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It's a moment you live for. That's why you play the game, but once again, I wasn't thinking about being the big man. I was just trying to do my job, trying to score a run.


Jack Ambrose

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IMPOSTOR n. A rival aspirant to public honors.
AMBROSE BIERCE
DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set.A leaf was ri...
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DIGESTION, n. The conversion of victuals into virtues. When the process is imperfect, vices are evol...
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CONVERSATION, n. A fair to the display of the minor mental commodities, each exhibitor being too int...
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Egotism, n: Doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with a pen.
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PRIMATE, n. The head of a church, especially a State church supported by involuntary contributions. ...
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ARCHBISHOP, n. An ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop.If I were a jolly archbish...
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SCEPTER, n. A king's staff of office, the sign and symbol of his authority. It was originally a mace...
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BLANK-VERSE, n. Unrhymed iambic pentameters --the most difficult kind of English verse to write acce...
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The commanding general publishes, for the information of all concerned, that hereafter all persons f...
AMBROSE BURNSIDE
Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
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DISCRIMINATE, v.i. To note the particulars in which one person or thing is, if possible, more object...
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NOTORIETY, n. The fame of one's competitor for public honors. The kind of renown most accessible and...
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USAGE, n. The First Person of the literary Trinity, the Second and Third being Custom and Convention...
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SENATE, n. A body of elderly gentlemen charged with high duties and misdemeanors.
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RICE-WATER, n. A mystic beverage secretly used by our most popular novelists and poets to regulate t...
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HUMANITY, n. The human race, collectively, exclusive of the anthropoid poets.
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There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.
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MILLENNIUM, n. The period of a thousand years when the lid is to be screwed down, with all reformers...
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Christian: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to t...
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OPTIMIST, n. A proponent of the doctrine that black is white. A pessimist applied to God for relief....
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OPTIMIST, n. A proponent of the doctrine that black is white. A pessimist applied to God for relief.
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Infidel, n. In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one ...
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Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, c...
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In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary, patriotism is defined as the last refuge of a scoundrel. With a...
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LAZINESS, n. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.
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PEDIGREE, n. The known part of the route from an arboreal ancestor with a swim bladder to an urban d...
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ACCUSE, v.t. To affirm another's guilt or unworth; most commonly as a justification of ourselves for...
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EMBALM, v.i. To cheat vegetation by locking up the gases upon which it feeds. By embalming their dea...
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SERIAL, n. A literary work, usually a story that is not true, creeping through several issues of a n...
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ACQUAINTANCE, n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A...
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PANTALOONS, n. A nether habiliment of the adult civilized male. The garment is tubular and unprovide...
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BOUNTY, n. The liberality of one who has much, in permitting one who has nothing to get all that he ...
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EXTINCTION, n. The raw material out of which theology created the future state.
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ROBBER, n. A candid man of affairs. It is related of Voltaire that one night he and some traveling c...
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Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
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The thing is that, not only do you learn so much about being in front of a camera and stuff being on...
DEAN AMBROSE
LUNARIAN, n. An inhabitant of the moon, as distinguished from Lunatic, one whom the moon inhabits. T...
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WINE, n. Fermented grape-juice known to the Women's Christian Union as "liquor," sometimes as "rum."...
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QUORUM, n. A sufficient number of members of a deliberative body to have their own way and their own...
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Land: A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property su...
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ARRAYED, pp. Drawn up and given an orderly disposition, as a rioter hanged to a lamppost.
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PREDILECTION, n. The preparatory stage of disillusion.
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Some people fight fire with fire. I've found water to be more effective.
ADRIANNE AMBROSE
Pitted against hard drinking Christians the abstemious Mahometans go down like grass before the scyt...
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Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
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I am opposed to the wholesale giving away of the public lands to railroad corporations and other lik...
AMBROSE BURNSIDE
Opportunity is a favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.
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Spirit does not exist in just one location; rather it is all encompassing, living within and amongst...
KALA AMBROSE
When you have one kid who is both a pitcher and a catcher, it's difficult because it's such a differ...
DAN AMBROSE
I like, at the end of the night, to be walking back to the locker room limping and sweating, spittin...
DEAN AMBROSE
UGLINESS, n. A gift of the gods to certain women, entailing virtue without humility.
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