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I'm not a natural killer! See this? See what it says? I'm supposed to keep the peace, I am! If I kill people to do it, I'm reading the wrong manual!


Terry Pratchett

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birthday parties. Her b...
TERRY PRATCHETT
I've always felt that what I have going for me is not my imagination, because everyone has an im...
TERRY PRATCHETT
The most watched programme on the BBC, after the news, is probably 'Doctor Who.' What has ha...
TERRY PRATCHETT
After a while the Senior Wrangler said, "Do you know, I read the other day that every atom in your b...
TERRY PRATCHETT
He said that there was death and taxes, and taxes was worse, because at least death didn’t happen ...
TERRY PRATCHETT
The reaper does not listen to the harvest.
TERRY PRATCHETT
Was that what it was really like to be alive? The feeling of darkness dragging you forward?
How...
TERRY PRATCHETT
ALL THINGS THAT ARE, ARE OURS. BUT WE MUST CARE. FOR IF WE DO NOT CARE, WE DO NOT EXIST. IF WE DO NO...
TERRY PRATCHETT
In theory it was, around now, Literature. Susan hated Literature. She'd much prefer to read a good b...
TERRY PRATCHETT
New things, new ideas arrived and strutted their stuff and were vilified by some and then lo! that w...
TERRY PRATCHETT
She sniffed, and smiled a bit, but not too much because if there is one thing worse than someone who...
TERRY PRATCHETT
...it is well known that a vital ingredient of success is not knowing that what you're attempting ca...
TERRY PRATCHETT
I think perhaps the most important problem is that we are trying to understand the fundamental worki...
TERRY PRATCHETT
Your own brain ought to have the decency to be on your side!
TERRY PRATCHETT
Welcome to fear, said Moist to himself. It's hope, turned inside out. You know it can't go wrong, yo...
TERRY PRATCHETT
But, in truth, it had not exactly been gold, or even the promise of gold, but more like the fantasy ...
TERRY PRATCHETT
Look, he said to his imagination, if this is how you're going to behave, I shan't bring you again.
TERRY PRATCHETT
The only really sane person in there is Igor, and possibly the turnip. And I'm not sure about the tu...
TERRY PRATCHETT
And if you couldn't trust the government, who could you trust? Very nearly everyone, come to think o...
TERRY PRATCHETT
Good or bad, do it as you. Too many lies and there's no truth to go back to.
TERRY PRATCHETT
You take a bunch of people who don't seem any different from you and me, but when you add them all t...
TERRY PRATCHETT
How can you protect yourself by carrying a sword if you don’t know how to use it?’
Not me, ...
TERRY PRATCHETT
I wonder if it's like this for mountain climbers, he thought. You climb bigger and bigger mountains ...
TERRY PRATCHETT
But the purpose of the book is not the horror, it is horror's defeat.
TERRY PRATCHETT
Night, forever. But within it, a city, shadowy and only real in certain ways.
The entity cower...
TERRY PRATCHETT
Anyway, it's like with bikes,' said the first speaker authoritatively. 'I thought I was going to get...
TERRY PRATCHETT
Many things went on at Unseen University and, regrettably, teaching had to be one of them. The facul...
TERRY PRATCHETT
It was impossible for him to get bored. He just didn't have the imagination.
TERRY PRATCHETT
Probably the last sound heard before the Universe folded up like a paper hat would be someone saying...
TERRY PRATCHETT
We can't just drop everything, sir!"
"Mister Lipwig. Is there something in the word 'tyrant' yo...
TERRY PRATCHETT
Reality so often fails when it comes to small, satisfying details, she thought.
TERRY PRATCHETT
And when in doubt, take all your clothes off,' said Caleb. 'What for?' 'Sign of a good berserk, taki...
TERRY PRATCHETT
Never build a dungeon you wouldn't be happy to spend the night in yourself. The world would be a hap...
TERRY PRATCHETT
His sister had been sent down to the village to ask Mistress Garlick the witch how you stopped spell...
TERRY PRATCHETT
Little crimes breed big crimes. You smile at little crimes and then big crimes blow your head off.
TERRY PRATCHETT
(About a cookbook...)
- What about this one? Maids of Honor?
- Weeelll, they starts OUT as...
TERRY PRATCHETT
Look, this is just the cemetery. It's got bylaws and things! It's not Transylvania! There's just dea...
TERRY PRATCHETT
And just when you’d think [humans] were more malignant than ever Hell could be, they occasionally ...
TERRY PRATCHETT
Truth! Freedom! Justice! And a hard-boiled egg!
TERRY PRATCHETT
HOROSCOPE:
Today is a good time for making new friends. A good deed may have unforeseen consequ...
TERRY PRATCHETT
And all the stories had, somewhere, the witch. The wicked old witch.
And Tiffany had thought: W...
TERRY PRATCHETT
I can see we're going to get along like a house on fire," said Miss Tick. "There may be no survivors...
TERRY PRATCHETT
Sister Mary was a nurse and nurses, whatever their creed, are primarily nurses, which had a lot to d...
TERRY PRATCHETT
The fact is that camels are far more intelligent than dolphins. They are so much brighter that they ...
TERRY PRATCHETT
Witches knew that mysterious omens were around all the time. The world was always very nearly drowni...
TERRY PRATCHETT
Did she help people?" Miss Level added.
...
...
"She made them help one another, she ...
TERRY PRATCHETT
She was not an unkind woman, despite a lifetime of being gently dried out on the stove of education,...
TERRY PRATCHETT
The Patrician took a sip of his beer. “I have told this to few people, gentlemen, and I suspect I ...
TERRY PRATCHETT
Well, yes, but it's not about the football."
"You're saying that football is not about football...
TERRY PRATCHETT
I would not like it thought that I do not buy my own paperclips, sir. I enjoy owning my own papercli...
TERRY PRATCHETT
Many bad things were done under the Evil Empire" she said. "The best we can do now is undo them. Wil...
TERRY PRATCHETT
Apes had it worked out. No ape would philosophize, "The mountain is, and is not." They would think, ...
TERRY PRATCHETT