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People say, 'I'm going to sleep now,' as if it were nothing. But it's really a bizarre activity. 'For the next several hours, while the sun is gone, I'm going to become unconscious, temporarily losing command over everything I know and understand. When the sun returns, I will resume my life.'

If you didn't know what sleep was, and you had only seen it in a science fiction movie, you would think it was weird and tell all your friends about the movie you'd seen.

They had these people, you know? And they would walk around all day and be OK? And then, once a day, usually after dark, they would lie down on these special platforms and become unconscious. They would stop functioning almost completely, except deep in their minds they would have adventures and experiences that were completely impossible in real life. As they lay there, completely vulnerable to their enemies, their only movements were to occasionally shift from one position to another; or, if one of the 'mind adventures' got too real, they would sit up and scream and be glad they weren't unconscious anymore. Then they would drink a lot of coffee.'

So, next time you see someone sleeping, make believe you're in a science fiction movie. And whisper, 'The creature is regenerating itself.


George Carlin

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People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don...
GEORGE CARLIN
As it stands right now, I lead Richard Pryor in heart attacks, two to one. However, Richard still le...
GEORGE CARLIN
People are wonderful. I love individuals. I hate groups of people. I hate a group of people with a '...
GEORGE CARLIN
Here's an interesting form of murder we came up with: assassination. You know what's interesting abo...
GEORGE CARLIN
You can take and nail two sticks together like they've never been nailed together before and some fo...
GEORGE CARLIN
Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.
GEORGE CARLIN
Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain,
For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the...
GEORGE CARLIN
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
GEORGE CARLIN
The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
GEORGE CARLIN
Some people see things that are and ask, Why?
Some people dream of things that never were and ...
GEORGE CARLIN
Meow” means “woof” in cat.
GEORGE CARLIN
Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.
GEORGE CARLIN
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institution...
GEORGE CARLIN
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
GEORGE CARLIN
The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is
GEORGE CARLIN
I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd, Ky...
GEORGE CARLIN
When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the...
GEORGE CARLIN
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? Th...
GEORGE CARLIN
The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "Y...
GEORGE CARLIN
If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed...
GEORGE CARLIN
As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
GEORGE CARLIN
The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, GEORGE CARLIN Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things
GEORGE CARLIN
When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse
GEORGE CARLIN
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
GEORGE CARLIN
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
GEORGE CARLIN
The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
GEORGE CARLIN
Always do whatever's next.
GEORGE CARLIN
Everyone smiles in the same language.
GEORGE CARLIN
Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the ...
GEORGE CARLIN
The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elect...
GEORGE CARLIN
The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of you...
GEORGE CARLIN
Religion is just mind control
GEORGE CARLIN
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth
GEORGE CARLIN
Everything beeps now
GEORGE CARLIN
I enjoy watching reruns of Saturday Night Live and counting all the dead people
GEORGE CARLIN
When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or ...
GEORGE CARLIN
What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30 years,>Read People Magazine your...
GEORGE CARLIN
Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
GEORGE CARLIN
Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage. I've always written in the long ...
GEORGE CARLIN
If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else
GEORGE CARLIN
I don't vote. Two reasons. First of all it's meaningless; this country was bought and sold a long ti...
GEORGE CARLIN
He had a sort of pain that was fairly evident.
GEORGE CARLIN
Rich White Men Don't Care About Poor Black People
GEORGE CARLIN
You get to play with people's little danger zones.
GEORGE CARLIN
'We hope you enjoy your stay in Chicago or wherever your final destination may be.' All destinations...
GEORGE CARLIN
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
GEORGE CARLIN
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it d...
GEORGE CARLIN
You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans
GEORGE CARLIN