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Don’t kill me,” he sobbed as he lay there. “Oh God, please don’t kill me.”
“If you had let me finish,” Skulduggery said, slightly annoyed, “you would have heard me say, ‘Come out, we’re not
going to hurt you’. Idiot.”
“He probably wouldn’t have said idiot,” Valkyrie told the sobbing man. “We’re trying our best to be nice.”
The man blinked through his tears, and looked up.
“You’re... You’re not going to kill me?”
“No, we’re not,” Valkyrie said gently, “so long as you wipe your nose right now.


Derek Landy

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More Derek Landy

You are a cynical man, Mr. Pleasant."
"We live in cynical times, Miss Cain.
DEREK LANDY
Just because an apple falls one hundred times out of a hundred does not mean it will fall on the hun...
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The door handle turned. Someone knocked, and a man's voice called, "Uh, hello?"
Valkyrie looked...
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I had an uneventful few days," it told her. "The most exciting thing was an hour-long lecture from t...
DEREK LANDY
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DEREK LANDY
They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit," Valkyrie said.

China glanced at her. "They'...
DEREK LANDY
You accused me of murder. Do you make a habit of bringing schoolgirls into an interview room with mu...
DEREK LANDY
The next time? Oh, my dear Eliza, you're not going to carry on with this, are you? The Faceless Ones...
DEREK LANDY
You're bored, aren't you.'
'I need constant distraction. Shall we go?'
'Uh, aren't you sup...
DEREK LANDY
We punch people, Valkyrie. That’s who we are. Embrace your inner lunatic. Fun times guaranteed.
DEREK LANDY
People!" she screamed. "There are people here! New people!
DEREK LANDY
Aurora sagged. "Why is it," she asked, "that every time I'm with you two we end up stealing somethin...
DEREK LANDY
Skulduggery stood among the ruins of what had once been a sofa. Valkyrie raised an eyebrow.
DEREK LANDY
Plans are invitation to disappointment.
DEREK LANDY
You have no idea about presents or what they mean. The last
present you gave me was a stick.”...
DEREK LANDY
It’s fairly standard. Also, I’m fourteen. Also, your
beard’s stupid.”
“Isn’t t...
DEREK LANDY
Then I reckon we got ourselves a good old-fashioned standoff."
...
Nobody moved, or said a...
DEREK LANDY
The world is bigger than you know, and scarier than you might imagine. The only currency worth anyth...
DEREK LANDY
I'm sorry? No more smooches is worse than the world ending?
DEREK LANDY
When I meet people, I no longer say "Hi, I'm Derek Landy, pleased to meet you." Now I say "Hi, I'm n...
DEREK LANDY
You’re seventeen. You’re supposed to be dealing with school and hormones and dim-witted parents....
DEREK LANDY
[...} What did I tell you about wandering off? Why don't you ever do anything I say? If I didn't kno...
DEREK LANDY
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DEREK LANDY
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DEREK LANDY
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DEREK LANDY
Stairs," Valkyrie said, disappointed.
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DEREK LANDY
Stephanie could see the greed seep into the watery eyes of her
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DEREK LANDY
Of course I want to kill you," said Skulduggery. "I want to kill most people. But then where would I...
DEREK LANDY
I’ve got good news and bad news for you, Ryan. The bad news is that you’re the only one in the w...
DEREK LANDY
Here she is,” her mum said, cooing at the baby, “my special girl.”
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The lies we tell other people are nothing to the lies we tell ourselves.
DEREK LANDY
What would killing the Elders result in?"
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It would be fun,” Skulduggery nodded. ”I like kicking Wreath in the face. I haven't had a chance...
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I... I don't, I don't think I can do this."
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Don't open the door to strangers," said her dad. "Unless they're selling something. Then open the do...
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Clarabelle...Clarabelle... You worked as Kenspeckle Grouse's assistant, did you not?'
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Ah, bless. I've missed her. Do you have bullets?"

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So he has no head'
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It's not that I want you to go, it's just that I don't want you to stay." - China Sorrows -
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Doors are for people with no imagination.
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I need a weapon,” Valkyrie muttered.
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He put on his hat and wrapped his scarf around his jaw, but did without the wig and the sunglasses. ...
DEREK LANDY
Found something?”
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DEREK LANDY
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DEREK LANDY
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The fact is that we have no way of knowing if the person who we think we are is at the core o...
DEREK LANDY
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...
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I think zombies are kind of cute.”
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This is stolen? We're in a stolen jet?"
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DEREK LANDY
tanith: have you called the police?
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DEREK LANDY
The dart is loaded with enough sedative to bring down a—”

“Small elephant?”
...
DEREK LANDY
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DEREK LANDY
Peace means nothing without freedom.
DEREK LANDY
Serpine: Well, Skulduggery? Where is that tired old defiance - the taunting, the goading? Where are ...
DEREK LANDY
be brave
DEREK LANDY
Personally, I think knees should be kept for the eight or ninth date, or the wedding day. As a nice ...
DEREK LANDY
But he's in shackles, right? You beat him?"
"I like to think I beat him in a moral sense, in th...
DEREK LANDY
I mean you ACRES of harm,' Dalrymple growled. 'Untold QUANTITIES of harm. I will visit a whole CONTI...
DEREK LANDY
He does this on purpose," Stephanie's mother said as they sat in the car, seat belts on and ready to...
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DEREK LANDY
Come and have a go, if you think you're hard enough
DEREK LANDY
I've had years to see the funny side.
DEREK LANDY
Stephanie: Why can't you break in? You broke into the Vault
Skulduggery: That's different
DEREK LANDY
Every solution to every problem is simple. It's the distance between the two where the mystery lies.
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"There is a vegetable-plant hybr...
DEREK LANDY
What are you doing?"
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DEREK LANDY
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DEREK LANDY
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“What is it?” she ...
DEREK LANDY
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DEREK LANDY
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You should have called us. Desmond would have picked you up.'
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Get away from my ex-girlfriend, you moany little whinge-bag.'
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I try not to underestimate my opponents, no matter how ridiculous their beards.
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This is your last chance to do the right thing.'
'Do you want to attack first, or will I?'
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I have sought you out to cure me.'
'To cure you of what?'
'Of this cursed affliction.'
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I kill a sofa for you and you go and sit in a chair?” Skulduggery asked. “I don’t think you ap...
DEREK LANDY
Valkyrie dialed Skulduggery's number and he picked up. 'Hey,' she said, 'It's me.'
Skulduggery ...
DEREK LANDY
We're not really intruding," he called down. "This is all a big misunderstanding."
"Stop right ...
DEREK LANDY
He liked murder. Murder and long walks had been two of his favorite things when he was younger.
DEREK LANDY
How are we going to get out of here?"
"Oh, escape is easy once you have the right plan."
"...
DEREK LANDY
Is he all scarred now?”

“Magic gets rid of most physical scars, but I like to think I...
DEREK LANDY
That's ridiculous. The only point in having enemies is so you can defeat them, kill them, brush them...
DEREK LANDY
What is it?' Stephanie whispered.
'That, my dear Valkyrie, is what we call a monster.'
She...
DEREK LANDY
You're under arrest for multiple counts of murder. You have the right to not much at all, really. Do...
DEREK LANDY
It's not so bad."
Melancholia looked at her. "You're lying."
"I'll get used to it. So will...
DEREK LANDY
You don't treat me like a child."
He smiled. "Of course I do, but you seem to have this ...
DEREK LANDY
Violence?"Skulduggery said. "Violence is never the answer, until it's the only answer.
DEREK LANDY
He could be a butterfly dreaming he's a man."
"Well, he's not. He's a big fat man dreaming he's...
DEREK LANDY
Doran stood on the dais, fists clenched. "All right," he said. "Let's do it, come on. Charge me up."...
DEREK LANDY
Now, before you begin to worry, the section of the gaol that I’m standing in is completely secure....
DEREK LANDY
I wasn't always who I am now. No one ever is. I've spent my entire lifetime becoming who I am. Final...
DEREK LANDY
Stephanie thought about the world she’d grown up in, and how different it was from the world she...
DEREK LANDY
You can only anticipate what someone is going to do if you know know exactly what that someone has j...
DEREK LANDY
Stephanie: I wouldn't mind a sister either
Tanith: Any chance of that happening?
Stephan...
DEREK LANDY
Wow," she said. "It's like you're teaching me something and being all wise."
"You are not easy ...
DEREK LANDY
Cheer up everyone, since we're all going to die horribly anyway, what's there to be worried about? -...
DEREK LANDY
She held her sword like she was ready to use it on anyone who got close. Darquesse could see her own...
DEREK LANDY
Her father sagged as relief spread through him. “I thought
something awful was happening.”<...
DEREK LANDY
Every once in a while, I get the urge. You know what I'm talking about, don't you? The urge for dest...
DEREK LANDY
I just want to let you know that I love you all. Even those of you that I don't like; that's you Ber...
DEREK LANDY
Tides do what tides do–they turn.
DEREK LANDY
You're not stealing anything, you're not breaking anything, so I'd guess you're Stephanie.
DEREK LANDY
Are you kidding? I jumped off a building -- of course I'm hurt.
DEREK LANDY
mostly we've had to found ways to amuse ourselves."
"Really?" Valkyrie asked. "Like what?"
DEREK LANDY
If he can't get to the clock, any idea how we deal with this lot?"
"With great care," Donegan s...
DEREK LANDY
Gracious ignored him. "A farmer's daughter, she was, though back then every girl was a farmer's daug...
DEREK LANDY
I find it rude to laugh at a man with a sword.
DEREK LANDY
Ladies and gentleman," he said over the speakers, "welcome aboard this recently liberated Gulfstream...
DEREK LANDY
Valkyrie patted Fletcher’s arm. “Don’t worry,” she said. “If the bad man comes, I’ll pro...
DEREK LANDY
I swear, talking to you is like talking to a really good-looking and mildly stupid brick wall.
DEREK LANDY
Fletcher appeared beside her. He peered at the baby.
"Can it do any tricks yet?"
"I'm sti...
DEREK LANDY
But I'm really enjoying my retirement. I get to sleep in every day. I do crossword puzzles and eat c...
DEREK LANDY
Emergency Valve Regulators," she repeated. "So you do know what your doing?
"Not really," he sa...
DEREK LANDY
I am Detective Inspector Me. This is my partner, Detective Her."
The traffic warden frowned. "H...
DEREK LANDY
He looked at Ghastly. "Thoughts?"
"I want to kill Sanguine," was the first thing Ghastly said. ...
DEREK LANDY
I am what prevents the Accelerator from being a bomb."
"Except you didn't," said Gracious. "Bec...
DEREK LANDY
You're not used to early mornings, are you?"
He shook his head. "Early mornings were invented b...
DEREK LANDY
It was a trap. It was so obviously a trap.

Darquesse smiled.
DEREK LANDY
Every once in a while, I get the urge. You know what I’m talking about, don’t you? The urge for ...
DEREK LANDY
She had been a teenager once, and she knew that, despite the apparent contradictions, a person's tee...
DEREK LANDY
You think Bernadette Maguire killed him?”
“Uh… no. She’s, like I said, she’s old.”<...
DEREK LANDY
Over his shoulder, she saw Skulduggery walk in. "Oh, hell," she muttered.
Wreath's smile reapp...
DEREK LANDY
Tanith frowned. Did people still go on DATES any more? She was sure they did. They probably called i...
DEREK LANDY
Look, this is all very, very weird. Why are you focusing on rumours and urban legends? You haven’t...
DEREK LANDY
Kindness suits you."

"Really? I think I'm quite allergic to it.
DEREK LANDY
I'm sorry,' said the shopkeeper. 'I can't understand your ridiculous accent.'
'My accent?'
DEREK LANDY
Oh, China. How I have missed you.'
'And I have missed you, Eliza. But don't worry, next time my...
DEREK LANDY
You're in a bad mood,' Skulduggery said. 'I understand. I do. You're saying things that you don't re...
DEREK LANDY
Embrace your inner lunatic. Fun times guaranteed.
DEREK LANDY
I'm sorry, I don't know what any of you want, or why guns and knives are being waved around, or why ...
DEREK LANDY
That's a shame. I'm sure somebody, somewhere, cares.
DEREK LANDY
Even as she'd been writing it, she wondered if she was using too many exclamation marks, but she was...
DEREK LANDY
It's a very small object to be capable of doing many wonderful things, don't you think?"
"It do...
DEREK LANDY
If you don't see me in five minutes, then I've probably died a brave and heroic death.
DEREK LANDY
What about you?" he asked, his words not much more than a mumble. "Regrets?"

"Many," Skud...
DEREK LANDY
Personally, I thin knees should be kept for the eight or ninth date, or the wedding day. As a nice s...
DEREK LANDY
Personally, I think knees should be kept for the eighth or ninth date, or the wedding day. As a nice...
DEREK LANDY
strike from the shadows, disapear into darkness
DEREK LANDY
I wouldn't mind a sister either."
"Any chance of that happening?"
"I can't see what would ...
DEREK LANDY
She's you, without your conscience, or your feelings. She's you without your humanity."
"You're...
DEREK LANDY
Wait, do they even know I'm coming with you?"
"No. But they like surprises. Almost always.
DEREK LANDY
Right, well, we've got to work out what we need. We've got to work out what we need, how we get it, ...
DEREK LANDY
You can only anticipate what someone is going to do if you know exactly what that someone has just d...
DEREK LANDY
This should be a highlight of the festival. I think it's a unique event in our area.
JEFF LANDY
It was a great day to get a lot of players a chance to play. Now we can focus on getting ready for d...
LANDY FAEDO
I think a lot of folks had not expected them to be back this quickly.
MARK LANDY
If they do negotiate a lower price, they may open themselves up to litigation by essentially concedi...
MARK LANDY
He told me that he would contact me within the next couple of weeks with any information that he can...
JEFF LANDY
That was great pitching from both guys. They're the top two pitchers in the county.
LANDY FAEDO
[MacMillan] has big shoes to fill and he's inheriting a legacy of 20% earnings growth.
MARK LANDY
I would venture that we are now outside of gentlemanly territory,
MARK LANDY
If we hold it when they are practicing in Latrobe, it will be easy for them to come over here for th...
JEFF LANDY
The good thing is they come out every day, work hard and do what's asked. And we're pretty demanding...
LANDY FAEDO
If the deals went to shareholders today, we believe Boston Scientific would prevail.
MARK LANDY
I don't see material upside or downside (for Boston Scientific shares) for the next 12 months.
MARK LANDY
While Johnson & Johnson has the clear technology lead, the risk they run is in setting the price. If...
MARK LANDY
You can't just sit back on your laurels. You have to constantly innovate.
MARK LANDY
He needed a place to practice so someone from those two families told him to come to Mt. Pleasant. T...
JEFF LANDY
We wanted to have just a few categories and make sure we did this right before we got too crazy this...
JEFF LANDY
There's a place in Texas that allows individuals to participate in the parade.
JEFF LANDY
I told my guys before the season that if you win your one-run games then you'll have a great season....
LANDY FAEDO
I was a little concerned. We let two leads get away this week, but Tommy made the pitches and the gu...
LANDY FAEDO
Go out and play consistent, not be good, just consistent. Just make less mistakes and put the ball i...
LANDY FAEDO