(๑′ᴗ‵๑) try ViralVideoDB.com daily viral videos

GRAMMAR, n. A system of pitfalls thoughtfully prepared for the feet for the self-made man, along the path by which he advances to distinction.


Ambrose Bierce

Follow: KnowYourQuote on Twitter

  Email Quote to Friends   Link to Quote   Create Short URL  Publish Text About This Quote   Share on Facebook, Twitter, and more
  See Recommended Quotes For You

Related

call it chicken salad
SARAH DESSEN
Society. The same society, I might add, that dictates that little girls should always be sugar and s...
SARAH DESSEN
The people's government, made for the people, made by the people, and answerable to the people.
DANIEL WEBSTER
This is a 911? You know you only text that when someone is dead or dying. You scared the crap out of...
SARAH DESSEN
(All the grief she had suffered over her lifetime had moulded her face into a mask of eternal sadnes...
JEAN SASSON
The bottom line is, what defines you isn't how many times you crash, but the number of times you get...
SARAH DESSEN
It’s the things you fight for and struggle with before earning that have the greatest worth.
SARAH DESSEN
May I never neither turn left nor turn right in my journey of life, but may I go straight to Christ ...
ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH
This Bible is for the government of the people, by the people and for the people.
JOHN WYCLIFFE
It all counts,' Adam said again. 'And the bottom line is, what defines you isn't how many times you ...
SARAH DESSEN
...You can't unlearn something, even if you want to. You know what you know.
SARAH DESSEN
It was terrible and awful when someone left you. You could move on, do the best you could, but like ...
SARAH DESSEN
To me, summer has always been about potential. This was especially true when I was in high school. T...
SARAH DESSEN
Just because something's damaged doesn't mean it shouldn't be treated with respect.'

'Ad,...
SARAH DESSEN
You're supposed to fail sometimes. It's a required part of the human existence
-Eli
SARAH DESSEN
…You don’t want the best of times to be just one thing, forever. You have to have a lot of bests...
SARAH DESSEN
If you are among the good fellows chances are that you will be among the blemishes for the wicked ar...
APURVA GAGLANI
Jesus Christ wants to show His love for this world through us, Christians.
SUNDAY ADELAJA
Eat for lunch, but let something for dinner.
ERBLIN VUKAJ
Starting today, must forget what gone yesterday,appreciate what remains today & look forward what ca...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA
It's hard when you have things but lose them, it's even harder when you feel that you're being left ...
GARY F EVANS...
There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.” ~ Ambrose ...
J.J. MCAVOY
Love came when you weren't looking, except in the case of millions who found mates on Match.com, but...
KRISTAN HIGGINS
From the Kindle Book Reflections in the Mirror of Life:
“In a slum somewhere in India
As...
THE PROPHET OF LIFE
A Bluesman hates to be told what to do. Authority rankles him, inspires his rebellion, and plays to ...
CHRISTOPHER MOORE
APPETITE, n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question.
AMBROSE BIERCE
No formal course in fiction-writing can equal a close and observant perusal of the stories of Edgar ...
H. P. LOVECRAFT
I don't define lust as anything evil or nasty. Lust as defined by me, is the feeling of desire: a de...
C. JOYBELL C.
The more thou dost advance, the more thy feet pitfalls will meet. The Path that leadeth on is lighte...
HELEN P. BLAVATSKY
This rigorous, data-based, economic approach to developing N rate guidelines provides an excellent p...
GYLES RANDALL
The power of man;Man does not only have the power to accomplish great & unbelievable things in life,...
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN)
The heart is deceitful and wicked in everyone; the Holy Spirit changes even the most wretched sinner...
NORM TOMLINSON
The heart is deceitful and wicked in everyone; the Holy Spirit changes even the most wretched sinner...
NORM TOMLINSON
Woe unto you if you have come to this world just to fear man,for man is nothing but ordinary dust wi...
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN)
[Adam picks up the camera] "I have to get a shot of this."
The reaction in the room was swift, ...
SARAH DESSEN
Hollis " I said "you're messing with me right now aren't you You're in Paris or somewhere and just-"...
SARAH DESSEN
Sometimes a question can hurt more than an answer.
SARAH DESSEN
The man I am today it's not the man of yesterday
CHRISTOPHER FUDGE
We didn't talk about our scars, the ones you could see and the ones you couldn't.
SARAH DESSEN
You must save what you can of your life; you musn't lose it all simply because you've lost a part.
HENRY JAMES
What will make you a star is in you
SOTONYE ANGA
Entrepreneur, you're either raising the bar of excellence or, you're exhaling at the bar which is ex...
ONYI ANYADO
Why live for the day, when you know the next one is going to be exactly the same.
HUGO SVENSSON
In the dark beside me, she smelled of sweat and sunshine and vanilla,
JOHN GREEN
Together my wife and I are building the kingdom of God, exercising dominion, beating back the weeds ...
R.C. SPROUL JR.
Everything about Andrew was hot, from the hands holding him down to the mouth steadily taking Neil a...
NORA SAKAVIC
The wise man bridges the gap by laying out the path by means of which he can get from where he is to...
JOHN PIERPONT MORGAN
If you want to marry me, here's what you'll have to do:
You must learn how to make a perfect ch...
SHEL SILVERSTEIN
With the people, for the people, by the people. I crack up when I hear it; I say, with the handful, ...
FANNIE LOU HAMER
Why live for the day, when you know the next one is going to be exactly the same.
HUGO SVENSSON
Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the Earth.
ABRAHAM LINCOLN
There is too much government today. We've got to remember the government should be by the people...
RAY BRADBURY
But there will be no justice, there will be no government of the people, by the people, and for the ...
JOHN JAY HOOKER
By the time we've made it, we've had it.
MALCOLM FORBES
It wasn't until Kiffney-Brown, when I met Jason Talbot, that I really thought I might actually have ...
SARAH DESSEN
PILLORY, n. A mechanical device for inflicting personal distinction --prototype of the modern newspa...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Stop a minute, Ambrose!" interrupted Master Nathaniel. "I've got a sudden silly whim that we should ...
HOPE MIRRLEES
I like to open for a band as it brings on sort of a challenge and it makes things more interesting. ...
KELLY JONES
He's for you and wants to help you be the person He created you to be.
CRAIG GROESCHEL
Words will always be the words, the world will change.
MAYANK KUMAR LOUTERIYA
Guard your thoughts.
Your thoughts define the state of your wellness.
LAILAH GIFTY AKITA
Words will always be the words, the world will change.
MAYANK KUMAR LOUTERIYA
Man is made or unmade by himself. In the armory of thought he forges the weapons by which he destroy...
JAMES ALLEN
The only contact we could have with the void was through this little the void had produced as quinte...
ITALO CALVINO
Nicolas Cage is the best for taking the role of character Joker. He is pretty damn good at jokes!
DEYTH BANGER
We are hell different but vanity keeps us stuck.
PARUL WADHWA
Reach for the stars.
CHRISTA MCAULIFFE
Come senators, congressmen
Please heed the call
Don't stand in the doorway
Don't bloc...
BOB DYLAN
It's important in life if you don't give a shit. It can help you a lot.
GEORGE CARLIN
If you aren't in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?
T.S. ELIOT
The fear of God is the only cure for the fear of people.
CRAIG GROESCHEL
Even when apologising, this guy turns on the charm. And the worst thing is that it works.
She h...
GUILLAUME MUSSO
Oh, now, now, now, the only now, and above all now, and there is no other now but thou now and now i...
ERNEST HEMINGWAY
Do you know great people are continually quoted while the average always misquote great people?
ONYI ANYADO
If I have any desire at all, it is to show the brotherhood of man. This is a big statement and it so...
WILLIAM SAROYAN
The unfortunate thing is that, sometimes, we slip, but, fortunately, consciously or unconsciously, w...
ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH
The system of nature, of which man is a part, tends to be self-balancing, self-adjusting, self-clean...
E. F. SCHUMACHER
There were guns on the coffee table. Like, a lot of them, broken out on cloths, being cleaned, leane...
JIM BUTCHER
This was the lesson we kept learning over and over and over, the lesson our mother was best capable ...
CHRISTIE HODGEN
What is the Other?" they ask.
The Other is the one who taught me whatI should be like, but not ...
PAULO COELHO
The end of the world is a strange concept. The world is always ending, and the end is always being a...
NEIL GAIMAN
She said 'Over my dead body!' so I took her at her word.
DIANA WYNNE JONES
If you have the will to accumulate knowledge it has to be used in the way it was intended to be used...
GARY F EVANS...
Work thou not on energized equipment, for if thou dost, thy fellow workers will surely buy beers fo...
THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT FOR TECHNICIANS
The Doktor was an old man. When he was a kid, his Dad bought him a chemistry set. He never played wi...
CHRISTINA ENGELA
In a day and age where it seems like women want to be with unstable, psychotic, manipulative freaks;...
C. JOYBELL C.
Wherever a man may happen to turn, whatever a man may undertake, he will always end up by returning ...
GOETHE
God has prepared a path for everyone to follow.
PAULO COELHO
Don't you ever get the feeling that all your life is going by and you're not taking advantage of it?...
ERNEST HEMINGWAY
We Are All Infinite
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
You can't just sit there and put everyone's lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love. You ...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
There's nothing like the deep breathes after laughing that hard. Nothing in the world like a sore st...
STHEPHEN CHBOSKY
no more pencils, no more books, no more teachers' dirty looks, when the teacher rings the bell, drop...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
So I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them.
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
She wasn't bitter. She was sad, though. But it was a hopeful kind of sad. The kind of sad that just ...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
I saw other people there. Old men sitting alone. Young girls with blue eye shadow and awkward jaws. ...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
That one moment when you know you are not a sad story. You are ALIVE.
STEPHAN CHBOSKY
Somos quienes somos por un montón de razones.Quizás nunca conozcamos la mayoría de ellas.Pero aun...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
I know these will all be stories some day, and our pictures will become old photographs. We all beco...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY
I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if...
STEPHEN CHBOSKY

More Ambrose Bierce

You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Edible. Good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pi...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Consult. To seek another's approval of a course already decided on.
AMBROSE BIERCE
They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Deliberation. The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
AMBROSE BIERCE
PROPHECY, n. The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Admiration; is our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
AMBROSE BIERCE
An optimist is a proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Appeal. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Wit. The salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.
AMBROSE BIERCE
To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Consul. In American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is give...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscien...
AMBROSE BIERCE
The covers of this book are too far apart.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Senate is a body of old men charged with high duties and misdemeanors.
AMBROSE BIERCE
To be positive: to be mistaken at the top of one's voice.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Censor, n. An officer of certain governments, employed to supress the works of genius. Among the Rom...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Genealogy. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his o...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Woman absent is woman dead.
AMBROSE BIERCE
DIPLOMACY, n. Lying in state, or the patriotic art of lying for one's country.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Calamities are of two kinds. Misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
AMBROSE BIERCE
YANKEE, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the So...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Truth -- An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Projectile - n. the final arbiter in international disputes. Formerly these disputes were resolved b...
AMBROSE BIERCE
HOSPITALITY, n. The virtue which induces us to feed and lodge certain persons who are not in need of...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Bride, n. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Interpreter: One who enables two persons of different languages to understand each other by repeatin...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum -- I think I think, therefore, I think I am.
AMBROSE BIERCE
MISERICORDE, n. A dagger which in mediaeval warfare was used by the foot soldier to remind an unhor...
AMBROSE BIERCE
The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Amnesty, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Life - a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Education, n.: That which discloses the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understand...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
OCEAN, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man -- who has no gills.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It i...
AMBROSE BIERCE
MOLECULE, n. The ultimate, indivisible unit of matter. It is distinguished from the corpuscle, also ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
PIANO, n. A parlor utensil for subduing the impenitent visitor. It is operated by pressing the keys ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
CONSULT, v.i. To seek another's disapproval of a course already decided on.
AMBROSE BIERCE
BASILISK, n. The cockatrice. A sort of serpent hatched form the egg of a cock. The basilisk had a ba...
AMBROSE BIERCE
PASSPORT, n. A document treacherously inflicted upon a citizen going abroad, exposing him as an alie...
AMBROSE BIERCE
INADMISSIBLE, adj. Not competent to be considered. Said of certain kinds of testimony which juries a...
AMBROSE BIERCE
ROPE, n. An obsolescent appliance for reminding assassins that they too are mortal. It is put about ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
EDITOR, n. A person who combines the judicial functions of Minos, Rhadamanthus and Aeacus, but is pl...
AMBROSE BIERCE
REALISM, n. The art of depicting nature as it is seem by toads. The charm suffusing a landscape pain...
AMBROSE BIERCE
HURRICANE, n. An atmospheric demonstration once very common but now generally abandoned for the torn...
AMBROSE BIERCE
DEJEUNER, n. The breakfast of an American who has been in Paris. Variously pronounced.
AMBROSE BIERCE
COMMONWEALTH, n. An administrative entity operated by an incalculable multitude of political parasit...
AMBROSE BIERCE
but a combination of the stone wall, the political parasite and the moral instructor is no garden of...
AMBROSE BIERCE
GRACES, n. Three beautiful goddesses, Aglaia, Thalia and Euphrosyne, who attended upon Venus, servin...
AMBROSE BIERCE
YANKEE, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the Sout...
AMBROSE BIERCE
FREEDOM, n. Exemption from the stress of authority in a beggarly half dozen of restraint's infinite ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
HAND, n. A singular instrument worn at the end of the human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
X in our alphabet being a needless letter has an added invincibility to the attacks of the spelling ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Stanford Mansion is certainly the jewel of Sacramento, ... and we're adding it to the crown jewe...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Bacchus, n.: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Genealogy, n. An account of one's descent from a man who did not particularly care to trace his ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.
AMBROSE BIERCE
QUILL, n. An implement of torture yielded by a goose and commonly wielded by an ass. This use of the...
AMBROSE BIERCE
PIANO, n. A parlor utensil for subduing the impenitent visitor. It is operated by pressing the keys ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
HOMICIDE, n. The slaying of one human being by another. There are four kinds of homocide: felonious,...
AMBROSE BIERCE
PASSPORT, n. A document treacherously inflicted upon a citizen going abroad, exposing him as an alie...
AMBROSE BIERCE
LL.D. Letters indicating the degree _Legumptionorum Doctor_, one learned in laws, gifted with legal ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
ARENA, n. In politics, an imaginary rat-pit in which the statesman wrestles with his record.
AMBROSE BIERCE
GOUT, n. A physician's name for the rheumatism of a rich patient.
AMBROSE BIERCE
GRACES, n. Three beautiful goddesses, Aglaia, Thalia and Euphrosyne, who attended upon Venus, servin...
AMBROSE BIERCE
PROJECTILE, n. The final arbiter in international disputes. Formerly these disputes were settled by ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
YANKEE, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the Sout...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Christians and camels receive their burdens kneeling
AMBROSE BIERCE
PAST, n. That part of Eternity with some small fraction of which we have a slight and regrettable ac...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Battle, n., A method of untying with the teeth a political knot that would not yield to the tongue.
AMBROSE BIERCE
GNOME, n. In North-European mythology, a dwarfish imp inhabiting the interior parts of the earth and...
AMBROSE BIERCE
CLARIONET, n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two i...
AMBROSE BIERCE
MERCHANT, n. One engaged in a commercial pursuit. A commercial pursuit is one in which the thing pur...
AMBROSE BIERCE
BOUNTY, n. The liberality of one who has much, in permitting one who has nothing to get all that he ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by ruler...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Love is a temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences un...
AMBROSE BIERCE
PRUDE, n. A bawd hiding behind the back of her demeanor.
AMBROSE BIERCE
FLESH, n. The Second Person of the secular Trinity.
AMBROSE BIERCE
TRINITY, n. In the multiplex theism of certain Christian churches, three entirely distinct deities c...
AMBROSE BIERCE
SAINT, n. A dead sinner revised and edited.
AMBROSE BIERCE
JUSTICE, n. A commodity which is a more or less adulterated condition the State sells to the citizen...
AMBROSE BIERCE
DOG: A kind of additional or subsidiary Diety designed to catch the overflow or surplus of the world...
AMBROSE BIERCE
PLUNDER, v. To take the property of another without observing the decent and customary reticences of...
AMBROSE BIERCE
RECONCILIATION, n. A suspension of hostilities. An armed truce for the purpose of digging up the dea...
AMBROSE BIERCE
HASH, x. There is no definition for this word --nobody knows what hash is.
AMBROSE BIERCE
HEMP, n. A plant from whose fibrous bark is made an article of neckwear which is frequently put on a...
AMBROSE BIERCE
BATTLE, n. A method of untying with the teeth of a political knot that would not yield to the tongue...
AMBROSE BIERCE
HEARSE, n. Death's baby-carriage.
AMBROSE BIERCE
HERMIT, n. A person whose vices and follies are not sociable.
AMBROSE BIERCE
HAND, n. A singular instrument worn at the end of the human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
History is an account mostly false, of events mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers,...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity.
AMBROSE BIERCE
There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don't know
AMBROSE BIERCE
X in our alphabet being a needless letter has an added invincibility to the attacks of the spelling ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
AMNESTY, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.
AMBROSE BIERCE
DOG, n. A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the w...
AMBROSE BIERCE
REPUBLIC, n. A nation in which, the thing governing and the thing governed being the same, there is ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
DELUSION, n. The father of a most respectable family, comprising Enthusiasm, Affection, Self-denial,...
AMBROSE BIERCE
MAGNET, n. Something acted upon by magnetism.
AMBROSE BIERCE
RECREATION, n. A particular kind of dejection to relieve a general fatigue.
AMBROSE BIERCE
PLOW, n. An implement that cries aloud for hands accustomed to the pen.
AMBROSE BIERCE
His act was rather that of a harmless lunatic than an enemy. We were not so new to the country as no...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Apologize: To lay the foundation for a future offence.
AMBROSE BIERCE
HEATHEN, n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something that he can see and feel. Ac...
AMBROSE BIERCE
MAUSOLEUM, n. The final and funniest folly of the rich.
AMBROSE BIERCE
INTIMACY, n. A relation into which fools are providentially drawn for their mutual destruction.Two S...
AMBROSE BIERCE
WORMS'-MEAT, n. The finished product of which we are the raw material.
AMBROSE BIERCE
KILL, v.t. To create a vacancy without nominating a successor.
AMBROSE BIERCE
EMANCIPATION, n. A bondman's change from the tyranny of another to the despotism of himself.He was a...
AMBROSE BIERCE
EPIGRAM, n. A short, sharp saying in prose or verse, frequently characterize by acidity or acerbity ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, M...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Mythology: the body of a primitive people's beliefs, concerning its origin, early history, heroes, d...
AMBROSE BIERCE
KISS, n. A word invented by the poets as a rhyme for ""bliss."" It is supposed to signify, in a gene...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Politics is the conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
AMBROSE BIERCE
SACERDOTALIST, n. One who holds the belief that a clergyman is a priest. Denial of this momentous do...
AMBROSE BIERCE
A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Patience is a minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.
AMBROSE BIERCE
FIDDLE, n. An instrument to tickle human ears by friction of a horse's tail on the entrails of a cat...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Patriotism is as fierce as a fever, pitiless as the grave, blind as a stone, and irrational as a hea...
AMBROSE BIERCE
SATIRE, n. An obsolete kind of literary composition in which the vices and follies of the author's e...
AMBROSE BIERCE
RIGHT, n. Legitimate authority to be, to do or to have; as the right to be a king, the right to do o...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Magpie, n.: A bird whose thievish disposition suggested to someone that it might be taught to talk.
AMBROSE BIERCE
CANNON, n. An instrument employed in the rectification of national boundaries.
AMBROSE BIERCE
APRIL FOOL, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.
AMBROSE BIERCE
OPERA, n. A play representing life in another world, whose inhabitants have no speech but song, no m...
AMBROSE BIERCE
LYRE, n. An ancient instrument of torture. The word is now used in a figurative sense to denote the ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
CROSS, n. An ancient religious symbol erroneously supposed to owe its significance to the most solem...
AMBROSE BIERCE
CARNIVOROUS, adj. Addicted to the cruelty of devouring the timorous vegetarian, his heirs and assign...
AMBROSE BIERCE
BRANDY, n. A cordial composed of one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
REAR, n. In American military matters, that exposed part of the army that is nearest to Congress.
AMBROSE BIERCE
ABATIS, n. Rubbish in front of a fort, to prevent the rubbish outside from molesting the rubbish ins...
AMBROSE BIERCE
MULATTO, n. A child of two races, ashamed of both.
AMBROSE BIERCE
PEDESTRIAN, n. The variable (an audible) part of the roadway for an automobile.
AMBROSE BIERCE
REQUIEM, n. A mass for the dead which the minor poets assure us the winds sing o'er the graves of th...
AMBROSE BIERCE
CREDITOR, n. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their d...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Incompatibility: In matrimony, a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Absence blots people out. We really have no absent friends.
AMBROSE BIERCE
ALLAH, n. The Mahometan Supreme Being, as distinguished from the Christian, Jewish, and so forth.All...
AMBROSE BIERCE
VIRTUES, n.pl. Certain abstentions.
AMBROSE BIERCE
SCARABAEUS, n. The sacred beetle of the ancient Egyptians, allied to our familiar "tumble-bug." It w...
AMBROSE BIERCE
IDLENESS, n. A model farm where the devil experiments with seeds of new sins and promotes the growth...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Heathen, n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something he can see and feel.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Convent - a place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.
AMBROSE BIERCE
LOW-BRED, adj. "Raised" instead of brought up.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Historian - a broad-gauge gossip.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.
AMBROSE BIERCE
DAWN, n. The time when men of reason go to bed. Certain old men prefer to rise at about that time, t...
AMBROSE BIERCE
In this world one must have a name; it prevents confusion, even when it does not establish identity....
AMBROSE BIERCE
WRATH, n. Anger of a superior quality and degree, appropriate to exalted characters and momentous oc...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Fidelity - a virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
AMBROSE BIERCE
RECREATION, n. A particular kind of dejection to relieve a general fatigue.
AMBROSE BIERCE
FUNERAL, n. A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and s...
AMBROSE BIERCE
... the instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his coun...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Insurance - an ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfort...
AMBROSE BIERCE
The small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify we give the name of knowledge.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking th...
AMBROSE BIERCE
The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Acquaintance: a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly un...
AMBROSE BIERCE
To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result.
AMBROSE BIERCE
A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man, who has no gills.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Politeness -- The most acceptable hypocrisy.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Laughter -- An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarti...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Alien. An American sovereign in his probationary state.
AMBROSE BIERCE
An account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly k...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Historian. A broad -- gauge gossip.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Mis...
AMBROSE BIERCE
A funeral is a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker.
AMBROSE BIERCE
An egotist is a person interested in himself than in me!
AMBROSE BIERCE
Abscond. To move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their deso...
AMBROSE BIERCE
A cynic is a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, and not as they ought to be.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Alliance. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserte...
AMBROSE BIERCE
A coward is one who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
AMBROSE BIERCE