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Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right.


Woody Allen

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Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.
WOODY ALLEN
Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right
WOODY ALLEN
Is sex dirty? Only if it is done right. (All You Wanted To Know About Sex)
WOODY ALLEN
I think Woody Allen is Woody Allen, and no matter where he goes he still makes his Woody Allen films...
ABBAS KIAROSTAMI
The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only when it's done right.
WOODY ALLEN
Who are you, Woody Allen?
JOY BEHAR
Woody Allen is a great dramatist and a great comedian.
CATE BLANCHETT
Probably the only way Woody Allen and I are similar is that he has a lot to say about Nietzsche.
T. J. MILLER
My influences were Woody Allen and Lenny Bruce.
DAVID STEINBERG
I definitely have a little Woody Allen inside of me. That is true.
AUTRE NE VEUT
I hate Woody Allen physically, I dislike that kind of man.
ORSON WELLES
If Woody Allen were a Muslim, he'd be dead by now.
SALMAN RUSHDIE
...I might mention my belief that girls who like Woody Allen movies are nicer girls than girls who d...
ADAM LEVIN
I'm a writer and director, and the movie I've seen a million times is 'Stardust Memories...
ROMAN COPPOLA
Woody Allen has done some excellent serious movies, too, like Crimes And Misdemeanors. Very overlook...
DAVID ZUCKER
After working with Woody Allen, sharing screen space with De Niro was a dream come true.
ANUPAM KHER
If Woody Allen called me, I'd be there straight away. Who wouldn't? Truly.
JULIE DELPY
It was kind of scary because working with Woody Allen becomes sort of a big deal in your mind. He di...
RADHA MITCHELL
If Woody Allen were a Muslim, he'd be dead by now.
SALMAN RUSHDIE
My early prose style - this is so embarrassing - was sort of a suburban, Presbyterian knockoff of Wo...
JOHN HUGHES
There’s a lot of degradation in sex, isn’t there?”
“When it’s done right.
HANIF KUREISHI
When Maimonides says that the Messiah will come but that 'he may tarry,' we see the origin of every ...
CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS
But nothing beats a Woody Allen film on a Sunday night, with a glass of wine and some leftovers.
KATE FLEETWOOD
I prefer to live in the country where it's quiet. Woody Allen movies there are dubbed into Itali...
PATRICIA HIGHSMITH
Infatuation is when you think he's as sexy as Robert Redford, as smart as Henry Kissinger, as noble ...
JUDITH VIORST
I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty
GEORGE F. BURNS
Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.
WOODY ALLEN
People have sex, even the religious ones. Yet, when sex is transferred into words, suddenly it's dir...
HECTOR HIMEROS
I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
GEORGE BURNS
The reason I do what I do is because I was influenced by Steve Martin, by Woody Allen, by Bob Newhar...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Woody Allen said that 95% of history is explained as a man trying to impress a woman. And that's...
MITT ROMNEY
Infatuation is when you think that he's as sexy as Robert Redford, as smart as Henry Kissinger, as n...
JUDITH VIORST
Very few people have actually read Freud, but everyone seems prepared to talk about him in that Wood...
BILLY COLLINS
I'm a huge Woody Allen fan. Good movie, bad movie, it doesn't matter - I just like his movie...
SEAN PENN
Woody Allen movies are like Beatles songs. I can't name my favorite without you immediately nami...
COLIN TREVORROW
A customer who often comes to my restaurant and always enchants me for his simplicity, shyness and s...
ARRIGO CIPRIANI
If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.
WOODY ALLEN
Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It'...
DAVID LETTERMAN
When we created 'Goodness Gracious Me,' it was quoting 'Python' and Woody Allen line...
SANJEEV BHASKAR
I have a Woody Allen Jewish attitude to life: that it's all going to be disastrous. That it hasn...
ANTONY SHER
Woody Allen sets are very quiet. Extraordinary sense of power from a man who doesn't do anything...
F. MURRAY ABRAHAM
I'm a big fan of 'Woody Allen' movies, so I like all the actresses in his movies like &#...
EMILY PERKINS
I wanted to work with Mike Leigh. I had my list of British people I wanted to work with, and I wante...
CARMEN EJOGO
Not when truth is dirty, but when it is shallow, does the enlightened man dislike to wade into its w...
FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE
In New York, you've got Donald Trump, Woody Allen, a crack addict and a regular Joe, and they...
ETHAN HAWKE
Woody Allen movies notwithstanding, therapy, in the early eighties, was not exactly a hot conversati...
DAN HILL
Like sex in Victorian England, the reality of Big Business today is our big dirty secret.
RALPH NADER
New York in a way functions as another character within the story, as it does within most of Woody A...
RADHA MITCHELL
Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It's a...
DAVID LETTERMAN
I'm such a big fan of Woody Allen. I once tried staying at the same hotel as him, hoping I would...
DEEPIKA PADUKONE
I would love to have a long and serious conversation with the Pope. And Woody Allen, whom I have nev...
CHARLIE ROSE
I was also a big Woody Allen fan. When I got into college I listened to Lenny Bruce but it's tak...
MARC MARON
Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty.
ITALIAN PROVERB
People sometimes forget all the films that we've done. They remember the likes of 'Malcolm X...
SPIKE LEE
I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer
WOODY ALLEN
There is categorically no consumer harm being done right now.
HENRY HARTEVELDT
If it is the dirty element that gives pleasure to the act of lust, then the dirtier it is, the more ...
MARQUIS DE SADE
It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.
MARILYN MONROE
I think I had a more European outlook about the body and sex. The body is in no way dirty, and sex i...
DOROTHY STRATTEN
The process of filmmaking is very musical, you get into the rhythm and the rhythmics of how someone ...
CHARLOTTE RAMPLING
There are not many A-list directors who get to make the movies they want to make. I know two: Woody ...
MARTIN LANDAU
History at its best is a gritty, dirty business.
SARA SHERIDAN
Being stigmatied by sex is being marked by its meaning in a human life of loneliness and imperfectio...
ANDREA DWORKIN
It is not when truth is dirty, but when it is shallow, that the lover of knowledge is reluctant to s...
FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE
Working with Woody Allen is like filming Howard Hughes's will. It's a very mysterious and st...
MICHAEL O'DONOGHUE
I'm sick of hearing, thinking and talking about Woody Allen. Nonetheless, the allegations agains...
ROXANE GAY
You have to keep the fights clean and the sex dirty.
KEVIN BACON
I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.
JOHN WATERS
Your principal motive on a movie set is to get the film made, but on a Woody Allen set, there's ...
REBECCA HALL
Romantic love, or sex, is the only good thing in a life that is being lived in a dark way.
ALAN FURST
It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and ...
GEORGE BURNS
In America, sex is preached; in France, it is done.
FRITZ LANG
It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex ...
GEORGE F. BURNS
I like so many different directors: Scorsese, Coppola, Cassavetes, Jarmusch, Gus van Sant, Woody All...
ALEJANDRO GONZALEZ INARRITU
The act of thinking and interpreting is so central to Judaism that it makes more sense that we'v...
TONY KUSHNER
Well, obviously I was excited by the idea that Woody Allen was going to direct it. But at the same t...
RADHA MITCHELL
The sex language;Is the only language only sex trully understands.
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN)
Chapter 1.
He adored New York City. He idolized it all out of proportion...no, make t...
WOODY ALLEN
This shirt is dry clean only. Which means...it's dirty.
MITCH HEDBERG
Is Tyler Allen a genius or a fool? Only time will tell.
TOM OWEN
Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at them.
JIMMY DEMARET
Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.
JIMMY DEMARET
I grew up with Woody Allen and early Spike Lee movies in which New York was such a specific characte...
JONATHAN LEVINE
We know what to expect from Woody. I love Woody. I still talk to Woody. But when I go out there to f...
ALBERT PUJOLS
I pity the people who hated the opposite sex, I've no idea what they done to them but I still won't ...
J C A ROWE
Being a sex symbol is a heavy load to carry, especially when one is tired, hurt and bewildered.
MARILYN MONROE
Being a sex symbol is a heavy load to carry, especially when one is tired, hurt and bewildered.
CLARA BOW
Being a sex symbol is a heavy load to carry, especially when one is very tired, hurt and bewildered.
CLARA BOW
I love 'Husbands and Wives,' Woody Allen's movie. It's like one of my all-time favor...
ZOE LISTER-JONES
I loved the structure of the whole movie—these two parallel stories which were illustrating the po...
WILL FERRELL
How did sex come to be thought of as dirty in the first place? God must have been a Republican.
WILL DURST
Every time I've done something that doesn't feel right, it's ended up not being right.
MARIO CUOMO
If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.
WOODY ALLEN
It was a happenin' place -- the Ramones lived there, Debbie Harry, Ornette Coleman, Allen Ginsburg. ...
CHRIS FRANTZ
I am a big fan of the old Howard Hawks films from the 30s and 40s, I was a big Hepburn and Tracey fa...
EDWARD BURNS
The real achievement of Woody Allen was that he was making movies that felt very personal, and for a...
NOAH BAUMBACH
It'll be a very Woody Allen kind of film covering three layers of characters: the Indians from India...
HARISH DAYANI
It's a good thing, right, when an author gets turned on by the dirty scenes they write?!
MARTHA SWEENEY
I took an acting class with Louise Lasser, Woody Allen's first wife and co-star in many movies. ...
GARY SHTEYNGART
[For an actor who was then living in New York, Daniels said, working on a Woody Allen movie was some...
JEFF DANIELS

More Woody Allen

I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN
It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
WOODY ALLEN
One small decision can change your life! That's why I always let someone else make my decisions, tha...
WOODY ALLEN
Growing up is amazing, until you get old!
WOODY ALLEN
For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermu...
WOODY ALLEN
Today I saw a red and yellow sunset and thought, how insignificant I am! Of course, I thought that y...
WOODY ALLEN
It shows exactly what you can do if you're a total psychotic.
WOODY ALLEN
The lion and the calf will lay down together, but the calf won't get much sleep..
WOODY ALLEN
Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.
WOODY ALLEN
In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
WOODY ALLEN
If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I have a tendency to... if I get too mellow, I...
WOODY ALLEN
I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN
I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
WOODY ALLEN
More than at any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and ut...
WOODY ALLEN
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
WOODY ALLEN
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy...
WOODY ALLEN
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
WOODY ALLEN
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy ...
WOODY ALLEN
To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. ...
WOODY ALLEN
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
WOODY ALLEN
How to make God laugh: Tell him your future plans.
WOODY ALLEN
Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they f...
WOODY ALLEN
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN
There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem t...
WOODY ALLEN
More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter...
WOODY ALLEN
Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
WOODY ALLEN
My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.
WOODY ALLEN
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad o...
WOODY ALLEN
In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
WOODY ALLEN
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
WOODY ALLEN
Some guy hit my fender the other day, and I said unto him, 'Be fruitful, and multiply'. But not in t...
WOODY ALLEN
She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could ca...
WOODY ALLEN
I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.
WOODY ALLEN
The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue of Liberty.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
WOODY ALLEN
The higher the school rating the better off we are in having perspective projects look at our area,
WOODY ALLEN
A ''Bay Area Bisexual'' told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
WOODY ALLEN
I like the rain. It washes memories off the sidewalk of life.
WOODY ALLEN
The heart wants what it wants.
WOODY ALLEN
Chapter 1.
He adored New York City. He idolized it all out of proportion...no, make t...
WOODY ALLEN
Those who can't do, teach. And those who can't teach, teach gym.
WOODY ALLEN
You rely too much on brain. The brain is the most overrated organ.
WOODY ALLEN
Early in life, I was visited by the bluebird of anxiety
WOODY ALLEN
If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.
WOODY ALLEN
That [sex] was the most fun I ever had without laughing.
WOODY ALLEN
I am very attached to this watch. My grandfather sold it to me when he was dying.
WOODY ALLEN
Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
WOODY ALLEN
Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the right man a...
WOODY ALLEN
believe it when I see it.
WOODY ALLEN
All men fear death. It’s a natural fear that consumes us all. We fear death because we feel that w...
WOODY ALLEN
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman...
WOODY ALLEN
I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
WOODY ALLEN
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy ...
WOODY ALLEN
And my parents finally realize that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They rent o...
WOODY ALLEN
I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her.
WOODY ALLEN
I didn't know he was dead; I thought he was British
WOODY ALLEN
The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence...
WOODY ALLEN
All the crap that they tell you about ... getting joy, and having a kind of wisdom in your golden ye...
WOODY ALLEN
Now we're in the final stages. There's a lot of (due diligence) work to be done in the next 120 days...
WOODY ALLEN
There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says...
WOODY ALLEN
In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.
WOODY ALLEN
When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.
WOODY ALLEN
Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's,...
WOODY ALLEN
In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Th...
WOODY ALLEN
In perpetrating a revolution, there are two requirements: someone or something to revolt against and...
WOODY ALLEN
I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final. You know, I looked...
WOODY ALLEN
I am at two with nature.
WOODY ALLEN
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
WOODY ALLEN
Marriage is the death of hope.
WOODY ALLEN
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
WOODY ALLEN
It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is ...
WOODY ALLEN
Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exc...
WOODY ALLEN
A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. An...
WOODY ALLEN
Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
WOODY ALLEN
Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on offi...
WOODY ALLEN
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
WOODY ALLEN
I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.
WOODY ALLEN
How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?
WOODY ALLEN
His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
WOODY ALLEN
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
WOODY ALLEN
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
WOODY ALLEN
The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7", it is impossible to get y...
WOODY ALLEN
Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
WOODY ALLEN
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
WOODY ALLEN
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the bo...
WOODY ALLEN
It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN
Whosoever shall not fall by the sword or by famine, shall fall by pestilence, so why bother shaving?
WOODY ALLEN
Whosover loveth wisdom is righteous, but he that keepeth company with fowl is weird.
WOODY ALLEN
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
WOODY ALLEN
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
WOODY ALLEN
If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
WOODY ALLEN
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my car...
WOODY ALLEN
The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't h...
WOODY ALLEN
I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN
Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any
WOODY ALLEN
sex is simple, love stings afterwards.
WOODY ALLEN
Psychoanalyses is like music lessons, for 5 years you do not notice any progress and suddenly you ca...
WOODY ALLEN
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she would come in and sink my boats.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN
Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty interesting qu...
WOODY ALLEN
Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
WOODY ALLEN
I'm a timid person-I was beaten up by Quakers
WOODY ALLEN
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?
WOODY ALLEN
Life is hard for insects. And don't think mice are having any fun either.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer
WOODY ALLEN
Believing would be easier if God would show himself by depositing a million dollars in a Swiss bank ...
WOODY ALLEN
It is a known secret that organized crime in America takes in over 40 billion dollars a year. This i...
WOODY ALLEN
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and...
WOODY ALLEN
I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and...
WOODY ALLEN
The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only when it's done right.
WOODY ALLEN
The baby is fine, the only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.
WOODY ALLEN
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
WOODY ALLEN
Sex between 2 people is a beautiful thing; between 5 it's fantastic.
WOODY ALLEN
My films are therapy for my debilitating depression. In institutions people weave baskets. I make fi...
WOODY ALLEN
If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.
WOODY ALLEN
My brain? That's my second favorite organ.
WOODY ALLEN
As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to ge...
WOODY ALLEN
Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
WOODY ALLEN
The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won’t get much sleep.
WOODY ALLEN
In my next life I want to live backwards. Start out dead and finish off as an orgasm.
WOODY ALLEN
I believe people ought to mate for life...like pigeons or Catholics.
WOODY ALLEN
Eighty percent of success is just showing up
WOODY ALLEN
Everytime I hear Wagner I feel like invading Poland.
WOODY ALLEN
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
WOODY ALLEN
Recently there has been a lot of controversy between the countries, and I would hope that now the tw...
WOODY ALLEN
I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.
WOODY ALLEN
Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declare...
WOODY ALLEN
If there is reincarnation, I'dd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips.
WOODY ALLEN
The higher the school rating the better off we are in having perspective projects look at our area,
WOODY ALLEN
I think any boycott is wrong, ... Boycotts were exactly what the Germans were doing against the Jews...
WOODY ALLEN
The whole country was tied together by radio. We all experienced the same heroes and comedians and s...
WOODY ALLEN
Cloquet hated reality but realized it was still the only place to get a good steak.
WOODY ALLEN
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday nig...
WOODY ALLEN
I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN
One day about a month ago, I really hit bottom. You know, I just felt that in a Godless universe, I ...
WOODY ALLEN
There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and h...
WOODY ALLEN
To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Th...
WOODY ALLEN
I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
WOODY ALLEN
Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty da...
WOODY ALLEN
He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.
WOODY ALLEN
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
WOODY ALLEN
Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
WOODY ALLEN
I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me.
WOODY ALLEN
Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
WOODY ALLEN
You're born free, then you're taxed to death.
WOODY ALLEN
The decision to decide is a decision in itself.
WOODY ALLEN
If I don't log into Facebook two days in a row, call the police, someone must've kidnapped me!
WOODY ALLEN
Life is divided up into the horrible and the miserable.
WOODY ALLEN
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought -...
WOODY ALLEN
A Bay Area Bisexual told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
WOODY ALLEN
If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe.
WOODY ALLEN
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the ba...
WOODY ALLEN
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
WOODY ALLEN
Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
WOODY ALLEN
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex an...
WOODY ALLEN
Eternity is really long, especially near the end
WOODY ALLEN
I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
WOODY ALLEN
If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take tw...
WOODY ALLEN
It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat...
WOODY ALLEN
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought--...
WOODY ALLEN
I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
WOODY ALLEN
As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to g...
WOODY ALLEN
Death doesn't really worry me that much, I'm not frightened about it... I just don't want to be ther...
WOODY ALLEN
I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife
WOODY ALLEN
My Lord, my Lord! What hast Thou done, lately?
WOODY ALLEN
We were married by a reformed rabbi in Long Island. A very reformed rabbi. A Nazi.
WOODY ALLEN
The only difference between sex and death is, with death you can do it alone and nobody's going to m...
WOODY ALLEN
Tradition is the illusion of permanance.
WOODY ALLEN
My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.
WOODY ALLEN
If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very in...
WOODY ALLEN
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. . . I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN
God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.
WOODY ALLEN
Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declare...
WOODY ALLEN
I am at two with nature
WOODY ALLEN
Everytime I hear Wagner I feel like invading Poland.
WOODY ALLEN
I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.
WOODY ALLEN
All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.
WOODY ALLEN
Probably in retrospect I should have bowed out of that relationship (with Farrow) much earlier than ...
WOODY ALLEN
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.
WOODY ALLEN
Hannah and Her Sisters.
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Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
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The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife -- a depress...
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I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
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Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love
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I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I-I have a tendency to... if I get too mellow,...
WOODY ALLEN
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my car...
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There's nothing like the discovery of an unknown work by a great thinker to set the intellectual com...
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Standing in a garage no more makes you a car than standing in a church makes you a Christian.
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Sex is better than talk...Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex.
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Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
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The Colgate Comedy Hour.
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A "Bay Area Bisexual" told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
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There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem ...
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I feel that life is divided up into the horrible and the miserable
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one of the truly lucky things that happened to me in my life.
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It is clear the future holds great opportunities. It also holds pitfalls. The trick will be to avoid...
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Side Effects Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on the weekend.
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A lion and a lamb can lay toghether, but the lamb will get little sleep.
WOODY ALLEN