an important food sourc...
DEREK J. TAYLOR
We had over 800 people here on Tuesday. There were lots of kids on spring break and they were catchi...
ALLEN FORSHAGE
I mean, the only thing that I was truthfully looking for was a fresh, new start, ... Everything else...
MIKE MCKENZIE
There are days I'll have everything planned out and something will break an hour before the show and...
DRAKE ANDERSON
All we eat is fish,
CALEB FOLLOWILL
Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Give a fish a man, and he'll eat for weeks!
, ANIMAL CROSSING: WILD WORLD, 2005
On Monday and Thursday, I eat fewer than 500 calories a day; then I eat like a pig for the other fiv...
JIMMY KIMMEL
I saw an armadillo trying to get up on the couches that were floating and the armadillo and my cat w...
DAVID KENNEY
My wife and I were in a band and worked together on and off since we were 19 or 20.
ATTICUS ROSS
Some days, I'll tell you that everything in life was meant to be and that there is an order to t...
TAYLOR JENKINS REID
Feast of William Temple, Archbishop of Canterbury, Teacher, 1944 If we are traveling heavenwar...
WILLIAM TEMPLE
You must have traveled all night,” she heard herself say.
“I had to come back early.” Sh...
LISA KLEYPAS
A great number of people wake up each morning with the thought of not just how to pay back, but how ...
ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH
Oxford scientists say fish learn faster than dogs. Fish use tools. They eavesdrop on each other to g...
KARIN ROBERTSON
Feast of Boniface (Wynfrith) of Crediton, Archbishop of Mainz, Apostle of Germany, Martyr, 754 Go...
ROBERT MACCOLL ADAMS
Commemoration of Alphege, Archbishop of Canterbury, Martyr, 1012 Nothing is too great and nothing...
A. W. PINK
Before now, I used to be a victim of my environment. I saw people me blame the nation and everything...
SUNDAY ADELAJA
PRIMATE, n. The head of a church, especially a State church supported by involuntary contributions. ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
I'm on this diet where you're supposed to eat only fish and meat.
LASSE HALLSTROM
What I think is that we in the church - and especially I as an Archbishop - I'm responsible for ...
GEORGE CAREY
Mothers yielding Bibles, contemplating smearing the blood of lamb chops over her doorway. Anything t...
ANTONIA PERDU
Maybe we're standing like coins on the edge?"
Allie considered this. "Meaning?"
"Meaning, ...
NEAL SHUSTERMAN
Now the LORD had prepared a great fish to swallow up Jonah. And Jonah was in the belly of the fish t...
BIBLE
A man may fish with the worm that hath eat of a king, and eat of the fish that hath fed of that wor...
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
A man may fish with the worm that hath eat of a king, and eat of the fish that hath fed of that worm...
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
It was one of those once-in-a-lifetime deals. The fish were really turned on. I'd guess I caught fis...
DAN JONES
It appeared to Harriet that she was always the one who remembered having seen other people. They nev...
ELIZABETH TAYLOR
I am and always will be a sinner. But that's the beautiful thing about Jesus. I'll always tr...
BILLY RAY CYRUS
I wanted to destroy everything beautiful I'd never have. Burn the Amazon rain forests. Pump chlorofl...
CHUCK PALAHNIUK
Don't tell me the moon is shining, show me the glint of light on broken glass.
BERNARD CORNWELL
Why should I shatter your wonderful fantasy with my boring reality? ~ Evie Snow
CARRIE HOPE FLETCHER
The whales, you see, eat up the little fish.
THOMAS CHURCHYARD
Don't focus on the days when you failed. Focus on all of the days when you won. Keep a chart, monito...
ROBERT BUTTERWORTHN
Everything had to be debated up, down and sideways. People were good, they came to understandings an...
JULIAN FANTINO

More Ambrose Bierce

WRATH, n. Anger of a superior quality and degree, appropriate to exalted characters and momentous oc...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Fidelity - a virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
AMBROSE BIERCE
RECREATION, n. A particular kind of dejection to relieve a general fatigue.
AMBROSE BIERCE
FUNERAL, n. A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and s...
AMBROSE BIERCE
... the instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his coun...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Insurance - an ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfort...
AMBROSE BIERCE
The small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify we give the name of knowledge.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking th...
AMBROSE BIERCE
The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Acquaintance: a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly un...
AMBROSE BIERCE
To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result.
AMBROSE BIERCE
A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man, who has no gills.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Politeness -- The most acceptable hypocrisy.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Laughter -- An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarti...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Alien. An American sovereign in his probationary state.
AMBROSE BIERCE
An account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly k...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Historian. A broad -- gauge gossip.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Mis...
AMBROSE BIERCE
A funeral is a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker.
AMBROSE BIERCE
An egotist is a person interested in himself than in me!
AMBROSE BIERCE
Abscond. To move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their deso...
AMBROSE BIERCE
A cynic is a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, and not as they ought to be.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Alliance. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserte...
AMBROSE BIERCE
A coward is one who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Compromise. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction o...
AMBROSE BIERCE
A bride is a woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
AMBROSE BIERCE
ALLIANCE, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply in...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo
AMBROSE BIERCE
Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscie...
AMBROSE BIERCE
One who is in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
AMBROSE BIERCE
ZENITH, n. The point in the heavens directly overhead to a man standing or a growing cabbage. A m...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Admiration, n.: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
AMBROSE BIERCE
BOUNDARY, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginar...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Faith, noun. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Education, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understa...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Happiness, noun. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE
History, n. An account mostly false, of events unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Dentist, n.: A Prestidigitator who, putting metal in one's mouth, pulls coins out of one's pockets.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Cynic, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Income is the natural and rational gauge and measure of respectability.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Optimism, n. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Mad, adj: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
AMBROSE BIERCE
INTIMACY, n. A relation into which fools are providentially drawn for their mutual destruction.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Litigant: a person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bone.
AMBROSE BIERCE
ZEAL, n. A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goeth b...
AMBROSE BIERCE
TELEPHONE n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeab...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreea...
AMBROSE BIERCE
I believe we shall come to care about people less and less. The more people one knows the easier it ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
PREDICAMENT, n. The wage of consistency.
AMBROSE BIERCE
ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions. Having received an ultima...
AMBROSE BIERCE
DIPLOMACY, n. The patriotic art of lying for one's country.
AMBROSE BIERCE
PORTUGUESE, n.pl. A species of geese indigenous to Portugal. They are mostly without feathers and im...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Christians and camels receive their burdens kneeling
AMBROSE BIERCE
Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum - I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.
AMBROSE BIERCE
CREMONA, n. A high-priced violin made in Connecticut.
AMBROSE BIERCE
PROVIDENTIAL, adj. Unexpectedly and conspicuously beneficial to the person so describing it.
AMBROSE BIERCE
BABE or BABY, n. A misshapen creature of no particular age, sex, or condition, chiefly remarkable fo...
AMBROSE BIERCE
A wedding is a ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothi...
AMBROSE BIERCE
PROJECTILE, n. The final arbiter in international disputes. Formerly these disputes were settled by ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
BAAL, n. An old deity formerly much worshiped under various names. As Baal he was popular with the P...
AMBROSE BIERCE
CARTESIAN, adj. Relating to Descartes, a famous philosopher, author of the celebrated dictum, _Cogit...
AMBROSE BIERCE
MEEKNESS, n. Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while.

M is for Moses,...
AMBROSE BIERCE
TEETOTALER, n. One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally.
AMBROSE BIERCE
TEDIUM, n. Ennui, the state or condition of one that is bored. Many fanciful derivations of the word...
AMBROSE BIERCE
MOLECULE, n. The ultimate, indivisible unit of matter. It is distinguished from the corpuscle, also ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
FEAST, n. A festival. A religious celebration usually signalized by gluttony and drunkenness, freque...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Vote: The instrument and symbol of a free man's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his c...
AMBROSE BIERCE
LOQUACITY, n. A disorder which renders the sufferer unable to curb his tongue when you wish to talk.
AMBROSE BIERCE
In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to t...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Advice is the smallest current coin.
AMBROSE BIERCE
SOPHISTRY, n. The controversial method of an opponent, distinguished from one's own by superior insi...
AMBROSE BIERCE
ALDERMAN, n. An ingenious criminal who covers his secret thieving with a pretence of open marauding.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confesse...
AMBROSE BIERCE
WEATHER, n. The climate of the hour. A permanent topic of conversation among persons whom it does no...
AMBROSE BIERCE
INDECISION, n. The chief element of success; "for whereas," saith Sir Thomas Brewbold, "there is but...
AMBROSE BIERCE
LEONINE, adj. Unlike a menagerie lion. Leonine verses are those in which a word in the middle of a l...
AMBROSE BIERCE
PILLORY, n. A mechanical device for inflicting personal distinction --prototype of the modern newspa...
AMBROSE BIERCE
APPLAUSE, n. The echo of a platitude.
AMBROSE BIERCE
WORSHIP, n. Homo Creator's testimony to the sound construction and fine finish of Deus Creatus. A po...
AMBROSE BIERCE
MISERICORDE, n. A dagger which in mediaeval warfare was used by the foot soldier to remind an unhors...
AMBROSE BIERCE
ELECTOR, n. One who enjoys the sacred privilege of voting for the man of another man's choice.
AMBROSE BIERCE
ORPHAN, n. A living person whom death has deprived of the power of filial ingratitude . . .
AMBROSE BIERCE
ENCOMIAST, n. A special (but not particular) kind of liar.
AMBROSE BIERCE
TEDIUM, n. Ennui, the state or condition of one that is bored. Many fanciful derivations of the word...
AMBROSE BIERCE
DEGENERATE, adj. Less conspicuously admirable than one's ancestors. The contemporaries of Homer were...
AMBROSE BIERCE
ALIEN, n. An American sovereign in his probationary state.
AMBROSE BIERCE
ASS, n. A public singer with a good voice but no ear. In Virginia City, Nevada, he is called the Was...
AMBROSE BIERCE
PAST, n. That part of Eternity with some small fraction of which we have a slight and regrettable ac...
AMBROSE BIERCE
APPETITE, n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question.
AMBROSE BIERCE
CAABA, n. A large stone presented by the archangel Gabriel to the patriarch Abraham, and preserved a...
AMBROSE BIERCE
ADOLESCENCE The stage between puberty and adultery.
AMBROSE BIERCE
CREMONA, n. A high-priced violin made in Connecticut.
AMBROSE BIERCE
ROPE, n. An obsolescent appliance for reminding assassins that they too are mortal. It is put about ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
REALISM, n. The art of depicting nature as it is seem by toads. The charm suffusing a landscape pain...
AMBROSE BIERCE
BAAL, n. An old deity formerly much worshiped under various names. As Baal he was popular with the P...
AMBROSE BIERCE
HYDRA, n. A kind of animal that the ancients catalogued under many heads.
AMBROSE BIERCE
FREEDOM, n. Exemption from the stress of authority in a beggarly half dozen of restraint's infinite ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
MEEKNESS, n. Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while.M is for Moses, Who slew th...
AMBROSE BIERCE
WIDOW, n. A pathetic figure that the Christian world has agreed to take humorously, although Christ'...
AMBROSE BIERCE
FRIENDLESS, adj. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth an...
AMBROSE BIERCE
CONSULT, v.i. To seek another's disapproval of a course already decided on.
AMBROSE BIERCE
PREDICAMENT, n. The wage of consistency.
AMBROSE BIERCE
BASILISK, n. The cockatrice. A sort of serpent hatched form the egg of a cock. The basilisk had a ba...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Strike while your employer has a big contract.
AMBROSE BIERCE
EDITOR, n. A person who combines the judicial functions of Minos, Rhadamanthus and Aeacus, but is pl...
AMBROSE BIERCE
COMMONWEALTH, n. An administrative entity operated by an incalculable multitude of political parasit...
AMBROSE BIERCE
ERUDITION, n. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.So wide his erudition's mighty span, He ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
PORTUGUESE, n.pl. A species of geese indigenous to Portugal. They are mostly without feathers and im...
AMBROSE BIERCE
POSTERITY, n. An appellate court which reverses the judgment of a popular author's contemporaries, t...
AMBROSE BIERCE
ICONOCLAST, n. A breaker of idols, the worshipers whereof are imperfectly gratified by the performan...
AMBROSE BIERCE
FELON, n. A person of greater enterprise than discretion, who in embracing an opportunity has formed...
AMBROSE BIERCE
IMPOSTOR n. A rival aspirant to public honors.
AMBROSE BIERCE
DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set.A leaf was ri...
AMBROSE BIERCE
DIGESTION, n. The conversion of victuals into virtues. When the process is imperfect, vices are evol...
AMBROSE BIERCE
CONVERSATION, n. A fair to the display of the minor mental commodities, each exhibitor being too int...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Egotism, n: Doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with a pen.
AMBROSE BIERCE
PRIMATE, n. The head of a church, especially a State church supported by involuntary contributions. ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
SCEPTER, n. A king's staff of office, the sign and symbol of his authority. It was originally a mace...
AMBROSE BIERCE
BLANK-VERSE, n. Unrhymed iambic pentameters --the most difficult kind of English verse to write acce...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
AMBROSE BIERCE
DISCRIMINATE, v.i. To note the particulars in which one person or thing is, if possible, more object...
AMBROSE BIERCE
NOTORIETY, n. The fame of one's competitor for public honors. The kind of renown most accessible and...
AMBROSE BIERCE
USAGE, n. The First Person of the literary Trinity, the Second and Third being Custom and Convention...
AMBROSE BIERCE
SENATE, n. A body of elderly gentlemen charged with high duties and misdemeanors.
AMBROSE BIERCE
RICE-WATER, n. A mystic beverage secretly used by our most popular novelists and poets to regulate t...
AMBROSE BIERCE
HUMANITY, n. The human race, collectively, exclusive of the anthropoid poets.
AMBROSE BIERCE
There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.
AMBROSE BIERCE
MILLENNIUM, n. The period of a thousand years when the lid is to be screwed down, with all reformers...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Christian: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to t...
AMBROSE BIERCE
OPTIMIST, n. A proponent of the doctrine that black is white. A pessimist applied to God for relief....
AMBROSE BIERCE
OPTIMIST, n. A proponent of the doctrine that black is white. A pessimist applied to God for relief.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Infidel, n. In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, c...
AMBROSE BIERCE
In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary, patriotism is defined as the last refuge of a scoundrel. With a...
AMBROSE BIERCE
LAZINESS, n. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.
AMBROSE BIERCE
PEDIGREE, n. The known part of the route from an arboreal ancestor with a swim bladder to an urban d...
AMBROSE BIERCE
ACCUSE, v.t. To affirm another's guilt or unworth; most commonly as a justification of ourselves for...
AMBROSE BIERCE
EMBALM, v.i. To cheat vegetation by locking up the gases upon which it feeds. By embalming their dea...
AMBROSE BIERCE
SERIAL, n. A literary work, usually a story that is not true, creeping through several issues of a n...
AMBROSE BIERCE
ACQUAINTANCE, n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A...
AMBROSE BIERCE
PANTALOONS, n. A nether habiliment of the adult civilized male. The garment is tubular and unprovide...
AMBROSE BIERCE
BOUNTY, n. The liberality of one who has much, in permitting one who has nothing to get all that he ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
EXTINCTION, n. The raw material out of which theology created the future state.
AMBROSE BIERCE
ROBBER, n. A candid man of affairs. It is related of Voltaire that one night he and some traveling c...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
AMBROSE BIERCE
LUNARIAN, n. An inhabitant of the moon, as distinguished from Lunatic, one whom the moon inhabits. T...
AMBROSE BIERCE
WINE, n. Fermented grape-juice known to the Women's Christian Union as "liquor," sometimes as "rum."...
AMBROSE BIERCE
QUORUM, n. A sufficient number of members of a deliberative body to have their own way and their own...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Land: A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property su...
AMBROSE BIERCE
ARRAYED, pp. Drawn up and given an orderly disposition, as a rioter hanged to a lamppost.
AMBROSE BIERCE
PREDILECTION, n. The preparatory stage of disillusion.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Pitted against hard drinking Christians the abstemious Mahometans go down like grass before the scyt...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Opportunity is a favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.
AMBROSE BIERCE
UGLINESS, n. A gift of the gods to certain women, entailing virtue without humility.
AMBROSE BIERCE
From the vast, invisible ocean of moonlight overhead fell, here and here, a slender, broken stream t...
AMBROSE BIERCE
He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity.
AMBROSE BIERCE
You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Edible. Good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pi...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Consult. To seek another's approval of a course already decided on.
AMBROSE BIERCE
They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Deliberation. The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
AMBROSE BIERCE
PROPHECY, n. The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Admiration; is our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
AMBROSE BIERCE
An optimist is a proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Appeal. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Wit. The salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.
AMBROSE BIERCE
To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Consul. In American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is give...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscien...
AMBROSE BIERCE
The covers of this book are too far apart.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Senate is a body of old men charged with high duties and misdemeanors.
AMBROSE BIERCE
To be positive: to be mistaken at the top of one's voice.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Censor, n. An officer of certain governments, employed to supress the works of genius. Among the Rom...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Genealogy. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his o...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Woman absent is woman dead.
AMBROSE BIERCE
DIPLOMACY, n. Lying in state, or the patriotic art of lying for one's country.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Calamities are of two kinds. Misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
AMBROSE BIERCE
YANKEE, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the So...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
AMBROSE BIERCE