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I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons.


Ogden Nash

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The concept was no good. You had so many things going wrong. Theresa, you're fired.
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How many rough blows had she suffered? How many times had she been an unwilling step for the selfish...
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I felt that there were so many people doing it that I would just be like one of the others.
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Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.
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Some people's money is merited/ And other people's is inherited.
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Do you think my mind is maturing late, or simply rotted early?
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Candy, is dandy, but Liquor, is quicker.
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And one of his partners asked Has he vertigo? and the other glanced out and down and said Oh no, onl...
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O misery, misery, mumble and moan!
Someone invented the telephone,
And interrupted a nation's ...
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Progress might have been all right once, but it has gone on too long.
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People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.
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Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone e...
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Progress might have been all right once but it has gone on too long.
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Too clever is dumb.
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The cow is of the bovine ilk; one end is moo, the other milk.
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Sleep is perverse as human nature, Sleep is perverse as a legislature, Sleep is as forward as hives ...
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Some tortures are physical and some are mental, but the one that's both is dental.
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One would be in less danger from the wiles of the stranger If one's own kin and kith were more fun t...
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A man is quite dishonorable to sell himself, For anything other than quite a lot of pelf
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Which the Chicken and Which the Egg?

He drinks because she scolds, he thinks;
She th...
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Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who neve...
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Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someo...
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I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, Were it not for making a living, which is r...
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Professional men, they have no cares; whatever happens, they get theirs.
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Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.
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Man is a victim of dope in the incurable form of hope.
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A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
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I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it.
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They take the paper and they read the headlines. So they've heard of unemployment and they've heard ...
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Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals?
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Your hair may be brushed, but your mind's untidy. You've had about seven hours of sleep since Friday...
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Indoors or out, no one relaxes
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The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks
Which practically conceal its sex.
I think it clever of t...
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Bankers are just like anybody else, except richer
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He who has never tasted jail Lives well within the legal pale, While he who's served a heavy sentenc...
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Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore,
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OGDEN NASH
He without benefit of scruples
His fun and money soon quadruples.
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Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind.
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Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long.
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Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you set about retiring them
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Daybreak is one of the greatest disadvantages of living under the solar system: It means having to g...
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The Pig, if I am not mistaken,
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Let others say his heart...
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Children aren't happy without something to ignore, And that's what parents were created for.
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The Preacher, the Politicain, the Teacher,
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Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you set about retiring them.
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The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat.
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I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I&...
OGDEN NASH
There are people who are very resourceful, at being remorseful, and who apparently feel that the bes...
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You can take it as understood That your luck changes only if it's good.
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Never befriend the oppressed unless you are prepared to take on the oppressor.
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The further through life I drift the more obvious it becomes that I am lacking in thrift.
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One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence
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There is only one thing for a man to do who is married to a woman who enjoys spending money, and tha...
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If you are really Master of your Fate, it shouldn't make any difference to you whether Cleopatra or ...
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Middle age ends and senescence begins, The day your descendants outnumber your friends
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The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks Which practically conceal its sex. I think it clever of the tur...
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They take the paper and they read the headlines, so they've heard of unemployment and they've heard ...
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If you don't want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work
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Now, anybody whom a German hates, He presently exterminates, But he who exterminates a French Is nev...
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You scour the Bowery, ransack the Bronx,/ Through funeral parlors and honky-tonks./ From river to ri...
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Were it not for frustration and humiliation
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And one of his partners asked ''Has he vertigo?'' and the other glanced out and down and said ''Oh n...
OGDEN NASH
either you get eaten by a wolf today or else the shepherd saves you from the wolf so he can sell you...
OGDEN NASH
Some pains are physical, and some pains are mental, but the one that's both is dental.
OGDEN NASH
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OGDEN NASH
I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers.
OGDEN NASH
Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.
OGDEN NASH
No matter how deep and dark your pit, how dank your shroud, their heads are heroically unbloody and ...
OGDEN NASH
A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the co...
OGDEN NASH
I think that I shall never see
a billboard lovely as a tree.
Perhaps, unless the billboards fa...
OGDEN NASH
Some primal termite knocked on wood;
and tasted it, and found it good.
That is why your Cousin...
OGDEN NASH
How easy for those who do not bulge to not overindulge!
OGDEN NASH
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
OGDEN NASH
The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin and grin.
OGDEN NASH
Nobody agrees with anybody else anyhow, but adults conceal it and infants show it
OGDEN NASH
I think that I shall never see
a billboard lovely as a tree.
Perhaps, unless the billboard...
OGDEN NASH
The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control.
OGDEN NASH
Candy
Is dandy
But liquor
Is quicker.
OGDEN NASH
He without benefit of scruples His fun and money soon quadruples.
OGDEN NASH
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never fo...
OGDEN NASH
To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Wh...
OGDEN NASH
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
OGDEN NASH
No, you never get any fun out of the things you haven't done.
OGDEN NASH
Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you ho...
OGDEN NASH
Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate ...
OGDEN NASH
They take the paper and they read the headlines, So they've heard of unemployment and they've heard ...
OGDEN NASH
I don't mind their having a lot of money, and I don't care how they employ it, but I do think that t...
OGDEN NASH
To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whene...
OGDEN NASH
Whether elected or appointed he considers himself the Lord's anointed, and indeed the ointment linge...
OGDEN NASH
Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals?
OGDEN NASH
Basketball, a game which won't be fit for people until they set the basket umbilicus-high and return...
OGDEN NASH
Basketball, a game which won't be fit for people until they set the basket umbilicus-high and return...
OGDEN NASH
Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind, But it is very difficult to treat because it cannot even...
OGDEN NASH
Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave, when they think their children are naïve.
OGDEN NASH
Do you think my mind is maturing late,Or simply rotted early?
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Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.
OGDEN NASH
People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they ...
OGDEN NASH
There are people who are very resourceful, at being remorseful, and who apparently feel that the bes...
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Candy Is dandy, But liquor Is quicker
OGDEN NASH
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence
OGDEN NASH
If called by a panther,/ don't anther.
OGDEN NASH
Purity is obscurity.
OGDEN NASH
Every Englishman is convinced of one thing, viz.: That to be an Englishman is to belong to the most ...
OGDEN NASH
Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore,
And that's what parents were created for.
OGDEN NASH
At least when I get on the Boston train I have a good chance of landing in the South Station
An...
OGDEN NASH
I use many props. The props act as cue cards reminding me of what to say next.
TOM OGDEN
America has run the world for at least the past 50 years, and when you're at the top that long, you ...
FRANK OGDEN
It'll be no picnic. We're going to have to shoot the ball better or it's going to be a long afternoo...
BUD OGDEN
How quickly the gun was pulled, it didn't seem like there was rational thinking there so that's what...
AMANDA OGDEN
We've seen an increase in obesity in men and we've seen an increase in overweight in both boys and g...
CYNTHIA OGDEN
I was particularly concerned about seeing the increase in children, because we know that children wh...
CYNTHIA OGDEN
Our dog kind of got a little jumpy ... and the dogs went to kind of say hello and he swung his stick...
AMANDA OGDEN
Don't mark up the Library's copy, you fool! Librarians are Unprankable. They'll track you down! They...
CHARLES OGDEN
I would say some people change drivers one or two times a year.
CLAY OGDEN
I don't know what it is about the second round, but we just seem to step it up. The second round is ...
CLAY OGDEN
I was surprised that we could see an upward trend in such a short time among overweight children and...
CYNTHIA OGDEN
It looks like it's leveling off. We'll need more data over the next few years to know for sure, but ...
CYNTHIA OGDEN
I didn't know if we would be able to detect an increase and I was surprised that we did. It's a conc...
CYNTHIA OGDEN
There's definitely a growing gap between African-American culture and baseball. The doors Jackie Rob...
DAVID OGDEN
The resolution of these issues ensures that this evidence of one of the most tragic events in Americ...
DAVID OGDEN
Basically, men are catching up to women.
CYNTHIA OGDEN
If the dam were to fail, it definitely would pose a threat to the people in the downstream areas. Th...
MARK OGDEN
We couldn't have written an ending to this rivalry better. From our perspective, we snatched a victo...
BUD OGDEN
I was particularly concerned about seeing the increase in children, because we know that children wh...
CYNTHIA OGDEN
He's a legend. He deserves respect.
CLAY OGDEN
The guy can just roll the rock. The putt he made on 17 was something. The way he has it going right ...
CLAY OGDEN
(Handy) is just about the only player we can depend upon to individually create shots and make it.
BUD OGDEN
It was amazing. I grew up watching him play, and now to get to witness it first hand was incredible....
CLAY OGDEN
It looks like it's leveling off.
CYNTHIA OGDEN
Today's decision by the arbitration panel secures the original Zapruder film for the public and guar...
DAVID OGDEN
We've been soliciting donations online for several years. And we've seen a steady increase in online...
KAREN OGDEN
He's kind of unique. I expect big things out of him.
BUD OGDEN
I'll be disappointed if we don't do well in league. I want to leave it broad like that.
BUD OGDEN
We did what we had to do to win. We got rebounds when we had to and got to loose balls. Players step...
BUD OGDEN
About 17 percent of children are overweight and about a third of adults are obese.
CYNTHIA OGDEN
Given the Court of Appeals decision, this is a fair resolution for the American taxpayer.
DAVID OGDEN
Given the Court of Appeals decision, this is a fair resolution for the American taxpayer.
DAVID OGDEN
There's good news and bad news. We're definitely nowhere near being out of the woods.
CYNTHIA OGDEN
They were on a roll. There was definitely a momentum switch at the tail end of the game.
BUD OGDEN
He worked as hard as any other pilot, and his stick and throttle are above most others.
CLAY OGDEN
It's during childhood that our patterns often are set. Overweight adolescents often become obese adu...
CYNTHIA OGDEN
It does look good for women. Obesity may be stabilizing.
CYNTHIA OGDEN
We are looking at possible future layoffs.
DAVID OGDEN
The guy can just roll the rock, period. The way he has it going right now - he's looking the way he ...
CLAY OGDEN
The guy can just roll the rock, period.
CLAY OGDEN
With the completion of these repairs and a properly functioning drainage system, we are confident th...
MARK OGDEN
We've addressed that situation on a short-term basis, and we're going to continue to monitor it and ...
MARK OGDEN
Once I have heard the story or joke used twice by other speakers or entertainer, I avoid it.
TOM OGDEN
He was still a huge question mark. It wasn't until he started (with WVBC) that he had the time and t...
BUD OGDEN
About 17 percent of children are overweight and about a third of adults are obese.
CYNTHIA OGDEN
He had pulled a gun and said, excuse my language here, but said, 'I'll (expletive) shoot her, I'll (...
AMANDA OGDEN
Cab drivers are living proof that practice does not make perfect
HOWARD OGDEN
I was kind of joking and I actually said that I hoped I play her. And here we go.
CLAY OGDEN