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Dentist, n.: A Prestidigitator who, putting metal in one's mouth, pulls coins out of one's pockets.


Ambrose Bierce

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No formal course in fiction-writing can equal a close and observant perusal of the stories of Edgar ...
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Clergyman, n. - A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method of betterin...
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Fork, n. An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
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Each new book that comes out kind of pulls up the old ones a little bit. The new releases are always...
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Each new book that comes out kind of pulls up the old ones a little bit. The new releases are always...
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The sole objective of prime-time panel discussion often seems to be to thrust news makers' words dow...
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PLAUDITS, n. Coins with which the populace pays those who tickle and devour it.
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I have often been accused of putting my foot in my mouth, but I will never put my hand in your pocke...
SPIRO AGNEW
Many times, we'd be the only ones out there.
CLIFFORD JORDAN
Life is a bowl of cherries. Some cherries are rotten while others are good; its your job to throw ou...
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There are two kinds of people: the ones who need to be told, and the ones who figure it out all by t...
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There are two kinds of people: the ones who need to be told and the ones who figure it out all by th...
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You can’t keep building new floors while putting out fires on the lower ones. Eventually, the fire...
DANIEL T MATSON
It all comes down to serving the ones who are fighting alongside you, watching your back, putting a ...
JAMES LUCENO
Coins are made by mint of metal. Character is made by dint of mettle.
UNKNOWN
The true great ones who stood the test of time are the ones with loving hearts.
JONATHAN CHEN
Those who have sacrificed always have the most to lose.
DANIELLE PAIGE
The ones who hate me the most are the ones who don't scare me.
REBECCA MCKINSEY
Love cures people - both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it.
KARL A. MENNINGER
ALLIANCE, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply in...
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There are three types of people in this world: the ones who keep you alive, the ones who would other...
ADAM GOTTBETTER
Love cures people, both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it.
JEANNE MOREAU
There are two kinds of man: the ones who make history and the ones who endure it.
CAMILO JOSE CELA
There are two kinds of man: the ones who make history and the ones who endure it.
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Love cures people -- both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it.
KARL MENNINGER
The ones who don't do anything are always the ones who try to pull you down.
HENRY ROLLINS
Love cures people, both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it.
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The strong ones are the ones who realize that having a bad training day, those types of days are nec...
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A behaviorist is someone who pulls habits out of rats.
ANONYMOUS
The ones who wanted to leave, I would say most of them are out.
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We're the only ones who have the antidote.
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The only people who see the whole picture,' he murmured, 'are the ones who step out of the frame.
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The ones who talk shit are the ones that always quit!
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The greatest people and most successful ones are the ones who never went to school . Sure.
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Social conservatives seem to see a bigger threat to marriage from committed gay couples who want in ...
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Everyone in your life gives you something. The bad ones give you experience, the worst ones a lesson...
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Love cures people - both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it. -.Dr.Karl Menninger.
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The ones who preach most about love are often the same ones who refuse to love the unlovable.
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Everyone is screwed up, the ones who try to say they aren’t, they’re the ones who are the worst ...
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The ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world are the ones who do.
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We were the only ones who held the keys, the only ones who could end the violence.
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You've got as many lives as you like, and more, even ones you don't want.
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You've got as many lives as you like, and more, even ones you don't want.
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And the ones that know you so well are the ones that can swallow you whole.
DAR WILLIAMS
The ones who preach most about love are often the same ones who refuse to love the unlovable.
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I'm thinking that the ones who want it are the ones who are going to show up.
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People always say they would die for the ones they love, but not/never for the ones who love them. W...
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To fall in love and to commit yourself to love means you should make your loved one the one thing yo...
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There's only two kinds of actors - good ones and bad ones... and lucky ones and unlucky ones.
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People always say they would die for the ones they love, but not/never for the ones who love them. W...
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BE HAPPY, Ever think that MAYBE WE ARE THE ONES WHO BRING THE SUN OUT?
~ANYA SUNDQUIST~
The nicest veterans...the kindest and funniest ones, the ones who hated war the most, were the ones ...
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It's such a sad day to come here, ... My sympathy goes out to all the families whose loved ones have...
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A magician pulls rabbits out of hats. An experimental psychologist pulls habits out of rats.
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The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that Dan Quayle may or may not make. ...
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There are two kinds of writers; the great ones who can give you truths, and the lessor ones, who can...
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As a man, casting off worn out garments taketh new ones, so the dweller in the body, entereth into o...
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There are only two kinds of lamp shade customers. Ones who want exactly what they had before and one...
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There are only two kinds of lamp shade customers. Ones who want exactly what they had before and one...
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There are two kinds of writers; the great ones who can give you truths, and the lessor ones, who can...
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The best kind of humans are the ones who stay.
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For the ones who dream of stranger worlds.
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I like photography that is out of the ordinary. The ones that stick out to me the most and hold my a...
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Putting $1,000 in the pockets of 310,000 families with urgent needs is going to provide far more sti...
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A country should be ruled not by the ones, who have the more money but by the ones who have servant ...
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He who prizes little things is worthy of great ones
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The younger ones, then passionate and puritanic, probably never knew that their urbanite fantasies w...
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Different people bring out different aspects of ones personality.
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Middle age is when you drink wine.... That combined with the health message means that you get a lot...
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Middle age is when you drink wine.... That combined with the health message means that you get a lot...
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The stress is out of the way, we're putting the pedal to the metal for state and district.
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Leaders draw out ones individual greatness
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Men who make all the decisions in a relationship are also the ones who will blame you when they don...
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The people you love are just weapons that will be used against you.
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A community is like the ones who govern it.
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Putting $1,000 in the pockets of 310,000 families with urgent needs is going to provide far more sti...
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We were pulling out the close ones.
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The ones who count are those persons who
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Pop music, disco music, and heavy metal music is about shutting out the tensions of life, putting it...
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It's usually our opposites who complement us best, because they're the only ones who can balance us ...
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Courage injures the strong ones who have no wisdom, but it motivates the brave ones, to always win.
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Stay away from the ones you love too much. Those are the ones who will kill you.
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But it’s like Cherise says, the hardest ones to love are always the ones who need it most. (Aimee)
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Courage injures the strong ones who have no wisdom, but it motivates the brave ones, to always win.
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The law criminalizes the victims, the ones exploited by pornography, and not the ones who exploit th...
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We need to get that taste in our mouth so we can set a tradition here to set the example for the you...
CHARLIE MILLER
Whenever you are angry shut your mouth. So that you can save yourself from loosing the beloved ones.
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It's the little ones that are the biggest problems. They're the ones who really don't want to go to ...
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One big vice in a man is apt to keep out a great many smaller ones.
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The least productive people are usually the ones who are most in favor of holding meetings
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The EU are the ones putting the development round under threat, and developing countries will suffer...
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The strong manly ones in life are those who understand the meaning of the word patience.
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In fact, life of the virtual world are the ones who wearing mask.
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Two kinds of women get under your skin. The ones who do damage, they don't feel good there but once ...
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Those who fall the deepest are the ones who reach the longer in life.
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We are a nation of immigrants. We are the children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren of the ...
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Women are the ones who ask directions and men are the ones who never stop to ask directions, so they...
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Fidelity - a virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
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RECREATION, n. A particular kind of dejection to relieve a general fatigue.
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... the instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his coun...
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Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
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The small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify we give the name of knowledge.
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Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable.
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The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up.
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Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
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Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their ...
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Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking th...
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The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity.
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To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result.
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A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man, who has no gills.
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Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
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Politeness -- The most acceptable hypocrisy.
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Laughter -- An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarti...
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Alien. An American sovereign in his probationary state.
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An account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly k...
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Historian. A broad -- gauge gossip.
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Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Mis...
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A funeral is a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker.
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An egotist is a person interested in himself than in me!
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Abscond. To move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.
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Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their deso...
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A cynic is a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, and not as they ought to be.
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Alliance. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserte...
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A coward is one who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
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Compromise. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction o...
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A bride is a woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
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Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
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ALLIANCE, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply in...
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Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo
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Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscie...
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One who is in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
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ZENITH, n. The point in the heavens directly overhead to a man standing or a growing cabbage. A m...
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Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.
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Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.
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Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
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Admiration, n.: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
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Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
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BOUNDARY, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginar...
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Faith, noun. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things ...
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Education, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understa...
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Happiness, noun. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.
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History, n. An account mostly false, of events unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly...
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Cynic, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.
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Income is the natural and rational gauge and measure of respectability.
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Optimism, n. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
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Mad, adj: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
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INTIMACY, n. A relation into which fools are providentially drawn for their mutual destruction.
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Litigant: a person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bone.
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TELEPHONE n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeab...
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Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreea...
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PREDICAMENT, n. The wage of consistency.
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DIPLOMACY, n. The patriotic art of lying for one's country.
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PORTUGUESE, n.pl. A species of geese indigenous to Portugal. They are mostly without feathers and im...
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Christians and camels receive their burdens kneeling
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Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum - I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.
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CREMONA, n. A high-priced violin made in Connecticut.
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PROVIDENTIAL, adj. Unexpectedly and conspicuously beneficial to the person so describing it.
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BABE or BABY, n. A misshapen creature of no particular age, sex, or condition, chiefly remarkable fo...
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A wedding is a ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothi...
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PROJECTILE, n. The final arbiter in international disputes. Formerly these disputes were settled by ...
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BAAL, n. An old deity formerly much worshiped under various names. As Baal he was popular with the P...
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CARTESIAN, adj. Relating to Descartes, a famous philosopher, author of the celebrated dictum, _Cogit...
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MEEKNESS, n. Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while.

M is for Moses,...
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TEETOTALER, n. One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally.
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MOLECULE, n. The ultimate, indivisible unit of matter. It is distinguished from the corpuscle, also ...
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FEAST, n. A festival. A religious celebration usually signalized by gluttony and drunkenness, freque...
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Vote: The instrument and symbol of a free man's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his c...
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LOQUACITY, n. A disorder which renders the sufferer unable to curb his tongue when you wish to talk.
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In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to t...
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Advice is the smallest current coin.
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SOPHISTRY, n. The controversial method of an opponent, distinguished from one's own by superior insi...
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ALDERMAN, n. An ingenious criminal who covers his secret thieving with a pretence of open marauding.
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Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confesse...
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WEATHER, n. The climate of the hour. A permanent topic of conversation among persons whom it does no...
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INDECISION, n. The chief element of success; "for whereas," saith Sir Thomas Brewbold, "there is but...
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LEONINE, adj. Unlike a menagerie lion. Leonine verses are those in which a word in the middle of a l...
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PILLORY, n. A mechanical device for inflicting personal distinction --prototype of the modern newspa...
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APPLAUSE, n. The echo of a platitude.
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WORSHIP, n. Homo Creator's testimony to the sound construction and fine finish of Deus Creatus. A po...
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MISERICORDE, n. A dagger which in mediaeval warfare was used by the foot soldier to remind an unhors...
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ELECTOR, n. One who enjoys the sacred privilege of voting for the man of another man's choice.
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ORPHAN, n. A living person whom death has deprived of the power of filial ingratitude . . .
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ENCOMIAST, n. A special (but not particular) kind of liar.
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TEDIUM, n. Ennui, the state or condition of one that is bored. Many fanciful derivations of the word...
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DEGENERATE, adj. Less conspicuously admirable than one's ancestors. The contemporaries of Homer were...
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ALIEN, n. An American sovereign in his probationary state.
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ASS, n. A public singer with a good voice but no ear. In Virginia City, Nevada, he is called the Was...
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PAST, n. That part of Eternity with some small fraction of which we have a slight and regrettable ac...
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APPETITE, n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question.
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CAABA, n. A large stone presented by the archangel Gabriel to the patriarch Abraham, and preserved a...
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ADOLESCENCE The stage between puberty and adultery.
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CREMONA, n. A high-priced violin made in Connecticut.
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ROPE, n. An obsolescent appliance for reminding assassins that they too are mortal. It is put about ...
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REALISM, n. The art of depicting nature as it is seem by toads. The charm suffusing a landscape pain...
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BAAL, n. An old deity formerly much worshiped under various names. As Baal he was popular with the P...
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HYDRA, n. A kind of animal that the ancients catalogued under many heads.
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FREEDOM, n. Exemption from the stress of authority in a beggarly half dozen of restraint's infinite ...
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MEEKNESS, n. Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while.M is for Moses, Who slew th...
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WIDOW, n. A pathetic figure that the Christian world has agreed to take humorously, although Christ'...
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FRIENDLESS, adj. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth an...
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CONSULT, v.i. To seek another's disapproval of a course already decided on.
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PREDICAMENT, n. The wage of consistency.
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BASILISK, n. The cockatrice. A sort of serpent hatched form the egg of a cock. The basilisk had a ba...
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Strike while your employer has a big contract.
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EDITOR, n. A person who combines the judicial functions of Minos, Rhadamanthus and Aeacus, but is pl...
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COMMONWEALTH, n. An administrative entity operated by an incalculable multitude of political parasit...
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ERUDITION, n. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.So wide his erudition's mighty span, He ...
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PORTUGUESE, n.pl. A species of geese indigenous to Portugal. They are mostly without feathers and im...
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POSTERITY, n. An appellate court which reverses the judgment of a popular author's contemporaries, t...
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ICONOCLAST, n. A breaker of idols, the worshipers whereof are imperfectly gratified by the performan...
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FELON, n. A person of greater enterprise than discretion, who in embracing an opportunity has formed...
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IMPOSTOR n. A rival aspirant to public honors.
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DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set.A leaf was ri...
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DIGESTION, n. The conversion of victuals into virtues. When the process is imperfect, vices are evol...
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CONVERSATION, n. A fair to the display of the minor mental commodities, each exhibitor being too int...
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Egotism, n: Doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with a pen.
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PRIMATE, n. The head of a church, especially a State church supported by involuntary contributions. ...
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ARCHBISHOP, n. An ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop.If I were a jolly archbish...
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SCEPTER, n. A king's staff of office, the sign and symbol of his authority. It was originally a mace...
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BLANK-VERSE, n. Unrhymed iambic pentameters --the most difficult kind of English verse to write acce...
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Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
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DISCRIMINATE, v.i. To note the particulars in which one person or thing is, if possible, more object...
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NOTORIETY, n. The fame of one's competitor for public honors. The kind of renown most accessible and...
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USAGE, n. The First Person of the literary Trinity, the Second and Third being Custom and Convention...
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SENATE, n. A body of elderly gentlemen charged with high duties and misdemeanors.
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RICE-WATER, n. A mystic beverage secretly used by our most popular novelists and poets to regulate t...
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HUMANITY, n. The human race, collectively, exclusive of the anthropoid poets.
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There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.
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MILLENNIUM, n. The period of a thousand years when the lid is to be screwed down, with all reformers...
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Christian: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to t...
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OPTIMIST, n. A proponent of the doctrine that black is white. A pessimist applied to God for relief....
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OPTIMIST, n. A proponent of the doctrine that black is white. A pessimist applied to God for relief.
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Infidel, n. In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one ...
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Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, c...
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In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary, patriotism is defined as the last refuge of a scoundrel. With a...
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LAZINESS, n. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.
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PEDIGREE, n. The known part of the route from an arboreal ancestor with a swim bladder to an urban d...
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ACCUSE, v.t. To affirm another's guilt or unworth; most commonly as a justification of ourselves for...
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EMBALM, v.i. To cheat vegetation by locking up the gases upon which it feeds. By embalming their dea...
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SERIAL, n. A literary work, usually a story that is not true, creeping through several issues of a n...
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ACQUAINTANCE, n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A...
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PANTALOONS, n. A nether habiliment of the adult civilized male. The garment is tubular and unprovide...
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BOUNTY, n. The liberality of one who has much, in permitting one who has nothing to get all that he ...
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EXTINCTION, n. The raw material out of which theology created the future state.
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ROBBER, n. A candid man of affairs. It is related of Voltaire that one night he and some traveling c...
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Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
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LUNARIAN, n. An inhabitant of the moon, as distinguished from Lunatic, one whom the moon inhabits. T...
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WINE, n. Fermented grape-juice known to the Women's Christian Union as "liquor," sometimes as "rum."...
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QUORUM, n. A sufficient number of members of a deliberative body to have their own way and their own...
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Land: A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property su...
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ARRAYED, pp. Drawn up and given an orderly disposition, as a rioter hanged to a lamppost.
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PREDILECTION, n. The preparatory stage of disillusion.
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Pitted against hard drinking Christians the abstemious Mahometans go down like grass before the scyt...
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Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
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Opportunity is a favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.
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UGLINESS, n. A gift of the gods to certain women, entailing virtue without humility.
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From the vast, invisible ocean of moonlight overhead fell, here and here, a slender, broken stream t...
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He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity.
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You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps.
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Edible. Good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pi...
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Consult. To seek another's approval of a course already decided on.
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They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.
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Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity.
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Deliberation. The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
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PROPHECY, n. The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery.
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Admiration; is our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
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Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
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An optimist is a proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
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Appeal. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.
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Wit. The salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.
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To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.
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The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
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Consul. In American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is give...
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Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscien...
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The covers of this book are too far apart.
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The Senate is a body of old men charged with high duties and misdemeanors.
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To be positive: to be mistaken at the top of one's voice.
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Censor, n. An officer of certain governments, employed to supress the works of genius. Among the Rom...
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Genealogy. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his o...
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Woman absent is woman dead.
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DIPLOMACY, n. Lying in state, or the patriotic art of lying for one's country.
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Calamities are of two kinds. Misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
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YANKEE, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the So...
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Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy.
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Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
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