ERUDITION, n. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.So wide his erudition's mighty span, He knew Creation's origin and plan And only came by accident to grief -- He thought, poor man, 'twas right to be a thief. --Romach Pute
Ambrose Bierce
Related ERUDITION, n. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull. So wide his erudition's migh... AMBROSE BIERCE Erudition. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull. AMBROSE BIERCE Erudition - dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull. AMBROSE BIERCE Erudition - dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull. AMBROSE GWINETT BIERCE He ate and drank the precious Words, his Spirit grew robust; He knew no more that he was poor, nor t... EMILY DICKINSON He learned how to look at himself from a distance, to see himself first of all as a man among other ... PAUL AUSTER There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.” ~ Ambrose ... J.J. MCAVOY He had what he called just a small ration of tools: A painted book. A handful of pencils.<... MARKUS ZUSAK I was an anomaly because my father was a Harvard man, and he came from a family of poor people. TOM SIZEMORE How lucky I am to have known somebody and something that saying goodbye to is so damned awful. EVANS G. VALENS As he mused about these things, he realized that he had to choose between thinking of himself as the... PAULO COELHO He was coming up on the right side and I think he bumped into one of his own guys and the ball came ... ANTHONY MAESTRANZI He loved his job. What was advertising, anyway, but a knowledge of people and of which buttons to pu... NORA ROBERTS He never went out without a book under his arm, and he often came back with two. VICTOR HUGO He never went out without a book under his arm and he often came home with two. VICTOR HUGO He shot into the air because he was a very religious man, and he knew if he took his own life he wou... SANDRA ANGLE A man who knows the world will not only make the most of everything he does know, but of many thin... COLTON A coin is examined, and only after careful deliberation, given to a beggar, whereas a child is flung... PETER WESSEL ZAPFFE The key to every man is his thought.... He can only be reformed by showing him a new idea which comm... RALPH WALDO EMERSON The key to every man is his thought. He can only be reformed by showing him a new idea which command... RALPH WALDO EMERSON He thought for a minute and said, 'Now I have eight pitches.' He knew that intuitively. He figured t... BRUCE HURST No man can tell whether he is rich or poor by turning to his ledger. It is the heart that makes a ma... HENRY WARD BEECHER No formal course in fiction-writing can equal a close and observant perusal of the stories of Edgar ... H. P. LOVECRAFT My husband John Lennon was a very special man. A man of humble origin, he brought light and hope to ... YOKO ONO Before your mother's conception of you, God knew you; before His consecration of you, He had up s... ISRAELMORE AYIVOR Evan Handler is a man who’s looked into the abyss and laughed. His book, It’s Only Temporary, ma... LANCE ARMSTRONG When a man cannot choose, he ceases to be a man. STANLEY KUBRICK He is a man, who is to be a man, the fruit is always present in the seed. TERTULLIAN Man is a breathing DUST, while woman is a breathing BONE SOTONYE ANGA He didn't really sustain any injuries in the accident. I think he was just shaken up. JAVIER AGUILAR The poor man wishes to conceal his poverty, and the rich man his wealth: the former fears lest he be... MARIE VON EBNER-ESCHENBACH But 'twas a maxim he had often tried,
That right was right, and there he would abide. GEORGE CRABBE The poor man shuddered, overflowed with an angelic joy; he declared in his transport that this would... VICTOR HUGO [Williams only had two assists but played markedly better after an eight-minute, three-foul stint ag... JERRY SLOAN I will never forget the vision of Jamie walking towards me. NICHOLAS SPARKS What need a man forestall his date of grief,
And run to meet what he would most avoid? JOHN MILTON We knew Matt was a talent when he came into the program and that it was only a matter of time before... GEORGE DYCHE As these images were going through my head, my breathing suddenly went still. I looked at Jamie, the... NICHOLAS SPARKS The only way for a rich man to be healthy is by exercise and abstinence, to live as if he were poor. SIR WILLIAM TEMPLE The only way for a rich man to be healthy is by exercise and abstinence, to live as if he were poor. WILLIAM TEMPLE Though man is the only beast that can write, he has small reason to be proud of it. When he utters s... EDWARD DAHLBERG To kill a mockingbird. If you haven't read it, I think you should because it is very interesting. STEPHEN CHBOSKY Eventually I came across another passage. This is what it said: I am not commanding you, but I ... NICHOLAS SPARKS You don't have to learn much out of books, it's like if you want to learn about cows, you go milk on... HARPER LEE You can't really get to know a person until you get in their shoes and walk around in them. HARPER LEE The only way for a rich man to be healthy is by exercise and abstinence, to live as if he were poor WILLIAM TEMPLE SR. A man whose axe was missing suspected his neighbor’s son. The boy walked like a thief, looked like... JANE YOLEN Man, as we know him, is a poor creature; but he is halfway between an ape and a god and he is travel... DEAN INGE What a remarkable man he is and he really deserves to be a head coach in his own right, MIKE MARTZ We met, 'twas in a crowd, and I thought he would shun me. THOMAS HAYNES BAYLY We met, 'twas in a crowd, and I thought he would shun me. THOMAS HAYNES BAYLY A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, "Wh... MILTON BERLE If a man has the right to self-ownership, to the control of his life, then in the real world he must... MURRAY N. ROTHBARD I am because someone dreams me; a man who sleeps and dreams and sees me acting, living and moving ... GIOVANNI PAPINI REVELATION, n. A famous book in which St. John the Divine concealed all that he knew. The revealing ... AMBROSE BIERCE He had a deep gash. His head was really swollen because of the trauma from the accident. Other than ... SALLY BOLON Man becomes man only by his intelligence, but he is man only by his heart. HENRI FREDERIC AMIEL The thief is sorry he is to be hanged, not that he is a thief PROVERB He didn't shine the way he wanted to last year (at Eugene). But he came into this season with a plan... RANDY READY He didn't shine the way he wanted to last year (at Eugene). But he came into this season with a plan... RANDY READY People will rather appreciate a man who wears one suit out of the several he has got and refuse to v... SUNDAY ADELAJA A Ritual to Read to Each Other If you don’t know the kind of person I am and... WILLIAM STAFFORD The measure of a man is what he does with power. PLATO They say that man is mighty, He governs land and sea; He wields a mighty scepter O WILLIAM ROSS WALLACE I thought he was fantastic today. He glides by people as if they are not there, his first touch was ... ERIC BLACK Tear man out of his outward circumstances; and what he then is; that only is he. JOHANN G. SEUME These comments are not being made by accident. This is something he has deliberated and thought out. MAHMOUD ALINEJAD One has a right to judge a man by the effect he has over his friends. OSCAR WILDE I can't remember a freshman I've coached that has stepped on the field as a freshman and played how ... CHARLIE WILLIAMS I am a poor man, but I have this consolation: I am poor by accident, not by design. JOSH BILLINGS How sweetly he came to her, she thought. Even with his bulk and power, he came to her...sweetly. J.R. WARD Every man, at the bottom of his heart, wants to do right. But only he can do right who knows right; ... TIORIO Just as it is impossible to explain childbirth to a woman who has never given birth, it is impossibl... LYNDA CHELDELIN FELL [Responding to the Bishop of Oxford, Samuel Wilberforce's question whether he traced his descent ... THOMAS HENRY HUXLEY He's for you and wants to help you be the person He created you to be. CRAIG GROESCHEL What I thought we ought to try to do in a book like this is to focus closely on Lincoln, himself, to... DAVID HERBERT DONALD Bierce radiates brilliancy, and perhaps no other man of letters ever had a more ready command of con... EDWIN MARKHAM Each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to lif... VIKTOR FRANKL He loved his job. What was advertising, anyway, but a knowledge of people and of which buttons to pu... NORA ROBERTS Each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to lif... VIKTOR E. FRANKL We came out a little bit flat. Our serving was kind of poor I thought. It was right around 80 percen... GREG MURLEY If a wise man behaves prudently, how can he be overcome by his enemies? Even a single man, by right ... SASKYA PANDITA His own opinion, which he does not air, is that the origin of speech lie in song, and the origins of... J.M. COETZEE He had let me know time after time that he was a thinking man, a man of intellect and wit. Yet one u... COCO J. GINGER Nothing will shake a man-or at any rate a man like me-out of his merely verbal thinking and his mere... C.S. LEWIS The indiscriminate denunciation of the rich is mischievous.... No poor man was ever made richer or h... BENJAMIN HARRISON The horse went over backward once and came down. He got his left foot out of the stirrup but he coul... JOE FERRER Let each man think himself an act of God, His mind a thought, his life a breath of God; And let each... PHILIP JAMES BAILEY Let each man think himself an act of God, His mind a thought, his life a breath of God; And let each... PHILIP JAMES BAILEY Yes! Very funny this terrible thing is. A man that is born falls into a dream like a man who falls i... JOSEPH CONRAD Illusion" A man wants to be free flying in the emptiness of the universe He thi... ASPER BLURRY I didn’t realize that in his wish to transform me was the proof that he didn’t like me as I was,... ELENA FERRANTE C-l-e-a-n, clean, verb active, to make bright, to scour. W-i-n, win, d-e-r, der, winder, a casement.... CHARLES DICKENS Book tours are almost designed to beat out of an author any affection he has for his book. MICHAEL LEWIS He hit it with a hammer, and a sliver of metal came and hit him in the right eye. He had a pretty mi... BILL BECKER Skip appreciates his roots. He was a kid who came out of an orphanage in Mars. He came to Oakmont an... CHUCK WAGNER Skip appreciates his roots, ... He was a kid who came out of an orphanage in Mars. He came to Oakmon... CHUCK WAGNER Right now he has real good command of his form and technique. He came out of basketball very strong,... DAVE SELLON Lᴏᴠᴇ ɪs ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡɪɴᴅ ... Yᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ sᴇᴇ ɪᴛ, ʙᴜᴛ ʏᴏ... NICHOLAS SPARKS When he was in a game, he put his mind, body and soul into trying to win it. He was animated, but th... BILL GRANGER
More Ambrose Bierce
WRATH, n. Anger of a superior quality and degree, appropriate to exalted characters and momentous oc... AMBROSE BIERCE Fidelity - a virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed. AMBROSE BIERCE RECREATION, n. A particular kind of dejection to relieve a general fatigue. AMBROSE BIERCE FUNERAL, n. A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and s... AMBROSE BIERCE ... the instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his coun... AMBROSE BIERCE Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. AMBROSE BIERCE Insurance - an ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfort... AMBROSE BIERCE The small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify we give the name of knowledge. AMBROSE BIERCE Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable. AMBROSE BIERCE Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success. AMBROSE BIERCE The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up. AMBROSE BIERCE Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly. AMBROSE BIERCE Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their ... AMBROSE BIERCE Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head. AMBROSE BIERCE Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking th... AMBROSE BIERCE The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity. AMBROSE BIERCE Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward. AMBROSE BIERCE Acquaintance: a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate ... AMBROSE BIERCE Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly un... AMBROSE BIERCE To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result. AMBROSE BIERCE A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man, who has no gills. AMBROSE BIERCE Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue. AMBROSE BIERCE Politeness -- The most acceptable hypocrisy. AMBROSE BIERCE Laughter -- An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarti... AMBROSE BIERCE Alien. An American sovereign in his probationary state. AMBROSE BIERCE An account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly k... AMBROSE BIERCE Historian. A broad -- gauge gossip. AMBROSE BIERCE Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Mis... AMBROSE BIERCE A funeral is a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker. AMBROSE BIERCE An egotist is a person interested in himself than in me! AMBROSE BIERCE Abscond. To move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another. AMBROSE BIERCE Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their deso... AMBROSE BIERCE A cynic is a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, and not as they ought to be. AMBROSE BIERCE Alliance. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserte... AMBROSE BIERCE A coward is one who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs. AMBROSE BIERCE Compromise. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction o... AMBROSE BIERCE A bride is a woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others. AMBROSE BIERCE ALLIANCE, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply in... AMBROSE BIERCE Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo AMBROSE BIERCE Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscie... AMBROSE BIERCE One who is in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs. AMBROSE BIERCE ZENITH, n. The point in the heavens directly overhead to a man standing or a growing cabbage. A m... AMBROSE BIERCE Dawn: When men of reason go to bed. AMBROSE BIERCE Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic. AMBROSE BIERCE Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head. AMBROSE BIERCE Admiration, n.: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves. AMBROSE BIERCE Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. AMBROSE BIERCE BOUNDARY, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginar... AMBROSE BIERCE Faith, noun. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things ... AMBROSE BIERCE Education, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understa... AMBROSE BIERCE Happiness, noun. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another. AMBROSE BIERCE History, n. An account mostly false, of events unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly... AMBROSE BIERCE Dentist, n.: A Prestidigitator who, putting metal in one's mouth, pulls coins out of one's pockets. AMBROSE BIERCE Cynic, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. AMBROSE BIERCE Income is the natural and rational gauge and measure of respectability. AMBROSE BIERCE Optimism, n. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly. AMBROSE BIERCE Mad, adj: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence. AMBROSE BIERCE INTIMACY, n. A relation into which fools are providentially drawn for their mutual destruction. AMBROSE BIERCE Litigant: a person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bone. AMBROSE BIERCE ZEAL, n. A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goeth b... AMBROSE BIERCE TELEPHONE n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeab... AMBROSE BIERCE Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreea... AMBROSE BIERCE I believe we shall come to care about people less and less. The more people one knows the easier it ... AMBROSE BIERCE PREDICAMENT, n. The wage of consistency. AMBROSE BIERCE ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions. Having received an ultima... AMBROSE BIERCE DIPLOMACY, n. The patriotic art of lying for one's country. AMBROSE BIERCE PORTUGUESE, n.pl. A species of geese indigenous to Portugal. They are mostly without feathers and im... AMBROSE BIERCE Christians and camels receive their burdens kneeling AMBROSE BIERCE Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum - I think that I think, therefore I think that I am. AMBROSE BIERCE CREMONA, n. A high-priced violin made in Connecticut. AMBROSE BIERCE PROVIDENTIAL, adj. Unexpectedly and conspicuously beneficial to the person so describing it. AMBROSE BIERCE BABE or BABY, n. A misshapen creature of no particular age, sex, or condition, chiefly remarkable fo... AMBROSE BIERCE A wedding is a ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothi... AMBROSE BIERCE PROJECTILE, n. The final arbiter in international disputes. Formerly these disputes were settled by ... AMBROSE BIERCE BAAL, n. An old deity formerly much worshiped under various names. As Baal he was popular with the P... AMBROSE BIERCE CARTESIAN, adj. Relating to Descartes, a famous philosopher, author of the celebrated dictum, _Cogit... AMBROSE BIERCE MEEKNESS, n. Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while. M is for Moses,... AMBROSE BIERCE TEETOTALER, n. One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally. AMBROSE BIERCE TEDIUM, n. Ennui, the state or condition of one that is bored. Many fanciful derivations of the word... AMBROSE BIERCE MOLECULE, n. The ultimate, indivisible unit of matter. It is distinguished from the corpuscle, also ... AMBROSE BIERCE FEAST, n. A festival. A religious celebration usually signalized by gluttony and drunkenness, freque... AMBROSE BIERCE Vote: The instrument and symbol of a free man's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his c... AMBROSE BIERCE LOQUACITY, n. A disorder which renders the sufferer unable to curb his tongue when you wish to talk. AMBROSE BIERCE In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to t... AMBROSE BIERCE Advice is the smallest current coin. AMBROSE BIERCE SOPHISTRY, n. The controversial method of an opponent, distinguished from one's own by superior insi... AMBROSE BIERCE ALDERMAN, n. An ingenious criminal who covers his secret thieving with a pretence of open marauding. AMBROSE BIERCE Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confesse... AMBROSE BIERCE WEATHER, n. The climate of the hour. A permanent topic of conversation among persons whom it does no... AMBROSE BIERCE INDECISION, n. The chief element of success; "for whereas," saith Sir Thomas Brewbold, "there is but... AMBROSE BIERCE LEONINE, adj. Unlike a menagerie lion. Leonine verses are those in which a word in the middle of a l... AMBROSE BIERCE PILLORY, n. A mechanical device for inflicting personal distinction --prototype of the modern newspa... AMBROSE BIERCE APPLAUSE, n. The echo of a platitude. AMBROSE BIERCE WORSHIP, n. Homo Creator's testimony to the sound construction and fine finish of Deus Creatus. A po... AMBROSE BIERCE MISERICORDE, n. A dagger which in mediaeval warfare was used by the foot soldier to remind an unhors... AMBROSE BIERCE ELECTOR, n. One who enjoys the sacred privilege of voting for the man of another man's choice. AMBROSE BIERCE ORPHAN, n. A living person whom death has deprived of the power of filial ingratitude . . . AMBROSE BIERCE ENCOMIAST, n. A special (but not particular) kind of liar. AMBROSE BIERCE TEDIUM, n. Ennui, the state or condition of one that is bored. Many fanciful derivations of the word... AMBROSE BIERCE DEGENERATE, adj. Less conspicuously admirable than one's ancestors. The contemporaries of Homer were... AMBROSE BIERCE ALIEN, n. An American sovereign in his probationary state. AMBROSE BIERCE ASS, n. A public singer with a good voice but no ear. In Virginia City, Nevada, he is called the Was... AMBROSE BIERCE PAST, n. That part of Eternity with some small fraction of which we have a slight and regrettable ac... AMBROSE BIERCE APPETITE, n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question. AMBROSE BIERCE CAABA, n. A large stone presented by the archangel Gabriel to the patriarch Abraham, and preserved a... AMBROSE BIERCE ADOLESCENCE The stage between puberty and adultery. AMBROSE BIERCE CREMONA, n. A high-priced violin made in Connecticut. AMBROSE BIERCE ROPE, n. An obsolescent appliance for reminding assassins that they too are mortal. It is put about ... AMBROSE BIERCE REALISM, n. The art of depicting nature as it is seem by toads. The charm suffusing a landscape pain... AMBROSE BIERCE BAAL, n. An old deity formerly much worshiped under various names. As Baal he was popular with the P... AMBROSE BIERCE HYDRA, n. A kind of animal that the ancients catalogued under many heads. AMBROSE BIERCE FREEDOM, n. Exemption from the stress of authority in a beggarly half dozen of restraint's infinite ... AMBROSE BIERCE MEEKNESS, n. Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while.M is for Moses, Who slew th... AMBROSE BIERCE WIDOW, n. A pathetic figure that the Christian world has agreed to take humorously, although Christ'... AMBROSE BIERCE FRIENDLESS, adj. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth an... AMBROSE BIERCE CONSULT, v.i. To seek another's disapproval of a course already decided on. AMBROSE BIERCE PREDICAMENT, n. The wage of consistency. AMBROSE BIERCE BASILISK, n. The cockatrice. A sort of serpent hatched form the egg of a cock. The basilisk had a ba... AMBROSE BIERCE Strike while your employer has a big contract. AMBROSE BIERCE EDITOR, n. A person who combines the judicial functions of Minos, Rhadamanthus and Aeacus, but is pl... AMBROSE BIERCE COMMONWEALTH, n. An administrative entity operated by an incalculable multitude of political parasit... AMBROSE BIERCE PORTUGUESE, n.pl. A species of geese indigenous to Portugal. They are mostly without feathers and im... AMBROSE BIERCE POSTERITY, n. An appellate court which reverses the judgment of a popular author's contemporaries, t... AMBROSE BIERCE ICONOCLAST, n. A breaker of idols, the worshipers whereof are imperfectly gratified by the performan... AMBROSE BIERCE FELON, n. A person of greater enterprise than discretion, who in embracing an opportunity has formed... AMBROSE BIERCE IMPOSTOR n. A rival aspirant to public honors. AMBROSE BIERCE DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set.A leaf was ri... AMBROSE BIERCE DIGESTION, n. The conversion of victuals into virtues. When the process is imperfect, vices are evol... AMBROSE BIERCE CONVERSATION, n. A fair to the display of the minor mental commodities, each exhibitor being too int... AMBROSE BIERCE Egotism, n: Doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with a pen. AMBROSE BIERCE PRIMATE, n. The head of a church, especially a State church supported by involuntary contributions. ... AMBROSE BIERCE ARCHBISHOP, n. An ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop.If I were a jolly archbish... AMBROSE BIERCE SCEPTER, n. A king's staff of office, the sign and symbol of his authority. It was originally a mace... AMBROSE BIERCE BLANK-VERSE, n. Unrhymed iambic pentameters --the most difficult kind of English verse to write acce... AMBROSE BIERCE Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility. AMBROSE BIERCE DISCRIMINATE, v.i. To note the particulars in which one person or thing is, if possible, more object... AMBROSE BIERCE NOTORIETY, n. The fame of one's competitor for public honors. The kind of renown most accessible and... AMBROSE BIERCE USAGE, n. The First Person of the literary Trinity, the Second and Third being Custom and Convention... AMBROSE BIERCE SENATE, n. A body of elderly gentlemen charged with high duties and misdemeanors. AMBROSE BIERCE RICE-WATER, n. A mystic beverage secretly used by our most popular novelists and poets to regulate t... AMBROSE BIERCE HUMANITY, n. The human race, collectively, exclusive of the anthropoid poets. AMBROSE BIERCE There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy. AMBROSE BIERCE MILLENNIUM, n. The period of a thousand years when the lid is to be screwed down, with all reformers... AMBROSE BIERCE Christian: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to t... AMBROSE BIERCE OPTIMIST, n. A proponent of the doctrine that black is white. A pessimist applied to God for relief.... AMBROSE BIERCE OPTIMIST, n. A proponent of the doctrine that black is white. A pessimist applied to God for relief. AMBROSE BIERCE Infidel, n. In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one ... AMBROSE BIERCE Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, c... AMBROSE BIERCE In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary, patriotism is defined as the last refuge of a scoundrel. With a... AMBROSE BIERCE LAZINESS, n. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree. AMBROSE BIERCE PEDIGREE, n. The known part of the route from an arboreal ancestor with a swim bladder to an urban d... AMBROSE BIERCE ACCUSE, v.t. To affirm another's guilt or unworth; most commonly as a justification of ourselves for... AMBROSE BIERCE EMBALM, v.i. To cheat vegetation by locking up the gases upon which it feeds. By embalming their dea... AMBROSE BIERCE SERIAL, n. A literary work, usually a story that is not true, creeping through several issues of a n... AMBROSE BIERCE ACQUAINTANCE, n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A... AMBROSE BIERCE PANTALOONS, n. A nether habiliment of the adult civilized male. The garment is tubular and unprovide... AMBROSE BIERCE BOUNTY, n. The liberality of one who has much, in permitting one who has nothing to get all that he ... AMBROSE BIERCE EXTINCTION, n. The raw material out of which theology created the future state. AMBROSE BIERCE ROBBER, n. A candid man of affairs. It is related of Voltaire that one night he and some traveling c... AMBROSE BIERCE Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion. AMBROSE BIERCE LUNARIAN, n. An inhabitant of the moon, as distinguished from Lunatic, one whom the moon inhabits. T... AMBROSE BIERCE WINE, n. Fermented grape-juice known to the Women's Christian Union as "liquor," sometimes as "rum."... AMBROSE BIERCE QUORUM, n. A sufficient number of members of a deliberative body to have their own way and their own... AMBROSE BIERCE Land: A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property su... AMBROSE BIERCE ARRAYED, pp. Drawn up and given an orderly disposition, as a rioter hanged to a lamppost. AMBROSE BIERCE PREDILECTION, n. The preparatory stage of disillusion. AMBROSE BIERCE Pitted against hard drinking Christians the abstemious Mahometans go down like grass before the scyt... AMBROSE BIERCE Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs. AMBROSE BIERCE Opportunity is a favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment. AMBROSE BIERCE UGLINESS, n. A gift of the gods to certain women, entailing virtue without humility. AMBROSE BIERCE From the vast, invisible ocean of moonlight overhead fell, here and here, a slender, broken stream t... AMBROSE BIERCE He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity. AMBROSE BIERCE You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps. AMBROSE BIERCE Edible. Good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pi... AMBROSE BIERCE Consult. To seek another's approval of a course already decided on. AMBROSE BIERCE They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid. AMBROSE BIERCE Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity. AMBROSE BIERCE Deliberation. The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on. AMBROSE BIERCE PROPHECY, n. The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery. AMBROSE BIERCE Admiration; is our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves. AMBROSE BIERCE Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly. AMBROSE BIERCE An optimist is a proponent of the doctrine that black is white. AMBROSE BIERCE Appeal. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw. AMBROSE BIERCE Wit. The salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out. AMBROSE BIERCE To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense. AMBROSE BIERCE The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling. AMBROSE BIERCE Consul. In American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is give... AMBROSE BIERCE Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscien... AMBROSE BIERCE The covers of this book are too far apart. AMBROSE BIERCE The Senate is a body of old men charged with high duties and misdemeanors. AMBROSE BIERCE To be positive: to be mistaken at the top of one's voice. AMBROSE BIERCE Censor, n. An officer of certain governments, employed to supress the works of genius. Among the Rom... AMBROSE BIERCE Genealogy. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his o... AMBROSE BIERCE Woman absent is woman dead. AMBROSE BIERCE DIPLOMACY, n. Lying in state, or the patriotic art of lying for one's country. AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds. Misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others. AMBROSE BIERCE YANKEE, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the So... AMBROSE BIERCE Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy. AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others. AMBROSE BIERCE