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Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Misses (Mrs.) and Mister (Mr.) are the three most distinctly disagreeable words in the language, in sound and sense. Two are corruptions of Mistress, the other of Master. If we must have them, let us be consistent and give one to the unmarried man. I venture to suggest Mush, abbreviated to MH.


Ambrose Bierce

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Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, M...
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AMBROSE BIERCE QUORUM, n. A sufficient number of members of a deliberative body to have their own way and their own...
AMBROSE BIERCE Land: A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property su...
AMBROSE BIERCE ARRAYED, pp. Drawn up and given an orderly disposition, as a rioter hanged to a lamppost.
AMBROSE BIERCE PREDILECTION, n. The preparatory stage of disillusion.
AMBROSE BIERCE Pitted against hard drinking Christians the abstemious Mahometans go down like grass before the scyt...
AMBROSE BIERCE Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
AMBROSE BIERCE Opportunity is a favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.
AMBROSE BIERCE UGLINESS, n. A gift of the gods to certain women, entailing virtue without humility.
AMBROSE BIERCE From the vast, invisible ocean of moonlight overhead fell, here and here, a slender, broken stream t...
AMBROSE BIERCE He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity.
AMBROSE BIERCE You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps.
AMBROSE BIERCE Edible. Good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pi...
AMBROSE BIERCE Consult. To seek another's approval of a course already decided on.
AMBROSE BIERCE They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.
AMBROSE BIERCE Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity.
AMBROSE BIERCE Deliberation. The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
AMBROSE BIERCE PROPHECY, n. The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery.
AMBROSE BIERCE Admiration; is our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
AMBROSE BIERCE Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
AMBROSE BIERCE An optimist is a proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
AMBROSE BIERCE Appeal. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.
AMBROSE BIERCE Wit. The salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.
AMBROSE BIERCE To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.
AMBROSE BIERCE The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
AMBROSE BIERCE Consul. In American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is give...
AMBROSE BIERCE Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscien...
AMBROSE BIERCE The covers of this book are too far apart.
AMBROSE BIERCE The Senate is a body of old men charged with high duties and misdemeanors.
AMBROSE BIERCE To be positive: to be mistaken at the top of one's voice.
AMBROSE BIERCE Censor, n. An officer of certain governments, employed to supress the works of genius. Among the Rom...
AMBROSE BIERCE Genealogy. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his o...
AMBROSE BIERCE Woman absent is woman dead.
AMBROSE BIERCE DIPLOMACY, n. Lying in state, or the patriotic art of lying for one's country.
AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds. Misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
AMBROSE BIERCE YANKEE, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the So...
AMBROSE BIERCE Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy.
AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
AMBROSE BIERCE