Bookmark Us and Share :)

Einstein wrote that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. That said, is it crazier to repeatedly throw yourself against a window, or to repeatedly open that window, believing the creatures that are throwing themselves against it might come into your house, take a look around, and leave with no hard feelings?


David Sedaris

Follow: KnowYourQuote on Twitter

  Email Quote to Friends   Link to Quote   Create Short URL  Publish Text About This Quote   Share on Facebook, Twitter, and more
  See Recommended Quotes For You
👕 Try MeTee.com: publish meme shirts in seconds and earn a commission forever

Related

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over and over again, but expect...
ALBERT EINSTEIN
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
BENJAMIN FRANKLIN
Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.
NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.
RITA MAE BROWN
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
ALBERT EINSTEIN
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
UNKNOWN
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
JOHN DRYDEN
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different resul...
ALBERT EINSTEIN
One of the better definitions of insanity - doing the exact same thing over and over and expecting t...
ANTHONY KIEDIS
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different resul...
ALBERT EINSTEIN
Life is weird and wonderful like that, is it not.
SONYA.E.WILLIAMS
Your lack of commitment to being different is what kills you. It is the insanity of doing the same t...
SHANNON L. ALDER
A man once said the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over and expecting diff...
V. THEIA
It is a lie.
ARTHUR MILLER
Unfortunately, Susan didn't remember what Jane Fulton once said, 'Insanity is doing the same thing, ...
RITA MAE BROWN
A part of me expects more of my only sister....Dorothy has always been exactly who she is, and for m...
PATRICIA CORNWELL
Insanity is doing the same thing in the same way and expecting a different outcome.
CHINESE PROVERB
Insanity is doing the same thing in the same way and expecting a different outcome.
CHINESE PROVERB
If we do not understand something we pretend it does not exist .Pretending that something does not e...
GARY F EVANS...
If we do not understand something we pretend it does not exist .Pretending that something does not e...
GARY F EVANS...
I believe that there is a Matrix and... to be more accurate I am in the Pornography Matrix.
DEYTH BANGER
The thing about being catapulted into a whole new life--or at least, shoved up so hard against someo...
JOJO MOYES
We have repeatedly said there is a brief window of opportunity to act within China,
JULIE HALL
Do you know what Albert Einstein's definition of insanity was?"
"No."
"Doing the same th...
CHRISTIAN CANTRELL
Your mailbox is your window to your heart! Make sure you leave that window open!
, ANIMAL CROSSING: WILD WORLD, 2005
My dad used to say the definition of stupidity was doing the same thing over and over again and expe...
DAVID ESTES
All I ever did to that apartment was hang fifty yards of yellow theatrical silk across the bedroom w...
JOAN DIDION
We can never make proper goodbyes. It was your last ride in a Checker cab and you had no warning. It...
COLSON WHITEHEAD
Albert Einstein once said that ‘insanity’ was ‘Doing the same thing over and over again, expec...
JOSS SHELDON
She’d read somewhere that the definition of crazy was doing the same thing over and over but expec...
LAURELIN PAIGE
Do you know the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different r...
GENA SHOWALTER
If insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results - then ...
BRIAN ROCK
You release the pain of the past and press on. It's a new day, and God is doing a new thing. He want...
CRAIG GROESCHEL
Insanity is doing the same thing in thesame way & expecting a different outcome
OLD CHINESE PROVERB
Craziness is doing the same thing and expecting a different result
TOM DEMARCO
Stupidity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result.
ELIEZER YUDKOWSKY
Life was a short window and there was no sense in doing the wrong thing over and over even if it was...
ANNA GODBERSEN
Against a good team, that window of opportunity is open for a very short time -- and it has to be sh...
BILL POTOCZNY
I am told that the clinical definition of insanity is the tendency to do the same thing over and ove...
STEPHEN F. LYNCH
My 'thing' is that I just lie in my immense bed and look out the window at the skyline over ...
BEN STEIN
Food Allergies Are Not Due to Food, Rather Are Due to the Constant Contamination of That Food That Y...
THEHEALTHFOODGURU
Food Allergies Are Not Due to Food, Rather Are Due to the Constant Contamination of That Food That Y...
THEHEALTHFOODGURU
What is it that makes you so angry, bothers you so deeply, that you're compelled to act?
CRAIG GROESCHEL
To stand on the
brink of what is coming, feeling eager, optimistic anticipation—with no feeli...
ASK AND IT IS GIVEN
I realized that day that blessings come in a variety of shapes, colors, and sizes.
CRAIG GROESCHEL
The cool thing about doing a voice-over into a different language is that you get to bring the chara...
BRIDGIT MENDLER
But, Jefferson worried that the people - and the argument goes back to Thucydides and Aristotle - ar...
CARL SAGAN
There is no window to look outside.
There is no window to look within.
Open the doors.
SANHITA BARUAH
That's why we seize the moment try to freeze it and own it, squeeze it and hold it.
EMINEM
The two men had a conversation. Brief, cryptic, to the point. As though they had exchanged numbers a...
ARUNDHATI ROY
If you rap your knuckles against a window jamb or door, if you brush your leg against a bed or desk,...
WILLIAM S. BURROUGHS
If you rap your knuckles against a window jamb or door, if you brush your leg against a bed or desk,...
WILLIAM S. BURROUGHS
The No. 1 cause of burnout is doing the same thing over and over again and not seeing results. You n...
STEVE KACZMARSKI
I just got a taste of something that night, and it was a great taste. It's something I'd like to tas...
JOEY DEVINE
If anyone was still expecting a Fed rate cut before, they're certainly going to throw that out the w...
COREY REDFIELD
To paraphrase Einstein, insanity is expecting employees to do one thing while rewarding them for doi...
ROBERT G. THOMPSON
What Fucks me... is that we both are the same... we all walk on the same path... but everything is a...
DEYTH BANGER
Our history tells you over the last 13 years of the Gold and David Sullivan [era] we are there in th...
DAVID GOLD
I'm asking God to bless you with something that unsettles you, disturbs you, and upsets you.
CRAIG GROESCHEL
If you pour everything you have into this life, this world, which is temporary and fading, you're je...
CRAIG GROESCHEL
28. Feelings are neither right nor wrong. It's what you do with them that causes the problems.
JAMES C. DOBSON
The Biggest Threat to our Democracy, Freedoms and Future is Leadership that fosters and Appeases the...
MICHAEL HARRIS
The Biggest Threat to our Democracy, Freedoms and Future is Leadership that fosters and Appeases the...
MICHAEL HARRIS
Aside from all that, she was carrying about a million tons of titanium ore to the heavy industries o...
CHRISTINA ENGELA
Vents were added to the rear bonnet in 1972 and resulted in wet engines and starting problems, and t...
CHRISTINA ENGELA
Well, love is insanity. The ancient Greeks knew that. It is the taking over of a rational and lucid ...
MARILYN FRENCH
Why do alcoholics begin down the same hazardous road day after day? They are in search of that elusi...
ROGER EBERT
If insanity is in repeating the same behavior while expecting different results, no less insane is t...
ROBIN SACREDFIRE
Ideas are 10 a penny. It's the execution that's the hard thing to do. House is standing up a...
HUGH LAURIE
A big sacrifice is coming, and you won't have the courage to make it. That will cost you dearly. It ...
RICK RIORDAN
If God closes a door AND a window, consider the fact that it might be time to build a whole new hous...
MANDY HALE
There are so many things we do in life that define the real meaning of our lives. There are so many ...
ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH
Empathy is the new measurement of everything. It doesn't matter what religion you have, what God you...
C. JOYBELL C.
Isaiah Berlin once said that there are two kinds of writers, hedgehogs and foxes. He said the fox kn...
COLIN WILSON
When hit by boredom, let yourself be crushed by it; submerge, hit bottom. In general, with things un...
JOSEPH BRODSKY
One definition of insanity is to do the same thing, day-after-day, expecting different results
MARK SILBER
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who ...
GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
Concerns have been expressed over the years about the psychological effects of receiving a positive ...
ELLIOT COWAN
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with the window shut, and a woman wh...
OGDEN NASH
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who ...
GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
[People were] highly angry over the idea that someone from outside the community could come in and i...
JACK FORD
If I were a carpenter, I would build you a window to my soul. But I would leave that window shut and...
COLLEEN HOOVER
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with window shut, and a woman who can...
OGDEN NASH
Of another lie "You said that you will be with me...", "Everything what I want I will get..", but???...
DEYTH BANGER
You know what they say. If at first you don't succeed, try the same thing again. Sometimes the effor...
THOMAS KING
When you are true to yourself, you will find yourself more easily able to pursue the things that mat...
ELIZABETH ALRAUNE
Mother Superior jump the gun...
-The Beatles, Happiness is a Warm Gun
LAUREN MYRACLE
His life seemed like a deck of cards, and in the midst of all those two’s and three’s someone ha...
TEKOA MANNING
How lucky I am to have known somebody and something that saying goodbye to is so damned awful.
EVANS G. VALENS
Another reason why we cannot combine targets and forecasts is because a good target needs to have an...
BJARTE BOGSNES
At night, I open the window
and ask the moon to come
and press its face against mine.
JALALUDDIN MEVLANA RUMI
I have seen the cycle of a non-violent, mentally ill offender who is arrested repeatedly and put int...
MIKE DEWINE
Different and new is just the same old if you keep doing it over and over.
KYRAN PITTMAN
When you look at the world through a window it looks so peaceful and harmless ,but looks can be very...
GARY F EVANS...
The key to any comeback victory, especially when you're able to do it repeatedly, is confidence - th...
GREG BEALS
When you look at the world through a window it looks so peaceful and harmless ,but looks can be very...
GARY F EVANS...
Your cunning has proved to be that of Cain. I grant you power over the Hellmouth. May Samael take my...
GEORGINA MORALES
There is a broken window but we don't believe that was used as a means of entry into the house.
CAPT. JON FROOMIN
When a lot of voices, make up a noise, the man who is silent represents a voice.
APURVA GAGLANI
The trash that I am throwing out of my car window is landing somewhere that is not a trash bin.
SALMAN KASBATI

More David Sedaris

I've been keeping a diary for thirty-three years and write in it every morning. Most of it's...
DAVID SEDARIS
It's odd the things that people remember. Parents will arrange a birthday party, certain it will...
DAVID SEDARIS
If I could believe in myself, why not give other improbabilities the benefit of the doubt? I accepte...
DAVID SEDARIS
If you aren't cute, you may as well be clever.
DAVID SEDARIS
Say what you will about the south, but in North Carolina a hot dog is free to swing anyway it wishes...
DAVID SEDARIS
I'd tried to straighten him out, but there's only so much you can do for a person who thinks Auschwi...
DAVID SEDARIS
Shit is the tofu of cursing.
DAVID SEDARIS
I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodr...
DAVID SEDARIS
One thing about English-language bookstores in the age of Amazon is that it assumes that everybody h...
DAVID SEDARIS
Plenty of animals had pets, but few were more devoted than the mouse, who owned a baby corn snake—...
DAVID SEDARIS
As bad a dresser as I am, anything beats being judged by my character.
DAVID SEDARIS
The Greeks had invented democracy, built the Acropolis and called it a day.
DAVID SEDARIS
You have how many children in your family?" the teacher would ask. "I'm guessing you must be Catholi...
DAVID SEDARIS
You just take and take don´t you? Out there with your thumb in the air—not a care in the world, j...
DAVID SEDARIS
Watching him was like opening the door to a siniging telegram; you know it's supposed to be entertai...
DAVID SEDARIS
Anyone who watches even the slightest amount of TV is familiar with the scene: An agent knocks on th...
DAVID SEDARIS
I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a letter o...
DAVID SEDARIS
I love 'Glee.' I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it...
DAVID SEDARIS
It is funny the things that run through your mind when you're sitting in your underpants in front of...
DAVID SEDARIS
But I'm a humorist. I'm not a reporter, I never pretended to be a reporter.
DAVID SEDARIS
He took a sip of my father’s weak coffee and spit it back into the mug. "This shit’s like making...
DAVID SEDARIS
Scream at the mangled leather carcass lying at the foot of the stairs, and my parents would roar wit...
DAVID SEDARIS
When her muzzle grew more white than brown, the chipmunk forgot that she and the squirrel had had no...
DAVID SEDARIS
That man tried to picka my frienda’s pocketoni!
DAVID SEDARIS
I just enjoy lying on the couch and reading a magazine.
DAVID SEDARIS
My sister Tiffany told me years ago, 'You can never write about me.' Then she called six mon...
DAVID SEDARIS
Do I exaggerate? Boy, do I, and I'd do it more if I could get away with it.
DAVID SEDARIS
But I don't distinguish between being laughed with, and laughed at. I'll take either.
DAVID SEDARIS
I like the trail that the Internet created. For example, I was watching one of those Douglas Sirk mo...
DAVID SEDARIS
Hugh and I have been together for so long that in order to arouse extraordinary passion, we need to ...
DAVID SEDARIS
Like all of my friends, she's a lousy judge of character.
DAVID SEDARIS
For as long as I can remember, my father saved. He saves money, he saves disfigured sticks that rese...
DAVID SEDARIS
but I have no mind for business and considered staying awake to be enough of an accomplishment.
DAVID SEDARIS
Potential boyfriends could not smoke Merit cigarettes, own or wear a pair of cowboy boots, or eat an...
DAVID SEDARIS
I find it ridiculous to assign a gender to an inanimate object incapable of disrobing and making an ...
DAVID SEDARIS
What's the trick to remembering that a sandwich is masculine? What qualities does it share with anyo...
DAVID SEDARIS
The rabbit of Easter. He bring of the chocolate.
DAVID SEDARIS
The italian nanny was attempting to answer the teachers latest question when the moroccan student in...
DAVID SEDARIS
I find it ridiculous to assign a gender to an inanimate object incapable of disrobing and making an ...
DAVID SEDARIS
In Paris the cashiers sit rather than stand. They run your goods over a scanner, tally up the price,...
DAVID SEDARIS
Sometimes with 'The New Yorker,' they have grammar rules that just don't feel right in m...
DAVID SEDARIS
The thought of killing myself had slowed me down to five miles per hour. The thought of killing some...
DAVID SEDARIS
My hands tend to be full enough dealing with people who hate me for _who_ I am. Concentrate too hard...
DAVID SEDARIS
I’d always been afraid of sick people, and so had my mother. It wasn’t that we feared catching t...
DAVID SEDARIS
Jeremy, Good luck on your first marriage.
DAVID SEDARIS
Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt...
DAVID SEDARIS
He's as nutty as a vegan T-bone.
DAVID SEDARIS
If I'm riding my bike I just replay the same scenarios over and over in my head, like I haven...
DAVID SEDARIS
Seven beers followed by two Scotches and a thimble of marijuana and it's funny how sleep comes all o...
DAVID SEDARIS
I'm just a big liar.
DAVID SEDARIS
I've always been very upfront about the way I write, and I've always used the tools humorist...
DAVID SEDARIS
I just looked at the pattern of my life, decided I didn't like it, and changed.
DAVID SEDARIS
A zoo is a good place to make a spectacle of yourself, as the people around you have creepier, more ...
DAVID SEDARIS
If you stepped out of the shower and saw a leprechaun standing at the base of your toilet, would you...
DAVID SEDARIS
There’s a short circuit between my brain and my tongue, thus “Leave me the fuck alone” comes o...
DAVID SEDARIS
If I could believe in myself, why not give other improbabilities the benefit of the doubt?
DAVID SEDARIS
I go to the movies at least five times a week, and after a while everything becomes a blur to me.
DAVID SEDARIS
To say that a humorist exaggerates to get big laughs, I don't see how that's big news.
DAVID SEDARIS
Lovers of audio books learn to live with compromise.
DAVID SEDARIS
Every gathering has its moment. As an adult, I distract myself by trying to identify it, dreading th...
DAVID SEDARIS
Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.
DAVID SEDARIS
We were not a hugging people. In terms of emotional comfort it was our belief that no amount of phys...
DAVID SEDARIS
Writing gives you the illusion of control, and then you realize it's just an illusion, that people a...
DAVID SEDARIS
I meet people at book signings. My record now, for signing, is ten and a half hours in one sitting.
DAVID SEDARIS
The humor section is the last place an author wants to be. They put your stuff next to collections o...
DAVID SEDARIS
There seemed to be some correlation between devotion to God and a misguided zeal for marshmallows.
DAVID SEDARIS
My hands tend to be full enough dealing with people who hate me for who I am. Concentrate too hard o...
DAVID SEDARIS
On my fifth trip to France I limited myself to the words and phrases that people actually use. From ...
DAVID SEDARIS
Every day we're told that we live in the greatest country on earth. And it's always stated as an und...
DAVID SEDARIS
Certain motherfuckers think they can fuck with my shit, but you can't kill the Rooster. You might ca...
DAVID SEDARIS
When shit brings you down, just say 'fuck it', and eat yourself some motherfucking candy.
DAVID SEDARIS
I was just struggling with my inner vachette and pondering the depths of my own inhumanity.
DAVID SEDARIS
No one writes dialect better than Flannery O'Connor. No one should even try.
DAVID SEDARIS
I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a letter o...
DAVID SEDARIS
People ask if I miss it, but they don't understand that American culture is so ubiquitous that t...
DAVID SEDARIS
Maybe I'll learn a trade. I've considered taxidermy. I always thought it was a shame you couldn't do...
DAVID SEDARIS
I asked her, dreamily, if we had met, and when she told me that we had not, I gave her a little fing...
DAVID SEDARIS
I haven't the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candi...
DAVID SEDARIS
I was a smart-ass, born and raised. This had been my curse and would continue to be so.
DAVID SEDARIS
College is the best thing that can ever happen to you," my father used to say, and he was right, for...
DAVID SEDARIS
The whole notion of the nursing home was something dreamed up by people like my mother; American wom...
DAVID SEDARIS
What are you, tap dancing up there? You want a put on a show, do you? Well, the theater's closed for...
DAVID SEDARIS
Motherfucker, you try that again and I'll come in there with a fucking coat hanger and give you some...
DAVID SEDARIS
Being locked up is one thing, but to have no concept of confinement, to be ignorant of its terms and...
DAVID SEDARIS
Like any normal fifth grader, I preferred my villains to be evil and stay that way, to act like Drac...
DAVID SEDARIS
The combination of ammonia and chloride can be lethal but I've discovered it can work miracles as lo...
DAVID SEDARIS
Sometimes the sins you haven't committed are all you have left to hold onto.
DAVID SEDARIS
whenever I read a passage that moves me, I transcribe it in my diary, hoping my fingers might learn ...
DAVID SEDARIS
Hugh consoled me, saying, "Don't let it get to you. There are plenty of things you're good at."
DAVID SEDARIS
After a few months in my parents' basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where...
DAVID SEDARIS
I guess my guilty pleasure would be listening to the British audio versions of the 'Harry Potter...
DAVID SEDARIS
I love getting attention, just like a child loves it, and it's never worn off. So when people sa...
DAVID SEDARIS
The only bright spot in the entire evening was the presence of Kevin "Tubby" Matchwell, the eleven-y...
DAVID SEDARIS
The trouble with aggressive nonsmokers is that they feel they are doing you a favor by not allowing ...
DAVID SEDARIS
The word phobic has its place when properly used, but lately it's been declawed by the pompous insis...
DAVID SEDARIS
In other parts of the country people tried to stay together for the sake of the children. In New Yor...
DAVID SEDARIS
It's a common mistake for vacationing Americans to assume that everyone around them is French and th...
DAVID SEDARIS
Amy adored both the new look and the new person it allowed her to be. Following the photo shoot, she...
DAVID SEDARIS
When asked "What do we need to learn this for?" any high-school teacher can confidently answer that,...
DAVID SEDARIS
I hate you' she said to me one afternoon. 'I really, really hate you.' Call me sensitive, but I coul...
DAVID SEDARIS
People in trailers were canned and labeled much like the apple juice down at the plant, stamped with...
DAVID SEDARIS
What other people call dark and despairing, I call funny.
DAVID SEDARIS
I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospecti...
DAVID SEDARIS
Oh, for Christ's sake,' I hear. 'Can we please just try to have a good time?' This is like ordering ...
DAVID SEDARIS
You're the man now,' she said to me after my father died, 'you're the man.' Then she turned to Popey...
DAVID SEDARIS
If you're looking for sympathy you'll find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.
DAVID SEDARIS
… [I] recall thinking that the computer would never advance much further than this. Call me naïve...
DAVID SEDARIS
the lower bunks, both of us longing to be pinned. “You kids think you invented sex,” my mother w...
DAVID SEDARIS
the beauty of an art school: as long as you can pay the tuition, they will never, even in the gentle...
DAVID SEDARIS
Motherfucker, you haven't got the fucking balls God gave a goddamned church mouse. You crawled out o...
DAVID SEDARIS
He has a passport," my classmates would whisper. "Quick, let's run before he judges us!
DAVID SEDARIS
We give anonymously because the sackfuls of thank-you letters break our hearts with their clumsy han...
DAVID SEDARIS
If nothing else, life in the suburbs promised that you might go from day to day without finding shit...
DAVID SEDARIS
I giggled out loud at his stupidity. If anyone knew how to make a bed, it was a faggot.
DAVID SEDARIS
between the disfigurement and the muzzle, it's nearly impossible to catch what she's saying. Always,...
DAVID SEDARIS
It's just a penis, right? Probably no worse for you than smoking.
DAVID SEDARIS
I've become like one of those people I hate, the sort who go to the museum and, instead of looking a...
DAVID SEDARIS
All of us take pride and pleasure in the fact that we are unique, but I'm afraid that when all is sa...
DAVID SEDARIS
They were Jesuits," she told me. "That means they believe in God but not in terlet paper. You should...
DAVID SEDARIS
They were nothing like the French people I had imagined. If anything, they were too kind, too genero...
DAVID SEDARIS
When a hurricane damaged my father's house, my brother rushed over with a gas grill, three coolers o...
DAVID SEDARIS
As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts.
DAVID SEDARIS
Each one of us is left to choose our own quality of life and take pleasure where we find it with the...
DAVID SEDARIS
Kools and Newports were for black people and lower-class whites. Camels were for procrastinators, th...
DAVID SEDARIS
At first, writing for The New Yorker was very scary to me. I couldn't imagine anything that I would ...
DAVID SEDARIS
I haven't the slightest idea how to change people, but I still keep a long list of prospective candi...
DAVID SEDARIS
After a few months in my parents' basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where I d...
DAVID SEDARIS
For the first twenty years of my life, I rocked myself to sleep. It was a harmless enough hobby, but...
DAVID SEDARIS
If you read somebody's diary, you get what you deserve.
DAVID SEDARIS
Anyone who watches even the slightest amount of TV is familiar with the scene: An agent knocks on th...
DAVID SEDARIS
I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a ...
DAVID SEDARIS
People ask me, 'Have you ever considered doing stand-up?' To me it would be less offensive i...
DAVID SEDARIS
If you read someone else's diary, you get what you deserve.
DAVID SEDARIS
People are often frightened of Parisians, but an American in Paris will find no harsher critic than ...
DAVID SEDARIS
Mr. Mancini had a singular talent for making me uncomfortable. He forced me to consider things I’d...
DAVID SEDARIS
In order to get the things I want, it helps me to pretend I’m a figure in a daytime drama, a schem...
DAVID SEDARIS
At the end of a miserable day, instead of grieving my virtual nothing, I can always look at my loade...
DAVID SEDARIS
I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective c...
DAVID SEDARIS
It was my friend Frank, a writer in San Francisco, who finally set me straight. When asked about my ...
DAVID SEDARIS
On Undecided Voter​s: "To put them in perspective, I think​ of being​ on an airplane.​ The f...
DAVID SEDARIS
Why refer to Lady Crack Pipe or Good Sir Dishrag when these things could never live up to all that t...
DAVID SEDARIS
As a foreigner in London, I like that there are so many other foreigners.
DAVID SEDARIS
But most good movies have a gun in them.
DAVID SEDARIS
Anyone who watches even the slightest amount of TV is familiar with the scene: An agent knocks on th...
DAVID SEDARIS
Shit is the tofu of cursing and can be molded to whichever condition the speaker desires. Hot as shi...
DAVID SEDARIS
When they're born outside, crows come and pluck their eyes out.
DAVID SEDARIS
On a busy day twenty-two thousand people come to visit Santa, and I was told that it is an elf's lot...
DAVID SEDARIS
I've always had a way with the little people, making it a point to humor them without looking down m...
DAVID SEDARIS
What I really hated, of course, was my mind. There must have been an off switch somewhere, but I was...
DAVID SEDARIS
Someone in our family had taken to wiping his or her ass on the bath towels. What made this exceptio...
DAVID SEDARIS
The thing to remeber is that more than anything in this world, these colored people wish they were w...
DAVID SEDARIS
They're hungry for something they know nothing about, but we, we know all too well that the price of...
DAVID SEDARIS
Right, I breast feed baby camels in my backyard just for the freaking fun of it. Just tell me where ...
DAVID SEDARIS
I'm the most important person in the lives of almost everyone I know and a good number of the people...
DAVID SEDARIS
States vote to take away my marriage rights, and even though I don't want to get married, it tends t...
DAVID SEDARIS
I hate computers. My hatred is entrenched, and I nourish it daily. I’m comfortable with it, and no...
DAVID SEDARIS
A good [short story] would take me out of myself and then stuff me back in, outsized, now, and uneas...
DAVID SEDARIS
Speed eliminates all doubt. Am I smart enough? Will people like me? Do I really look all right in th...
DAVID SEDARIS
I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, "I need a letter o...
DAVID SEDARIS
I always think it's a good policy to like the people who like you.
DAVID SEDARIS
I'm very domestic; I love cleaning. I love cooking. I like waiting on people. I just like to mak...
AMY SEDARIS
People who shop in health food stores never look healthy.
AMY SEDARIS
I wouldn't call myself a shut-in. I have the ability to leave my home; I just choose not to. But...
AMY SEDARIS
I love theatrical props: a cup filled with solid fake tea, say, or a collection of fake food, includ...
AMY SEDARIS
I have always wanted a bunny and I'll always have a rabbit the rest of my life.
AMY SEDARIS
I really don't like going out. I don't like restaurants because I don't like the idea of...
AMY SEDARIS
My characters always like themselves.
AMY SEDARIS
You know when you watch old movies, it's always the small parts you remember, the character actors w...
AMY SEDARIS
My kitchen's pink, like skin-tone pink, and I lowered my spice rack so it's eye level - it&#...
AMY SEDARIS
I have a lot of fake food in my apartment, but I'm picky about it. Old plaster food, like from t...
AMY SEDARIS
I'm gonna do the whole bedroom in camel color - it's an old lady color.
AMY SEDARIS
If I put my mind to something, it happens. I do know that's not necessarily psychic. But I alway...
AMY SEDARIS
You know when you watch old movies, it's always the small parts you remember, the character acto...
AMY SEDARIS
But I always like to play ugly people who think they're pretty.
AMY SEDARIS
When people tell me they are going to go scrapbooking, I say, 'Why don't you make it yoursel...
AMY SEDARIS
I like crafts that come out of poverty or necessity. There used to be hobby shops where you'd ge...
AMY SEDARIS
I like to decide the night before Thanksgiving that I'm gonna do it, and I'll see what riff ...
AMY SEDARIS
My favorite things often have a story behind them and are usually handmade or discovered at a flea m...
AMY SEDARIS
I'm satisfied just thinking of the idea.
AMY SEDARIS
I always got along with all types of people - popular people as well as drug addicts.
AMY SEDARIS
I want witchcraft so bad that I can't stand it. I have wands in my apartment. And I use them som...
AMY SEDARIS
I'm not ambitious.
AMY SEDARIS
My mother always said 'Don't bother other people.' I think that's good advice.
AMY SEDARIS
Accentuaute the positives - medicate the negatives.
AMY SEDARIS
My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper.
AMY SEDARIS
I never really take shortcuts. I was always one of those people who, instead of cutting across someo...
AMY SEDARIS
More men than women like 'Strangers With Candy'. Pretty girls don't like the show. They ...
AMY SEDARIS
I love costumes. My dream growing up was always to have my own costume and prop shop.
AMY SEDARIS
I choose to do unattractive people, because then I can pretend they think they're attractive.
AMY SEDARIS
It's driving me crazy! It's awful. I saw four last night during the Academy Awards. Four little baby...
AMY SEDARIS
Don't answer the door in a wedding dress and veil, he might not think you're joking.
AMY SEDARIS
In all the land there is only one you, possibly two, but seldom more than sixteen.
AMY SEDARIS
I always liked my teachers, and I was in a lot of after-school projects. I was a Girl Scout until my...
AMY SEDARIS
You think in a different way when you don't have any money. The joy of poverty is that you use y...
AMY SEDARIS
I'm not a good storyteller. I always think I'm going to get interrupted, or something's ...
AMY SEDARIS
I think it's still kind of weird to memorize a line, because you're supposed to 'be'...
AMY SEDARIS
Sometimes, to keep things exciting, I decorate my house as if I owned a child. I'll toss a tiny ...
AMY SEDARIS
Books are challenging and inspirational to me.
AMY SEDARIS
Sometimes losing a pet is more painful than losing a human because in the case of the pet, you were ...
AMY SEDARIS
Don't leave a piece of jewelry at his house so you can go back and get it later; he may be with his ...
AMY SEDARIS