Billy Connolly quote: "I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don't want to say I don't believe in God, but I don't think I do. But I believe in people who do."

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?
BILLY CONNOLLY

I think that you'll find that Billy Connolly is British.
BILLY CONNOLLY

There's nothing like it, but it's not as good as you think it's going to be. . . . I was disappointe...
BILLY CONNOLLY

American sex shops are the most bizarre. They sell these inflatable dolls, but they also sell just t...
BILLY CONNOLLY

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.
BILLY CONNOLLY

It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he's telling t...
BILLY CONNOLLY

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?
BILLY CONNOLLY

The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the st...
BILLY CONNOLLY

I¹m much bigger in Britain than I am there. I'm well-known, but my name's That Guy in America. . . ...
BILLY CONNOLLY

When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why would you keep looking a...
BILLY CONNOLLY

Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.
BILLY CONNOLLY

I'm famous for my bottom dances, but you'll only see my bum and willy if you raise a million pounds ...
BILLY CONNOLLY

I'm very big in Australia, New Zealand, Britain, Canada and America. It's nice. I have a lovely life...
BILLY CONNOLLY

ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢Â‚Â¬Ã…Â“So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a ...
BILLY CONNOLLY

Roses are red,Violets are blue,I'm a schizophrenic,and so am I.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
BILLY CONNOLLY

I'm a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world's a wonderful. I just think that s...
BILLY CONNOLLY

Do you remember that politician who died with the fishnet tights and all that? Aw, his poor family. ...
BILLY CONNOLLY

outgrew the media ... The negativity felt like a disease.
BILLY CONNOLLY

I'm sure everyone in this room has been told a joke about that subject. I have many times and I've l...
BILLY CONNOLLY

Don't tell me how to do my job. I don't come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.
BILLY CONNOLLY

“So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?”
BILLY CONNOLLY

He's a millionaire yet every few seconds had to go 'f***'. What is he trying to prove? Is he trying ...
BILLY CONNOLLY

I don't understand art-speak. My pictures are big doodles. I'm amazed what people come up wi...
BILLY CONNOLLY

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
BILLY CONNOLLY

It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he's telling them ...
BILLY CONNOLLY

I don't believe in angels, no. . . . But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you...
BILLY CONNOLLY

I'd always been scared of people with tertiary education and high intellects in case they found me w...
BILLY CONNOLLY

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever becoming one.”
"Don't vote. I...
BILLY CONNOLLY

My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
BILLY CONNOLLY

The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, w...
BILLY CONNOLLY

Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?
BILLY CONNOLLY

I've always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but yo...
BILLY CONNOLLY

Once you become successful, people know where you live, the type of house you live in, the kind of c...
BILLY CONNOLLY

You'll end up with your arse between your shoulder blades (On morphine Suppositorys)
BILLY CONNOLLY

I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it m...
BILLY CONNOLLY

The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterw...
BILLY CONNOLLY

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?
BILLY CONNOLLY

I'm a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world's a wonderful. I just think that some peop...
BILLY CONNOLLY

What always staggers me is that when people blow their noses, they always look into their hankies to...
BILLY CONNOLLY

I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the...
BILLY CONNOLLY

I don't know why I should have to learn Algebra... I'm never likely to go there.
BILLY CONNOLLY

I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.
BILLY CONNOLLY

I've always liked it here. Part of me is Irish. . . . My family comes from the west coast, so whenev...
BILLY CONNOLLY

I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and y...
BILLY CONNOLLY

I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagi...
BILLY CONNOLLY

I loathe hecklers. I haven't got a good syllable to say. When you come out of the club circuit a...
BILLY CONNOLLY

Heckling is an act of cowardice. If you want to speak, get up in front of the microphone and speak, ...
BILLY CONNOLLY

I don't know why I should have to learn Algebra... I'm never likely to go there.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Behind the proscenium arch, you can't always hear what people in the audience are saying.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.
BILLY CONNOLLY

I like Dali and Magritte. I also like the Scottish artist John Byrne, another surrealist.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I'm a schizophrenic,
and so am I.
BILLY CONNOLLY

But still, I kept thinking, if I'm still troubled by this, if I'm still carrying it around like a bi...
BILLY CONNOLLY

For years I thought the club's name was Partick Thistle Nil.
BILLY CONNOLLY

I don't have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I've done okay...
BILLY CONNOLLY

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thin...
BILLY CONNOLLY

I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it w...
BILLY CONNOLLY

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
BILLY CONNOLLY

You'll end up with your arse between your shoulder blades (On morphine Suppositorys)
BILLY CONNOLLY

The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the sam...
BILLY CONNOLLY

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
BILLY CONNOLLY

I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don't want to say I...
BILLY CONNOLLY

There's a difference between living and just surviving. Do something you love, and find someone to l...
JOHN CONNOLLY

When did you get so clever?"
"When I realized I wasn't as clever as I thought.
JOHN CONNOLLY

The past is the only dead thing that smells sweet.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

The more books we read, the clearer it becomes that the true function of a writer is to produce a ma...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

When young we are faithful to individuals, when older we grow loyal to situations and to types.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

The artist is a member of the leisured classes who cannot pay for his leisure.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Never would it occur to a child that a sheep, a pig, a cow or a chicken was good to eat, while, like...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Civilization is maintained by a very few people in a small number of places and we need only some bo...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Classical and romantic: private language of a family quarrel, a dead dispute over the distribution o...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

The English masses are lovable: they are kind, decent, tolerant, practical and not stupid. The trage...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

A mistake which is commonly made about neurotics is to suppose that they are interesting. It is not ...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Greed, like the love of comfort, is a kind of fear.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

It is a mistake to expect good work from expatriates for it is not what they do that matters but wha...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Civilization is an active deposit which is formed by the combustion of the present with the past. Ne...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Literature is the art of writing something that will be read twice; journalism what will be grasped ...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

All charming people have something to conceal, usually their total dependence on the appreciation ...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

A lazy person, whatever the talents with which he starts out, have condemned himself to second-rate ...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

There are many who dare not kill themselves for fear of what the neighbours will say.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Nowadays, if you have a mustache, people look at you like you're crazy. But when I was growing u...
KEVIN CONNOLLY

All charming people have something to conceal, usually their total dependence on the appreciation of...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Slums may well be breeding grounds of crime, but middle class suburbs are incubators of apathy and d...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

After all this time, he had hope, and then hope was gone, and he hates himself for giving in to hope...
JOHN CONNOLLY

Most criminals were dumb, and he took the view that the whole science of criminology was essentially...
JOHN CONNOLLY

My favorite personal hockey moment was probably when Mike Bossy scored fifty goals in fifty games. H...
KEVIN CONNOLLY

Questions focus our thinking. Ask empowering questions like: What's good about this? What's not perf...
CHARLES CONNOLLY

No book is really a fixed object. Every reader reads a book differently, and each book works in a di...
JOHN CONNOLLY

Hate is the consequence of fear; we fear something before we hate it; a child who fears noises becom...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Slums may well be breeding grounds of crime, but middle-class suburbs are incubators of apathy and d...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Most people do not believe in anything very much and our greatest poetry is given to us by those who...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

This life is filled with threats and danger, David. We face those that we have to face, and there wi...
JOHN CONNOLLY

Stories wanted to be read, David's mother would whisper. They needed it. It was the reason th...
JOHN CONNOLLY

I mean, he's a pharmacy technician and we won't turn our backs to prosecuting this case just because...
CHRIS CONNOLLY

This demand made a voluntary settlement impossible because after three years of negotiations on this...
PATRICK CONNOLLY

Jeremy Paul has played quite well, but he has been injured a lot this year. He'll be out for another...
JOHN CONNOLLY

It's not something we've gone out of our way to do this time, but if it can happen, great.
CHRIS CONNOLLY

Graham hyper-extended his knee and it has ended up a bit sore. There is no structural damage but we ...
CHRIS CONNOLLY

We'll definitely look to have a public training session of some description and, while it's too earl...
JOHN CONNOLLY

A lot of people think of Omaha as being out in the middle of nowhere and being a flat desert. That's...
DAN CONNOLLY

[Connolly said that the current plan is to start off with two lunar missions per year. That frequenc...
JOHN CONNOLLY

When we have ceased to love the stench of the human animal, either in others or in ourselves, then a...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

A lot of auditions are not fun; they're just a necessary evil, and, if you're lucky, you hav...
KRISTEN CONNOLLY

There's more high technology here than many people realize.
DAN CONNOLLY

Earle had friendly written all over him the way that a plague rat had "Hug Me" emblazoned on its fur...
JOHN CONNOLLY

The Moody's action was not totally unexpected given their stated view of the industry. It will have ...
EILEEN CONNOLLY

All of the guys are capable of beating me. If I wrestle up to my potential, I am capable of beating ...
DAVE CONNOLLY

I think we get a lot of the younger fan base and it's not too many people out there that get the opp...
DAVE CONNOLLY

And there is no doubt our forward effort was not what we would have liked it to have been, and they ...
JOHN CONNOLLY

Drowning men will drag you down if you let them. Sometimes, to survive, you have to let them sink.
JOHN CONNOLLY

The bulk of the increase is due to salaries and benefits. But utility costs have become a major fact...
FRANK CONNOLLY

The focus is on lobbying to get the formula (for reimbursement) fully funded.
FRANK CONNOLLY

Nasdaq is voting with their capital.
JAMES CONNOLLY

David's mother would often tell him stories were alive. They weren't alive in the way people were al...
JOHN CONNOLLY

We all have our routines," he said softly."But they must have a purpose and provide an outcome that ...
JOHN CONNOLLY

My feelings for Raphael are mine, and mine alone. I loved him, and that is all anyone needs to know....
JOHN CONNOLLY

Stories come alive in the telling. Without a human voice to read them aloud, or a pair of wide eyes ...
JOHN CONNOLLY

He had quite liked the dwarfs. He often had no idea what they were talking about, but for a group of...
JOHN CONNOLLY

Each man dreams his own heaven.
JOHN CONNOLLY

It's really no different, I respect every girl out here just as much if they were a senior. I don't ...
JENNIFER CONNOLLY

We had no communication whatsoever. We were trying but no words were coming one. Our stats were grea...
JENNIFER CONNOLLY

What [Version 1.4] does is it provides a layer of consistency and simplifies how people are going to...
SHAUN CONNOLLY

We're definitely doing another one. We just have to sell this one first.
LINDA CONNOLLY

Whom the gods wish to destroy they first call promising.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Our memories are card indexes consulted and then returned in disorder by authorities whom we do not ...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Were I to deduce any system from my feelings on leaving Eton, it might be called The Theory of Perma...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

The only happy talkers are dandies who extract pleasure from the very perishability of their materia...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

When writers meet they are truculent, indifferent, or over-polite. Then comes the inevitable moment....
CYRIL CONNOLLY

I shall christen this style the Mandarin, since it is beloved by literary pundits. It is the style ...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

As repressed sadists are supposed to become policemen or butchers so those with an irrational fear o...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

The reward of art is not fame or success but intoxication: that is why so many bad artists are unabl...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Those of us who were brought up as Christians and have lost our faith have retained the sense of sin...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

We are all serving a life sentence in the dungeon of the self.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

We must select the Illusion which appeals to our temperament and embrace it with passion, if we want...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Imprisoned in every fat man, a thin one is wildly signaling to be let out.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

The goal of every culture is to decay through over-civilization; the factors of decadence, -- luxury...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

The civilized are those who get more out of life than the uncivilized, and for this we are not likel...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

The person who is master of their passions is reason's slave.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

The friendships which last are those wherein each friend respects the other's dignity to the point o...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Our memories are card indexes consulted, and then put back in disorder by authorities whom we do not...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

No one over thirty-five is worth meeting who has not something to teach us, --something more than we...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

We love but once, for once only are we perfectly equipped for loving.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Life is a maze in which we take the wrong turn before we have learnt to walk.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

The dread of lonliness is greater than the fear of bondage, so we get married.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

It’s odd, but people are capable of forgetting quite extraordinary occurrences very quickly if it ...
JOHN CONNOLLY

It is one thing to be brave in front of others, perhaps for fear of being branded a coward and becom...
JOHN CONNOLLY

Wickedness never rests easily so, in a way, one might almost feel pity for the wicked, for they are ...
JOHN CONNOLLY

You've just inherited rudeness. We've had to work at it.
JOHN CONNOLLY

(To those who are themselves unhappy, the contentment of others can sometimes be mistaken for tedium...
JOHN CONNOLLY

By law, we have to keep it at $68 million, and I for one won't go over the $68 million.
ANGELA CONNOLLY

A life based on reason will always require to be balanced by an occasional bout of violent and irrat...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

It is the fear of middle-age in the young, of old-age in the middle-aged, which is the prime cause o...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

We got to push the melodic side of it just as far, if not farther, then we've ever pushed it before....
JOHN CONNOLLY

It was human nature. You didn't give everything away; if you did, you would have nothing left.
...
JOHN CONNOLLY

There is immunity in reading, immunity in formal society, in office routine, in the company of old f...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

If our elaborate and dominating bodies are given us to be denied at every turn, if our nature is alw...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

There is no more somber enemy of good art than the pram in the hall
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Idleness is only a coarse name for my infinite capacity for living in the present.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Art is an absolute mistress; she will not be coquetted with or slighted; she requires the most entir...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

A woman's desire for revenge outlasts all her other emotions
CYRIL CONNOLLY

The secret of success is to be in harmony with existence, to be always calm to let each wave of life...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

We are all serving a life-sentence in the dungeon of self
CYRIL CONNOLLY

We'll definitely look to have a public training session of some description and while it's too early...
JOHN CONNOLLY

Fallen leaves lying on the grass in the November sun bring more happiness than the daffodils
CYRIL CONNOLLY

We have no where to go but up.
DAVE CONNOLLY

I went to Yale's drama school for theater, so we did tons of Shakespeare; then, I got out of sch...
KRISTEN CONNOLLY

I dream dark dreams.

I dream of a figure moving through the forest, of children flying f...
JOHN CONNOLLY

There is no way to predict an outbreak [of pandemic flu] and this is why proper planning is importan...
GERRY CONNOLLY

Know a man by his metaphors.
JOHN CONNOLLY

What do you believe in?’ asked David.
‘I believe in those whom I love and trust. All else i...
JOHN CONNOLLY

Can I ever come back here' he asked, and the Woodsman said something very strange in reply.
'Mo...
JOHN CONNOLLY

I believe in those whom I love and trust. All else is foolishness. This god is as empty as his churc...
JOHN CONNOLLY

If you remove the English Army tomorrow and hoist the green flag over Dublin Castle., unless you set...
JAMES CONNOLLY

When questions of ‘class’ interests are eliminated from public controversy a victory is thereby ...
JAMES CONNOLLY

The man who is master of his passions is reason's slave
CYRIL CONNOLLY

'Entourage' is almost required watching in L.A., and everyone seems to have story suggestion...
KEVIN CONNOLLY

I got no entourage in real life. Solo. I go solo. No entourage.
KEVIN CONNOLLY

Being shot at for years by men of a particular nationality will tend to impact negatively upon one�...
JOHN CONNOLLY

I'm proud of where I'm from. I'm proud of Long Island.
KEVIN CONNOLLY

It would be well to realize that the talk of ‘humane methods of warfare’, of the ‘rules of civ...
JAMES CONNOLLY

I think he'll go very well in rugby, I think he'll be sensational in rugby and he'll have a great fu...
JOHN CONNOLLY

Girls were talking about how they didn't feel trusted out there. We've been building that trust sinc...
JENNIFER CONNOLLY

We had so many errors serving tonight. We had a tough time battling back. Freedom gave us free ball ...
JENNIFER CONNOLLY

It is only in the country that we can get to know a person or a book.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

No matter how hard Evil tries, it can never quite match up to the power of Good, because Evil is ult...
JOHN CONNOLLY

I've always thought the expression 'passion project' was kind of a cliche until I starte...
KEVIN CONNOLLY

A best-seller is the golden touch of mediocre talent.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

'Entourage' is a very, very, very unique acting experience. I could go in to win 1000 Academ...
KEVIN CONNOLLY

The true index of a man's character is the health of his wife.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

The one way to get thin is to re-establish a purpose in life.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

I review novels to make money, because it is easier for a sluggard to write an article a fortnight t...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Like water, we are truest to our nature in repose.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Vulgarity is the garlic in the salad of taste.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

A lazy person, whatever the talents with which he set out, will have condemned himself to second-han...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Nothing dates like hate and in literature a little of it goes a very long way.
CYRIL CONNOLLY

When I contemplate the accumulation of guilt and remorse which, like a garbage-can, I carry through ...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

If our elaborate and dominating bodies are given us to be denied at every turn, if our nature is alw...
CYRIL CONNOLLY

I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don't want to say I don't believe in God, but I don't think I do. But I believe in people who do.

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Billy Connolly

I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don't want to say I don't believe in God, but I don't think I do. But I believe in people who do.

Billy Connolly

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