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If I don't log into Facebook two days in a row, call the police, someone must've kidnapped me!


Woody Allen

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I think Woody Allen is Woody Allen, and no matter where he goes he still makes his Woody Allen films...
ABBAS KIAROSTAMI
With George Allen and Jack Pardee, we'd have 15 two-a-days in a row. With all them two-a-days in a r...
BUBBA TYER
If Woody Allen called me, I'd be there straight away. Who wouldn't? Truly.
JULIE DELPY
I definitely have a little Woody Allen inside of me. That is true.
AUTRE NE VEUT
I prefer to live in the country where it's quiet. Woody Allen movies there are dubbed into Itali...
PATRICIA HIGHSMITH
Who are you, Woody Allen?
JOY BEHAR
If Woody Allen were a Muslim, he'd be dead by now.
SALMAN RUSHDIE
If Woody Allen were a Muslim, he'd be dead by now.
SALMAN RUSHDIE
Woody Allen is a great dramatist and a great comedian.
CATE BLANCHETT
I would love to have a long and serious conversation with the Pope. And Woody Allen, whom I have nev...
CHARLIE ROSE
I'm a writer and director, and the movie I've seen a million times is 'Stardust Memories...
ROMAN COPPOLA
I was also a big Woody Allen fan. When I got into college I listened to Lenny Bruce but it's tak...
MARC MARON
It was kind of scary because working with Woody Allen becomes sort of a big deal in your mind. He di...
RADHA MITCHELL
I'm such a big fan of Woody Allen. I once tried staying at the same hotel as him, hoping I would...
DEEPIKA PADUKONE
I hate Woody Allen physically, I dislike that kind of man.
ORSON WELLES
My influences were Woody Allen and Lenny Bruce.
DAVID STEINBERG
The process of filmmaking is very musical, you get into the rhythm and the rhythmics of how someone ...
CHARLOTTE RAMPLING
This is the fourth year in a row now that the Allen Tournament has been altered by rain. I know that...
KAREN KALHOEFER
After working with Woody Allen, sharing screen space with De Niro was a dream come true.
ANUPAM KHER
If I had a penny for every time someone logged into Facebook, i'd be rich right now
LATOSHA NICHOLE
If I had a penny for every time someone logged into Facebook, i'd be rich right now
LATOSHA NICHOLE
Probably the only way Woody Allen and I are similar is that he has a lot to say about Nietzsche.
T. J. MILLER
...I might mention my belief that girls who like Woody Allen movies are nicer girls than girls who d...
ADAM LEVIN
But nothing beats a Woody Allen film on a Sunday night, with a glass of wine and some leftovers.
KATE FLEETWOOD
A customer who often comes to my restaurant and always enchants me for his simplicity, shyness and s...
ARRIGO CIPRIANI
I knew I was pregnant when I went walking (two days in a row) and didn't feel like I had a lead foot...
JODY CAMERON
My early prose style - this is so embarrassing - was sort of a suburban, Presbyterian knockoff of Wo...
JOHN HUGHES
I don't know if it's hit me yet. No, it hasn't hit me yet. When we get together as a team, and sing ...
ERIKA MESSAM
It's a real possibility. I think someone will win it two years in a row. I've said it since I won it...
ARCHIE GRIFFIN
You know me. I'm playing. I can't miss two games in a row against Fresno.
LESLIE MALONE
In New York, you've got Donald Trump, Woody Allen, a crack addict and a regular Joe, and they...
ETHAN HAWKE
Woody Allen movies notwithstanding, therapy, in the early eighties, was not exactly a hot conversati...
DAN HILL
They told me if I didn't pick my clothes up, they were going to call the police,
BARBARA PERRY
I loved the structure of the whole movie—these two parallel stories which were illustrating the po...
WILL FERRELL
I'm a huge Woody Allen fan. Good movie, bad movie, it doesn't matter - I just like his movie...
SEAN PENN
The reason I do what I do is because I was influenced by Steve Martin, by Woody Allen, by Bob Newhar...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I'm not someone who can be depended one five days a week. Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday? ...
GILLIAN FLYNN
The call to evacuate will be two days in advance, and at two days, we have a one in four chance of a...
BILL READ
Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It'...
DAVID LETTERMAN
Woody Allen said that 95% of history is explained as a man trying to impress a woman. And that's...
MITT ROMNEY
Woody Allen movies are like Beatles songs. I can't name my favorite without you immediately nami...
COLIN TREVORROW
If I had a soul I sold it
for pretty words
If I had a body I used
it up spurting my e...
ALLEN GINSBERG
New York in a way functions as another character within the story, as it does within most of Woody A...
RADHA MITCHELL
That was to cinch Woody up for a start in a couple of days.
BUDDY BELL
When I was growing up, I did not exercise at all. I was raised in the French Quarter in New Orleans....
RICHARD SIMMONS
Woody Allen has done some excellent serious movies, too, like Crimes And Misdemeanors. Very overlook...
DAVID ZUCKER
There are not many A-list directors who get to make the movies they want to make. I know two: Woody ...
MARTIN LANDAU
That's my biggest goal now, two in a row. Last year I said if we won two in a row I was cutting my h...
JOSH CHILDRESS
Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It's a...
DAVID LETTERMAN
Long time ago I used to have a life, until someone told me to create a Facebook account.
ANONYMOUS
A flag goes up after three days in a row.
JOE TORRE
Early on, if I was alone two three nights in a row, I'd start writing poems about suicide.
JACK NICHOLSON
A diplomat had been kidnapped, a cabinet minister had been kidnapped, they were under threats of mur...
ROBERT BOURASSA
With so many people in the world i am confident in saying, if you connect with someone on a soul lev...
NIKKI ROWE
She's thrown two days in a row, and that's a really good sign. She's worked hard to get her arm in s...
LARRY BIEBER
Very few people have actually read Freud, but everyone seems prepared to talk about him in that Wood...
BILLY COLLINS
I grew up with Woody Allen and early Spike Lee movies in which New York was such a specific characte...
JONATHAN LEVINE
I don't think even Tiger has played three 36-hole days in a row before.
DAVIS LOVE
He was unaware that he had done anything wrong whatsoever, because he, in fact, calls the police. He...
DICK HARPOOTLIAN
Woody Allen is really the ultimate. I love that he believed in himself enough to do what he did. And...
MINDY KALING
Folks, I've been straight for seventeen days... Not all in a row.
SAM KINISON
When we created 'Goodness Gracious Me,' it was quoting 'Python' and Woody Allen line...
SANJEEV BHASKAR
I'm a big fan of 'Woody Allen' movies, so I like all the actresses in his movies like &#...
EMILY PERKINS
If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.
WOODY ALLEN
I am proud of my kids, hanging in there and we have won two league games in a row; it is very hard t...
SERGIO ROUCO
I am a big fan of the old Howard Hawks films from the 30s and 40s, I was a big Hepburn and Tracey fa...
EDWARD BURNS
Well, I tell you, I don't know that he's been kidnapped. I should say I'm hoping he's been kidnapped...
DANIEL WALKER
How can someone ask you to show your full potential when their actions bring out the worst in you.Fo...
TANICA S HALL
How can someone ask you to show your full potential when their actions bring out the worst in you.Fo...
TANICA S HALL
Will someone tell me what I did. I skied so bad the past two days. I didn't do anything differently ...
JANICA KOSTELIC
For me, my awakening came when I was kidnapped.
PATTY HEARST
Growing up, my two favorite books were Woody Allen's 'Side Effects' and Phyllis Diller&#...
JILL DAVIS
Woody Allen sets are very quiet. Extraordinary sense of power from a man who doesn't do anything...
F. MURRAY ABRAHAM
I think more police presence is equating to fewer problems. The days we do have a problem are the da...
DAVID GOODMAN
Leave something for someone but dont leave someone for something.
ENID BLYTON
Being on Facebook too much in a row is like playing chess in a black hole. You never know if the nex...
ANA CLAUDIA ANTUNES
When Maimonides says that the Messiah will come but that 'he may tarry,' we see the origin of every ...
CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS
They can call me crazy if I fail, all the chance that I need, is one-in-a-million and they can call ...
ANI DIFRANCO
If losing is dancing with someone or even kissing someone who cares for you like I undoubtedly care ...
S.L. SCOTT
Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.
WOODY ALLEN
No one is willing to make a big bet two days in a row. That's typical of the year: We've had a lot o...
ARTHUR HOGAN
I have a Woody Allen Jewish attitude to life: that it's all going to be disastrous. That it hasn...
ANTONY SHER
I wanted to work with Mike Leigh. I had my list of British people I wanted to work with, and I wante...
CARMEN EJOGO
Two Things get you accepted into my facebook on the whole...I must have - met you in person or encou...
DEDRICK D. L. PITTER
If someone remembers me as a coach, they still call me 'Coach,' but if they know me for the ...
JOHN MADDEN
We are trying to move toward a universal log-in. Instead of everyone having to have ten different ac...
GEORGE SULLIVAN
You were kidnapped not?"
"I was kidnapped."
"You were forced not into marriage?"
"I w...
DEEANNE GIST
..."Dont marry an orange and expect him to turn into an apple." If you want an orange, great. If not...
AMY E. SPIEGEL
I think he's got me a little bit. I'd have to throw two shutouts in a row. I think he's done a great...
CLIFF LEE
There are so many roles I feel like I can fulfill. Hopefully they take that into account. I was tell...
LENNY DINARDO
You can't understand me in one or two days, I have spent a thousands of them.
ARVIND YADAV
The day you hear someone call me captain will be the day I buy a boat.
GUY LAFLEUR
It is my expectation that if I call 911 for the police that I will be blatantly harassed.
STEVEN MAGEE
We've stubbed our foot two nights in a row.
JOEL QUENNEVILLE
That's two wins in a row for us.
BRANDON MAKELA
They should stop everyone in pit row and see if they have two gloves.
GREG BIFFLE
People live for eating,but I eat for survive
OM BENIWAL
People live for eating,but I eat for survive
OM BENIWAL
Call the police, my husband's been holding me captive since 8 a.m.
BRUCE GRAHAM
Two in a row would be great and it would top the last two years.
DAN NOBBS

More Woody Allen

I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN
It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
WOODY ALLEN
One small decision can change your life! That's why I always let someone else make my decisions, tha...
WOODY ALLEN
Growing up is amazing, until you get old!
WOODY ALLEN
For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermu...
WOODY ALLEN
Today I saw a red and yellow sunset and thought, how insignificant I am! Of course, I thought that y...
WOODY ALLEN
It shows exactly what you can do if you're a total psychotic.
WOODY ALLEN
The lion and the calf will lay down together, but the calf won't get much sleep..
WOODY ALLEN
Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.
WOODY ALLEN
In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
WOODY ALLEN
If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I have a tendency to... if I get too mellow, I...
WOODY ALLEN
I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN
I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
WOODY ALLEN
More than at any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and ut...
WOODY ALLEN
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
WOODY ALLEN
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy...
WOODY ALLEN
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
WOODY ALLEN
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy ...
WOODY ALLEN
To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. ...
WOODY ALLEN
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
WOODY ALLEN
How to make God laugh: Tell him your future plans.
WOODY ALLEN
Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they f...
WOODY ALLEN
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN
There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem t...
WOODY ALLEN
More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter...
WOODY ALLEN
Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
WOODY ALLEN
My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.
WOODY ALLEN
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad o...
WOODY ALLEN
In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
WOODY ALLEN
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
WOODY ALLEN
Some guy hit my fender the other day, and I said unto him, 'Be fruitful, and multiply'. But not in t...
WOODY ALLEN
She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could ca...
WOODY ALLEN
I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.
WOODY ALLEN
The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue of Liberty.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
WOODY ALLEN
The higher the school rating the better off we are in having perspective projects look at our area,
WOODY ALLEN
A ''Bay Area Bisexual'' told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
WOODY ALLEN
I like the rain. It washes memories off the sidewalk of life.
WOODY ALLEN
The heart wants what it wants.
WOODY ALLEN
Chapter 1.
He adored New York City. He idolized it all out of proportion...no, make t...
WOODY ALLEN
Those who can't do, teach. And those who can't teach, teach gym.
WOODY ALLEN
You rely too much on brain. The brain is the most overrated organ.
WOODY ALLEN
Early in life, I was visited by the bluebird of anxiety
WOODY ALLEN
If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.
WOODY ALLEN
That [sex] was the most fun I ever had without laughing.
WOODY ALLEN
I am very attached to this watch. My grandfather sold it to me when he was dying.
WOODY ALLEN
Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
WOODY ALLEN
Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the right man a...
WOODY ALLEN
believe it when I see it.
WOODY ALLEN
All men fear death. It’s a natural fear that consumes us all. We fear death because we feel that w...
WOODY ALLEN
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman...
WOODY ALLEN
I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
WOODY ALLEN
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy ...
WOODY ALLEN
And my parents finally realize that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They rent o...
WOODY ALLEN
I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her.
WOODY ALLEN
I didn't know he was dead; I thought he was British
WOODY ALLEN
The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence...
WOODY ALLEN
All the crap that they tell you about ... getting joy, and having a kind of wisdom in your golden ye...
WOODY ALLEN
Now we're in the final stages. There's a lot of (due diligence) work to be done in the next 120 days...
WOODY ALLEN
There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says...
WOODY ALLEN
In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.
WOODY ALLEN
When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.
WOODY ALLEN
Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's,...
WOODY ALLEN
Това описание е било изтълкувано от средновековното д...
WOODY ALLEN
In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Th...
WOODY ALLEN
Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right.
WOODY ALLEN
In perpetrating a revolution, there are two requirements: someone or something to revolt against and...
WOODY ALLEN
I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final. You know, I looked...
WOODY ALLEN
I am at two with nature.
WOODY ALLEN
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
WOODY ALLEN
Marriage is the death of hope.
WOODY ALLEN
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
WOODY ALLEN
It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is ...
WOODY ALLEN
Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exc...
WOODY ALLEN
A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. An...
WOODY ALLEN
Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
WOODY ALLEN
Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on offi...
WOODY ALLEN
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
WOODY ALLEN
I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.
WOODY ALLEN
How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?
WOODY ALLEN
His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
WOODY ALLEN
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
WOODY ALLEN
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
WOODY ALLEN
The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7", it is impossible to get y...
WOODY ALLEN
Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
WOODY ALLEN
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
WOODY ALLEN
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the bo...
WOODY ALLEN
It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN
Whosoever shall not fall by the sword or by famine, shall fall by pestilence, so why bother shaving?
WOODY ALLEN
Whosover loveth wisdom is righteous, but he that keepeth company with fowl is weird.
WOODY ALLEN
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
WOODY ALLEN
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
WOODY ALLEN
If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
WOODY ALLEN
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my car...
WOODY ALLEN
The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't h...
WOODY ALLEN
I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN
Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any
WOODY ALLEN
sex is simple, love stings afterwards.
WOODY ALLEN
Psychoanalyses is like music lessons, for 5 years you do not notice any progress and suddenly you ca...
WOODY ALLEN
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she would come in and sink my boats.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN
Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty interesting qu...
WOODY ALLEN
Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
WOODY ALLEN
I'm a timid person-I was beaten up by Quakers
WOODY ALLEN
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?
WOODY ALLEN
Life is hard for insects. And don't think mice are having any fun either.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer
WOODY ALLEN
Believing would be easier if God would show himself by depositing a million dollars in a Swiss bank ...
WOODY ALLEN
It is a known secret that organized crime in America takes in over 40 billion dollars a year. This i...
WOODY ALLEN
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and...
WOODY ALLEN
I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and...
WOODY ALLEN
The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only when it's done right.
WOODY ALLEN
The baby is fine, the only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.
WOODY ALLEN
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
WOODY ALLEN
Sex between 2 people is a beautiful thing; between 5 it's fantastic.
WOODY ALLEN
My films are therapy for my debilitating depression. In institutions people weave baskets. I make fi...
WOODY ALLEN
If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.
WOODY ALLEN
My brain? That's my second favorite organ.
WOODY ALLEN
As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to ge...
WOODY ALLEN
Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
WOODY ALLEN
The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won’t get much sleep.
WOODY ALLEN
In my next life I want to live backwards. Start out dead and finish off as an orgasm.
WOODY ALLEN
I believe people ought to mate for life...like pigeons or Catholics.
WOODY ALLEN
Eighty percent of success is just showing up
WOODY ALLEN
Everytime I hear Wagner I feel like invading Poland.
WOODY ALLEN
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
WOODY ALLEN
Recently there has been a lot of controversy between the countries, and I would hope that now the tw...
WOODY ALLEN
I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.
WOODY ALLEN
Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declare...
WOODY ALLEN
If there is reincarnation, I'dd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips.
WOODY ALLEN
The higher the school rating the better off we are in having perspective projects look at our area,
WOODY ALLEN
I think any boycott is wrong, ... Boycotts were exactly what the Germans were doing against the Jews...
WOODY ALLEN
The whole country was tied together by radio. We all experienced the same heroes and comedians and s...
WOODY ALLEN
Cloquet hated reality but realized it was still the only place to get a good steak.
WOODY ALLEN
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday nig...
WOODY ALLEN
I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN
One day about a month ago, I really hit bottom. You know, I just felt that in a Godless universe, I ...
WOODY ALLEN
There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and h...
WOODY ALLEN
To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Th...
WOODY ALLEN
As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure ou...
WOODY ALLEN
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
WOODY ALLEN
I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
WOODY ALLEN
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?
WOODY ALLEN
Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.
WOODY ALLEN
You know the speed of light; so what is the speed of dark?
WOODY ALLEN
What animal can jump higher than a house? Any animal that can jump at all, because houses can't jum...
WOODY ALLEN
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
WOODY ALLEN
Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to ...
WOODY ALLEN
I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.
WOODY ALLEN
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead -- not sick, not wounded -- dead.
WOODY ALLEN
I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me
WOODY ALLEN
What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours.
WOODY ALLEN
The best way to find your perfect match is to meet love halfway.
WOODY ALLEN
The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last year.
WOODY ALLEN
It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
WOODY ALLEN
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way aroun...
WOODY ALLEN
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
WOODY ALLEN
Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
WOODY ALLEN
Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
WOODY ALLEN
If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job
WOODY ALLEN
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy ...
WOODY ALLEN
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead- not sick, not wounded - dead.
WOODY ALLEN
For the first year of marriage I had basically a bad attitude. I tended to place my wife underneath ...
WOODY ALLEN
I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.
WOODY ALLEN
If it wasn't for dogs, some people would never go for a walk.
WOODY ALLEN
Sex is nature's way of saying 'Hi!'
WOODY ALLEN
The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to m...
WOODY ALLEN
There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and w...
WOODY ALLEN
I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN
The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife -- a depress...
WOODY ALLEN
Nietzsche says that we will live the same life, over and over again. God - I'll have to sit through ...
WOODY ALLEN
If there is reincarnation, I'dd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips.
WOODY ALLEN
That [sex] was the most fun I ever had without laughing.
WOODY ALLEN
The curtain rises on a vast primitive wasteland, not unlike certain parts of New jersey.
WOODY ALLEN
Some guy hit my fender and I said "be fruitful and multiply" but not in those words
WOODY ALLEN
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
WOODY ALLEN
I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.
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I sold the memoirs of my sex life to a publisher - they are going to make a board game out of it
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The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy the ...
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You mellow too much you ripen and rot
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Nietzsche says that we will live the same life, over and over again. God - I'll have to sit through ...
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I am at two with nature
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I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
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Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought -...
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Where am I, anyhow? I mean, what happened to everybody?
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My family members are here with me because they're afraid to stay at home. There is no excuse for it...
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I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go down and meet them with bas...
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The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind -- a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly...
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We would often be sorry if our wishes were gratified.
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I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it by not dying!
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What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my car...
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More than any other time in history, mankind faces a cross-roads. One path leads to despair and utte...
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I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants
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These modern analysts! They charge so much. In my day, for five marks Freud himself would treat you....
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We're all faced throughout our lives with agonizing decisions, moral choices. Some are on a grand sc...
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Having sex is like bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
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I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.
WOODY ALLEN