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Go through your phone book, call people and ask them to drive you to the airport. The ones who will drive you are your true friends. The rest aren't bad people; they're just acquaintances.


Jay Leno

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JAY LENO
Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember th...
JAY LENO
We have an important decision to make now about who controls Iraq. You know, that's a critical quest...
JAY LENO
The Bush administration said today there is a lot of support for us to attack Iraq. Exxon, Mobil, Te...
JAY LENO
Tonight
JAY LENO
He didn't want to sell it, but since he's off steroids he can only wear it as a bracelet now.
JAY LENO
Man, what is it down to, just a couple of voters?
JAY LENO
Democrats have been complaining that President Bush has spent more than 21 percent of his time in of...
JAY LENO
If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology
JAY LENO
I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good?Maybe you're ...
JAY LENO
The University of Ilinois has hired 15 women to smell pig manure all day so that researchers can fin...
JAY LENO
On Monday, President Bush will reach his 100th day in office. It's a big milestone for him, surpasse...
JAY LENO
Saddam Hussein also challenged President Bush to a debate. The Butcher of Baghdad vs. the Butcher of...
JAY LENO
The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' ...
JAY LENO
With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides,
flooding, severe thunderstorms tea...
JAY LENO
My stockbroker asked me something important today: paper or plastic?
JAY LENO
I believe this is a governor who is a libertarian,
MARK LENO
He cannot veto the bill until it gets to his desk, ... It may not get there for a couple more weeks ...
MARK LENO
Society is strongest when it upholds the basic civil rights of all its citizens, including the right...
MARK LENO
We think it'll be tomorrow or Thursday, ... We want to make sure we have a full house of Democrats, ...
MARK LENO
It's unfortunate for the Republicans to say if we don't see it their way, we're soft on crime or sup...
MARK LENO
No legislative body has ever passed such a measure. It would be historic,
MARK LENO
They are considered no different than married couples with regards to responsibility for children,
MARK LENO
He cannot claim to support fair and equal legal protections for same-sex couples, ... and veto the v...
MARK LENO
The Legislature has done the hard work of picking up the issue of the day, holding public hearings, ...
MARK LENO
It would be highly unusual and a direct insult to the proponents of this bill and the many millions ...
MARK LENO
Society is strongest when it upholds the basic civil rights of all its citizens, including the right...
MARK LENO
Today represents another milestone toward the fulfillment of the American dream for thousands of les...
MARK LENO
Do what we know is in our hearts, ... Make sure all California families will have the same protectio...
MARK LENO
It's a significant accomplishment. It was a thing of beauty,
MARK LENO
I trust that my colleagues are searching their hearts and reading the constitution as they decide th...
MARK LENO
We are so very close, ... It would be very disappointing for this body not to be able to stand up fo...
MARK LENO
I think there's a better way to approach many of these issues,
MARK LENO
No. 1, the crime would not have occurred. And the brutality would not have been (as bad) as it was. ...
MARK LENO
Mexico helped me a whole lot. That is good baseball over there and it was a big part of my growth as...
LENO RIVERA
We're an American Legion post, so we're emphasizing the red, white and blue. But we're also using la...
MARK LENO
Allowing same-sex couples to access one another's health care plans, make joint medical decisions, i...
MARK LENO
Margita Thompson has said all kinds of things in the past that have proven not to be true, ... I wil...
MARK LENO