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If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'


Dave Barry

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If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will ...
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If I had to describe myself in one word, 'Hercules.'
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Let's head out to the ruins." - Dan Cahill
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Love in all eight tones and all five semitones of the word's full octave.
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“Help yourself get killed? No, I won’t.
DAVE BARRY
You can say any fool thing to a dog and the dog will just give you this look that says, 'My GOSH, yo...
DAVE BARRY
But Nebraska was not always a bed of roses. When the first settlers arrived, they found a harsh, unf...
DAVE BARRY
I love the Olympics, because they enable people from all over the world to come together and--regard...
DAVE BARRY
Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling y...
DAVE BARRY
We don't shoot somebody soon, I'm gonna forget how
DAVE BARRY
Call me a proud American, if you want, but I truly believe that no other nation on Earth possesses t...
DAVE BARRY
Your hand and your mouth agreed many years ago that, as far as chocolate is concerned, there is no n...
DAVE BARRY
Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions...
DAVE BARRY
Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be att...
DAVE BARRY
To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.
DAVE BARRY
Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.
DAVE BARRY
Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who re...
DAVE BARRY
I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.
DAVE BARRY
You had me at "We'll make it look like an accident."
DAVE BARRY
I'd take a nerf bullet for you.
DAVE BARRY
The obvious and fair solution to the housework problem is to let men do the housework for, say, the ...
DAVE BARRY
Democracy: In which you say what you like and do what you're told.
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The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they...
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A thunderstorm is God's way of saying you spend too much time in front of the computer
DAVE BARRY
The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning "ability to," and bics, meaning "withst...
DAVE BARRY
My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.
DAVE BARRY
Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should aris...
DAVE BARRY
We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless y...
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The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious pe...
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New York Taxi Rules:1. Driver speaks no English.2. Driver just got here two days ago from someplace ...
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Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.
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People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with th...
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We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this i...
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What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.
DAVE BARRY
If you asked me to name the three scariest threats facing the human race, I would give the same answ...
DAVE BARRY
And, of course, you have the commercials where savvy businesspeople Get Ahead by using their MacInto...
DAVE BARRY
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to...
DAVE BARRY
The IRS spends God knows how much of your tax money on these toll-free information hot lines staffed...
DAVE BARRY
Magnetism is one of the Six Fundamental Forces of the Universe, with the other five being Gravity, D...
DAVE BARRY
While you are destroying your mind watching the worthless, brain-rotting drivel on TV, we on the Int...
DAVE BARRY
Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
DAVE BARRY
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another perso...
DAVE BARRY