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If you had yourself cloned, who exactly, would be your parents? Can you raise yourself? I guess so. And it might be fun. Just think, by the age of six you'd be driving yourself to school.


George Carlin

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You have to be yourself.
YOUNG THUG You can't think about things you want to change. Just be yourself.
ETHAN EMBRY If you can just be yourself, then you have to be original because there's no one like you.
MARC NEWSON A connection should be natural. Just be yourself, and you will find someone who likes you for exactl...
BJ THE CHICAGO KID If you are feeling constrained by a group that you belong to, ask yourself,
“How can I partic...
GINA GREENLEE Just be yourself. Be honest, work towards a goal, and you'll achieve it.
EMRAAN HASHMI Just be yourself, and enjoy the blessings that God's borne out on you.
DELILAH It sounds so simple, but if you just be yourself, you're different than anyone else.
TONY BENNETT Just be yourself and forget all of the stuff you read in 'GQ' magazine.
CHRIS PRATT My dad used to say, 'Just be yourself and you'll be fine,' but it's really, really t...
BELLAMY YOUNG You are what you made yourself to be.
LORRIN L. LEE Be true to yourself.Give wings of confidence & courage to your endeavour. Your strength is reflected...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA Stay true to yourself.Take everyday challenge in your stride & strive to make journey of life exactl...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA You want to be with a girl who likes you for you. Just be yourself and forget all of the stuff you r...
CHRIS PRATT Once you get to that point when you can just be yourself and relax, I just think that you're so ...
JACQUELINE EMERSON Be your own kind dont go around and chase others and do what they do.
NADIRA AHMED It has been a motto of mine my whole life - just be yourself.
PATRICK KANE There are more gifts in who you are than there are in who you think you want to be.
JULIEANNE O'CONNOR Be yourself. Unapologetically.
KESHA But to me, to be original is to be yourself.
MARC NEWSON It's simple; be YOU. If you're not being you, you're being someone else. YOU are not here to be some...
STEVE MARABOLI Seven Ways To Get Ahead in Business:
1. Be forward thinking
2. Be inventive, and daring GERMANY KENT Nobody asks anybody to be somebody.
Man for himself and be yourself, buddy!
TOBA BETA Be Yourself. Everyone Else Is Taken!
OSCAR WILDE You don't need anybody to tell you who you are or what you are. You are what you are!
JOHN LENNON If you believe in self being as what you are there will be less subjective inferences about other pe...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA It is always better to like someone, but not good to be like someone even if he or she looks like th...
ANUJ SOMANY Be your own self & make things to be happened,not to wait for things to be happened.
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA Be yourself & inculcate positivity in your life.Have faith in self as you are the best.You have pote...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA If you believe in peace, act peacefully; if you believe in love, acting lovingly; if you believe eve...
TOM ROBBINS -Are you nervous to meet my family?
-No, not really.They're either going to like me or they wo...
JACOB CHANCE What you say and how you look does not define who you are,because some of the most beautiful people ...
AMBER WARD Be master of your own thought which drives strength, not slave of emotion which makes you malleable ...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA A person can always live life of his own only if he is prepared to stand alone when there is none to...
ANUJ SOMANY You are the best person to know the best way to achieve your dreams. Although people will always hav...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA Never be bullied by assault.Never allow yourself to be made a victim.Accept no one’s definition of...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA Avoid self-pity, or the pity and sympathy of others. Never allow others to make you feel inferior.
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA Be yourself"means be true to your core identity rather than faking a different one because you think...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA Be yourself. Be true to that, to your heart. Patience. See what happens if you step back instead of ...
NORA ROBERTS Keep being crazy. Keep being loud. Be yourself. Because the only thing you have in your life is your...
ZACH MERRICK Our competitive nature as humans means that we have a tendency to compare ourselves to others. You m...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA To be yourself is greatest accomplishment as others will try to influence you the way which suits th...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA At the end of the day, always remember that You Are Important. STOP comparing yourself to everyone e...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA Don't let who you're with change who you are.
E.R. ROCK Not all difficult individuals we face require direct confrontation about their behavior. Some people...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA God made you for a reason, changing yourself might just delay the reason. Be yourself.
GAURANG SHARMA Be yourself"means be true to your core identity rather than faking a different one because you think...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA Life is not meant to be easy. It is a challenge and some days are tougher than others. With every ch...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA Don’t strive only to make your presence noticed, but make yourself such that your absence is felt.
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA Being yourself is protective shield of your self entity.Never leave yourself or subject yourself to ...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA You yourself deserve your affection & love.To be your self means you are choosing to be positive & y...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA Be there for others but not at the cost your commited way of living.Be yourself & never allow to def...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA Remind yourself of who you are and what you can do in spite what others say about you or how others ...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA Learn that life is full of bumps down the road. And that often these insecure feelings come and go, ...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA Decide whether you are living up to your best idea of who you should be—and work on it if you're n...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA ‎"It only makes sense to be who i am... Nobody else can do it!"
EULLYS "JEWELZ" HINNANT III You don't need to paint a perfect picture of yourself or your life for anybody. Just be real. If peo...
AKIROQ BROST Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successfu...
BRUCE LEE Yo soy yo y tú eres tú, todos los de allá fuera son ellos. Y todos somos diferentes e igualmente ...
JENNY DOWNHAM Be yourself & respect your own self being.Let not influence of others undermine your own self entity...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA Do not be afraid to project your strengths and qualities to others. By doing so, you reinforce those...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA Believe in outcome of your effort & if it demands time You must a afford to wait without anxiety.
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA Remind yourself that you are not infallible. There are things that you do not know. Do not be ashame...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA Be your self & inculcate confidence, determination, strength of character and courage. Traits like b...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA Be best version of yourself.Follow your dreams.Treat others with respect.Celebrate tour success & be...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA Be yourself & do what you have dreamt for.Never shy off of your commitment. Being honest to self is ...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA The fact of the matter is that you cannot make other people do anything without their consent. No ma...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA But then Macon smiled at me. "Just be yourself, Foster. That's the best thing in the world.
JOAN BAUER Don’t be afraid of being yourself, but be afraid of being somebody else.
BEN TOLOSA Rather than looking outward in an attempt to predict the outcome, you turn inward to your identity. ...
ADAM GRANT The more she thought about it, the angrier she became. She was who she was - she'd been born this wa...
S. USHER EVANS Jangan coba meniru jadi orang lain.
Coba jadi diri sendiri yang ditiru orang lain.
HARRY SLYMAN My best advice is to be yourself. Unless you’re psychotic, then you might want to try a different ...
GWEN HAYES Stick to basics of right principle.No matter, some will adore you someone will hate you but never su...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA Never allow yourself to be a playful object for others. Never let yourself be satisfied on less what...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA Don't let who you're with change who you are.
E.R. ROCK You don't need anybody to tell you who you are or what you are. You are what you are!
JOHN LENNON Never try to hide who you are.Always stand up for what you believe in. When people walk away from yo...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA No matter how efficient you try to be, there will always be a chance that the people you work with o...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successfu...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA To compare ourselves with other is far healthier to acknowledge our strengths. The key is not to com...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA If you’re dealing with a difficult colleague or an annoying relative, be diplomatic and apply wisd...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA Being Yourself” means aligning your beliefs, words and actions. Be yourself, accept yourself, valu...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA Be yourself .Be courageous & bold.Strive to make every moment beautiful to make your day worth meani...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA Identify your bad habits, or negative aspects of your personality, and resolve them.
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA The really important thing to be was yourself, just as hard as you could.
NEIL GAIMAN Amid a world of noisy, shallow actors it is noble to stand aside and say, 'I will simply be.
HENRY DAVID THOREAU If you aren’t you, we don’t get you.
MAX LUCADO To understand your parents' love you must raise children yourself.
CHINESE PROVERB The opinions of others should not deter you from being yourself..
LAILAH GIFTY AKITA If you feel rejected by others, do not deprive yourself. There will always be someone who will accep...
SAAIF ALAM Be yourself, but always your better self.
KARL G. MAESER I could not sit seriously down to write a serious Romance under any other motive than to save my lif...
JANE AUSTEN Only you can find yourself by losing yourself again and again in the deep darkness of your driving d...
DEBASISH MRIDHA I think you have to be yourself, and you have to be real and you have to admit what you don't kn...
ANDERSON COOPER You always second guess yourself. Just think of all the time you'd save if you just trusted yourself...
, ANIMAL CROSSING: WILD WORLD, 2005 Be yourself, be who you can be.
LAILAH GIFTY AKITA If you can BE your way through it, you can find your way to it.
SUZETTE VEARNON If you would be revenged of your enemy, govern yourself.
BENJAMIN FRANKLIN Activate yourself to duty by remembering your position, who you are, and what you have obliged yours...
THOMAS KEMPIS

More George Carlin

It was my uncle who taught me about the birds and the bees. He sat me down one day and said, 'Rememb...
GEORGE CARLIN That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
GEORGE CARLIN The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
GEORGE CARLIN Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year t...
GEORGE CARLIN Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning...
GEORGE CARLIN I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good Amercian because I like to...
GEORGE CARLIN Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
GEORGE CARLIN 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I ...
GEORGE CARLIN Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than...
GEORGE CARLIN May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
GEORGE CARLIN At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
GEORGE CARLIN You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
GEORGE CARLIN Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.
GEORGE CARLIN Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are even stupider!
GEORGE CARLIN Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that b...
GEORGE CARLIN The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
GEORGE CARLIN Electricity is really just organized lightning.
GEORGE CARLIN When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.
GEORGE CARLIN Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
GEORGE CARLIN Some people think of the glass as half full. Some people think of the glass as half empty. I think o...
GEORGE CARLIN One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people
GEORGE CARLIN "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the l...
GEORGE CARLIN I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe ...
GEORGE CARLIN When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front ro...
GEORGE CARLIN Always do whatever's next
GEORGE CARLIN May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.-.
GEORGE CARLIN I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it daw...
GEORGE CARLIN I don't vote. Two reasons. First of all it's meaningless; this country was bought and sold a long ti...
GEORGE CARLIN If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
GEORGE CARLIN What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?
GEORGE CARLIN We will never be an advanced civilization as long as rain showers can delay the launching of a space...
GEORGE CARLIN The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.
GEORGE CARLIN Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
GEORGE CARLIN You get to play with people's little danger zones.
GEORGE CARLIN When you stress individualism, as this country does; materialism, as this country does; personal wea...
GEORGE CARLIN The word bipartisan means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out
GEORGE CARLIN Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
GEORGE CARLIN I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
GEORGE CARLIN Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it's trying to save its body.
GEORGE CARLIN I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it d...
GEORGE CARLIN It turned out I was pretty good in science. But again, because of the small budget, in science class...
GEORGE CARLIN THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: 'Please stop sucking my dick or I'll call the police.
GEORGE CARLIN I've begun worshipping the sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike some other gods I could...
GEORGE CARLIN Females create life, males end it. War, crime, violence, are primarily male franchises. Man shit. It...
GEORGE CARLIN Political correctness is America's newest form of intolerance, and it is especially pernicious becau...
GEORGE CARLIN What exactly is the free world, anyway? I guess it would depend on what you consider the non-free wo...
GEORGE CARLIN I find it discouraging—and a bit depressing—when I notice the unequal treatment afforded by the ...
GEORGE CARLIN I think one of the problems in this country is that too many people are screwing things up, committi...
GEORGE CARLIN If you can't say something nice about a person, go ahead
GEORGE CARLIN I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when...
GEORGE CARLIN I read that Monica Seles got stabbed. And although I have nothing against Monica Seles, I'm glad som...
GEORGE CARLIN “The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”
GEORGE CARLIN Writing books isn’t a drastic departure from writing for the stage,
GEORGE CARLIN a blank slate -- and you get to play.
GEORGE CARLIN Think off-center.
GEORGE CARLIN If it requires a uniform it's a worthless endeavor
GEORGE CARLIN One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like
GEORGE CARLIN They call it the 'American Dream' because you have to be asleep to believe it.
GEORGE CARLIN I'm the creative type,
GEORGE CARLIN If the Reds were baseball's first team, who did they play?
GEORGE CARLIN we get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.
GEORGE CARLIN If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed ...
GEORGE CARLIN I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
GEORGE CARLIN I didn't wash today. I wasn't dirty. If I'm not dirty, I don't wash. Some weeks I don't have to show...
GEORGE CARLIN It's not in the mainstream media yet, but the biggest jump in skin cancer has occurred since the adv...
GEORGE CARLIN The decay and disintegration of this culture is astonishingly amusing if you are emotionally detache...
GEORGE CARLIN Don't confuse me with those who cling to hope. I enjoy describing how things are, I have no interest...
GEORGE CARLIN The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of you...
GEORGE CARLIN The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, 'Yo...
GEORGE CARLIN I love it in a movie when they throw a guy off a cliff. I love it even when it's not a movie. No, es...
GEORGE CARLIN The larger the group, the more toxic, the more of your beauty as an individual you have to surrender...
GEORGE CARLIN How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.
GEORGE CARLIN I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is ...
GEORGE CARLIN The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
GEORGE CARLIN Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches e...
GEORGE CARLIN Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
GEORGE CARLIN If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
GEORGE CARLIN May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.-
GEORGE CARLIN There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.
GEORGE CARLIN Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fa...
GEORGE CARLIN The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity
GEORGE CARLIN ... And what about Zombies? You never hear from Zombies! That's the trouble with Zombies, they're ...
GEORGE CARLIN Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you i...
GEORGE CARLIN I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Buil...
GEORGE CARLIN He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck thi...
GEORGE CARLIN I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
GEORGE CARLIN Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dish...
GEORGE CARLIN Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
GEORGE CARLIN Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
GEORGE CARLIN By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
GEORGE CARLIN The status quo sucks.
GEORGE CARLIN I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
GEORGE CARLIN People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don...
GEORGE CARLIN If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked.
GEORGE CARLIN But when you're in front of an audience and you make them laugh at a new idea, you're guiding the wh...
GEORGE CARLIN If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him
GEORGE CARLIN When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for hygiene and sanitary reasons
GEORGE CARLIN In labor news, longshoremen walked off the piers today; rescue operations are continuing
GEORGE CARLIN If you’re reading it in a book, folks, it ain’t self-help. It’s help.
GEORGE CARLIN You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic
GEORGE CARLIN One thing i don't understand is sex is legal and selling things is legal but selling sex is illegal.
GEORGE CARLIN If a piece requires some specific inflection, I'll record it. I take a lot of notes, and later categ...
GEORGE CARLIN put this whole thing behind me.
GEORGE CARLIN I think, therefore I am. I think.
GEORGE CARLIN What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?
GEORGE CARLIN A lot of times when a package says Open Other End, I purposely open the end where it says that
GEORGE CARLIN I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it&...
GEORGE CARLIN Jesus was a cross dresser
GEORGE CARLIN If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him
GEORGE CARLIN In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Coliseum called the Caesarian Section
GEORGE CARLIN I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves ...
GEORGE CARLIN I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.
GEORGE CARLIN And although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighte...
GEORGE CARLIN Fuck the drug war. Dropping acid was a profound turning point for me, a seminal experience. I make n...
GEORGE CARLIN Electricity is really just organized lightning
GEORGE CARLIN Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.
GEORGE CARLIN The God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.
GEORGE CARLIN My advice: just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different plac...
GEORGE CARLIN Whenever you hear the phrase zero tolerance, remember, someone is bullshitting you.
GEORGE CARLIN I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now...
GEORGE CARLIN Sore loser? You bet your fuckin' ass! What on earth is wrong with being a sore loser? It shows you c...
GEORGE CARLIN The worst thing about e-mail is that you can’t interrupt the other person. You have to read the wh...
GEORGE CARLIN I'm not a person who thinks they can have it all, but I certainly feel that with a bit of effort and...
GEORGE CARLIN Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist
GEORGE CARLIN I'm the creative type,
GEORGE CARLIN He had a sort of pain that was fairly evident.
GEORGE CARLIN 'We hope you enjoy your stay in Chicago or wherever your final destination may be.' All destinations...
GEORGE CARLIN A man came up to me on the street and said I used to be messed up out of my mind on drugs but now I'...
GEORGE CARLIN Think about it,
GEORGE CARLIN Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
GEORGE CARLIN Writing books isn’t a drastic departure from writing for the stage,
GEORGE CARLIN [He appreciated its] compounded vulgarity, ... It had that Peter Finch in 'Network,' 'I'm mad as hel...
GEORGE CARLIN I believe you can joke about anything.
GEORGE CARLIN Baseball is the only major sport that appears backward in a mirror
GEORGE CARLIN Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity
GEORGE CARLIN You can prick your finger, but don't finger your prick!
GEORGE CARLIN When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands
GEORGE CARLIN I don't like ass kissers, flag wavers or team players. I like people who buck the system. Individual...
GEORGE CARLIN I went through the usual stages: imp, rascal, scalawag, whippersnapper. And, of course, after that i...
GEORGE CARLIN You show me a lazy prick who's lying in bed all day, watching TV, only occasionally getting up to pi...
GEORGE CARLIN When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a ...
GEORGE CARLIN May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
GEORGE CARLIN I'm also tired of hearing about innocent victims; this is an outmoded idea. There are no innocent vi...
GEORGE CARLIN Atheism is a non-prophet organization
GEORGE CARLIN When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?
GEORGE CARLIN If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next door playing pinball
GEORGE CARLIN If you think there's a solution, you're part of the problem
GEORGE CARLIN If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten
GEORGE CARLIN In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
GEORGE CARLIN You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
GEORGE CARLIN The best thing about living at the beach is that you only have assholes on three sides of you.
GEORGE CARLIN People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don...
GEORGE CARLIN As it stands right now, I lead Richard Pryor in heart attacks, two to one. However, Richard still le...
GEORGE CARLIN People are wonderful. I love individuals. I hate groups of people. I hate a group of people with a '...
GEORGE CARLIN Here's an interesting form of murder we came up with: assassination. You know what's interesting abo...
GEORGE CARLIN You can take and nail two sticks together like they've never been nailed together before and some fo...
GEORGE CARLIN Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.
GEORGE CARLIN Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain,
For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the...
GEORGE CARLIN If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
GEORGE CARLIN The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
GEORGE CARLIN Some people see things that are and ask, Why?
Some people dream of things that never were and ...
GEORGE CARLIN Meow” means “woof” in cat.
GEORGE CARLIN Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.
GEORGE CARLIN I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institution...
GEORGE CARLIN Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
GEORGE CARLIN The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is
GEORGE CARLIN I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd, Ky...
GEORGE CARLIN When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the...
GEORGE CARLIN Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? Th...
GEORGE CARLIN The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "Y...
GEORGE CARLIN If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed...
GEORGE CARLIN As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
GEORGE CARLIN The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, GEORGE CARLIN Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things
GEORGE CARLIN When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse
GEORGE CARLIN Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
GEORGE CARLIN Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
GEORGE CARLIN The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
GEORGE CARLIN Always do whatever's next.
GEORGE CARLIN Everyone smiles in the same language.
GEORGE CARLIN Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the ...
GEORGE CARLIN The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elect...
GEORGE CARLIN The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of you...
GEORGE CARLIN Religion is just mind control
GEORGE CARLIN By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth
GEORGE CARLIN Everything beeps now
GEORGE CARLIN I enjoy watching reruns of Saturday Night Live and counting all the dead people
GEORGE CARLIN When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or ...
GEORGE CARLIN What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30 years,>Read People Magazine your...
GEORGE CARLIN Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
GEORGE CARLIN Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage. I've always written in the long ...
GEORGE CARLIN If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else
GEORGE CARLIN I don't vote. Two reasons. First of all it's meaningless; this country was bought and sold a long ti...
GEORGE CARLIN He had a sort of pain that was fairly evident.
GEORGE CARLIN Rich White Men Don't Care About Poor Black People
GEORGE CARLIN You get to play with people's little danger zones.
GEORGE CARLIN 'We hope you enjoy your stay in Chicago or wherever your final destination may be.' All destinations...
GEORGE CARLIN The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
GEORGE CARLIN I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it d...
GEORGE CARLIN You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans
GEORGE CARLIN