SOPHISTRY, n. The controversial method of an opponent, distinguished from one's own by superior insincerity and fooling. This method is that of the later Sophists, a Grecian sect of philosophers who began by teaching wisdom, prudence, science, art and, in brief, whatever men ought to know, but lost themselves in a maze of quibbles and a fog of words.His bad opponent's "facts" he sweeps away, And drags his sophistry to light of day; Then swears they're pushed to madness who resort To falsehood of so desperate a sort. Not so; like sods upon a dead man's breast, He lies most lightly who the least is pressed. --Polydore Smith
Ambrose Bierce
Related Empathy is the new measurement of everything. It doesn't matter what religion you have, what God you... C. JOYBELL C. You must save what you can of your life; you musn't lose it all simply because you've lost a part. HENRY JAMES She was scarcely a year older than I was, dark-haired, slender, with a face that would break your he... GEORGE R.R. MARTIN Walking the rugged trail of the unknown destiny can be filled with walls crashing and cracks on the ... GARY F EVANS... The scientific method gives us
information by testing and repeating observable things so that we
can... LEWIS N. ROE I am often asked how it is that I am able to value people to such a deep degree. Apparently, I exhib... C. JOYBELL C. The scientific method gives us
information by testing and repeating observable things so that we
can... LEWIS N. ROE I am broken and healing, but every piece of my heart belong to you. SARAH J. MAAS You do what you love, what you need SARAH J. MAAS You are the blood of the dragon. You can make a hat. GEORGE R.R. MARTIN He thinks he'll be remembered as the villain in the story. But I forgot to tell him that the villain... SARAH J. MAAS The issue isn't whether he loved you, it's how much. Too much. Love can be poison SARAH J. MAAS I turned. Rhysand leaned against the archway into the sitting room, arms crossed, wings nowhere... SARAH J. MAAS Hodor," said Hodor. GEORGE R.R. MARTIN She made a fence of phrases, which seemed a treachery to herself. ELIZABETH TAYLOR Night gathers, and now my watch begins. It shall not end until my death. I shall take no wife, hold ... GEORGE R.R. MARTIN As far back as history records people thinking, thinking people
have been befuddled by the mysteries... LEWIS N. ROE I just want silence... nothing less... nothing more. DEYTH BANGER You're still lovely," Mor said a bit gently. Elain offered a half smile. "I suppose that war m... SARAH J. MAAS This is going to take a while. I'm a fantasy author. We have trouble with the concept of brevity. BRANDON SANDERSON We sang the song as children of the mystery that we hoped to one day comprehend and now, at last, we... MISHI MCCOY We die a day at a time BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA Kehidupan perempuan itu sembilan bagian kacau dan satu bagian ajaib, kau akan segera mengetahuinya..... GEORGE R.R. MARTIN We Are All Infinite STEPHEN CHBOSKY You can't just sit there and put everyone's lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love. You ... STEPHEN CHBOSKY There's nothing like the deep breathes after laughing that hard. Nothing in the world like a sore st... STHEPHEN CHBOSKY no more pencils, no more books, no more teachers' dirty looks, when the teacher rings the bell, drop... STEPHEN CHBOSKY So I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. STEPHEN CHBOSKY The school year progressed slowly. I felt as if I had been in the sixth grade for years, yet it was ... LUCY GREALY The norm which the society at large has set today categorically is in the form of preventive measure... HENRIETTA NEWTON MARTIN LEGAL CONSULTANT Jaime smiled knowingly. Men will read all sorts of things into a knowing smile if you let them. GEORGE R.R. MARTIN She wasn't bitter. She was sad, though. But it was a hopeful kind of sad. The kind of sad that just ... STEPHEN CHBOSKY I saw other people there. Old men sitting alone. Young girls with blue eye shadow and awkward jaws. ... STEPHEN CHBOSKY That one moment when you know you are not a sad story. You are ALIVE. STEPHAN CHBOSKY Somos quienes somos por un montón de razones.Quizás nunca conozcamos la mayoría de ellas.Pero aun... STEPHEN CHBOSKY I know these will all be stories some day, and our pictures will become old photographs. We all beco... STEPHEN CHBOSKY I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if... STEPHEN CHBOSKY I love my mom so much. I don't care if that's corny to say. I think on my next birthday, I'm going t... STEPHEN CHBOSKY Ambos dijeron que tomara asiento y parecían hablar en serio, así que me senté. STEPHEN CHBOSKY I can see you have a great deal of water in your personality. Water never waits. It changes shape an... ARTHUR GOLDEN كنت أصمت أذعن لمصيري. أحمل دميتي,أنزع ملابسها, أشد شعره... مليكة مستظرف (All the grief she had suffered over her lifetime had moulded her face into a mask of eternal sadnes... JEAN SASSON I was very grateful to have heard it again. Because I guess we all forget sometimes. And I think eve... STEPHEN CHBOSKY I don't know the significance of this, but I find it very interesting. STEPHEN CHBOSKY Maybe it’s sad that these are now memories. And maybe it’s not sad. STEPHEN CHBOSKY So, I guess we are who we are for alot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even... STEPHEN CHBOSKY So I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybewe'll never know most of them. STEPHEN CHBOSKY A person of value have skill, a vision & a deep desire to achieve what they dream for. Happiness com... DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA To have a pet in the family is to invite good health into your lives.It brings happiness to all and ... GARY F EVANS... The worth of a person’s quote is in his or her heart where it takes the birth and the value of the... ANUJ SOMANY The value of a consultant;An outsider can see what an insider cannot see or has decided to ignore. DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) I'm not saying that I'm better than anyone... I'm just saying that I'm one-of-a-kind. C LIONG A man of guilt acknowledges and changes himself immediately on being hinted slightly about his fault... ANUJ SOMANY It makes you wonder why the human race can be so selfish and self-centered sometimes, when on cold w... GARY F EVANS... A family is like a card game, on one hand, you can get a really bad hand and on the other, your hand... GARY F EVANS... I'm not saying that I'm better than anyone... I'm just saying that I'm one-of-a-kind. C LIONG She was infamous once upon a time. She's legendary now. The girl is a definite force to be reckoned ... REBECCA HARRIS In a world of words, anything is possible... LAURA WRIGHT LAROCHE Noseless and Handless, the Lannister Boys. GEORGE R.R. MARTIN I want to share this bed with you, though," I breathed. "I want you to hold me." Stars flicker... SARAH J. MAAS How lucky I am to have known somebody and something that saying goodbye to is so damned awful. EVANS G. VALENS Plunging in “truths” about God is like walking on the bottom of a sea that is not there, searchi... MARIANA FULGER Plunging in “truths” about God is like walking on the bottom of a sea that is not there, searchi... MARIANA FULGER Each man lives in his own universe and when he dies the world is over BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA it's okay to feel things. And be who you are about them. STEPHEN CHOBOSKY If you play football, then for every goal that you score, ask your self, what is the 'grudge of a li... APURVA GAGLANI I’m caught between trying to live my life, and trying to run from it. STEPHEN CHBOSKY Knowledge causes depression and a lot of pressure. DEYTH BANGER Be yourself and people will like you. JEFF KINNEY The best person I know is Myself. JEFF KINNEY The mightiest power of death is not that it can make people die, but that it can make the people you... FREDRIK BACKMAN Closed eyes, heart not beating, but a living love. AVIS COREA I don't want to be somebody's crush.if somebody likes me, i want them to like the real me, not what ... STEPHEN CHBOSKY Clay in the hands of a good potter suffers so many good turns, but in the end, we see its real and t... ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH I don’t want to start thinking again. Not like I have this last week. I can’t think again. Not e... STEPHEN CHBOSKY It's strange to describe reading a book as a really great experience, but that's kind of how it felt... STEPHEN CHBOSKY All concepts of making a point is another failure of communication. DEYTH BANGER لم يكن بمقدوري سوى الهروب إلى عالمي الخاص: إلى الحلم. أت... مليكة مستظرف Beauty fades, but knowledge is eternal ANDREW FAIRCHILD Fuck you and them... I don't like this rules! DEYTH BANGER Hard to restrain, unstable is this mind; it flits wherever it lists. Good it is to control the mind.... GAUTAMA BUDDHA Language is my whore, my mistress, my wife, my pen-friend, my check-out girl. Language is a complime... STEPHEN FRY When you spend so long trapped in darkness, you find that the darkness begins to stare back. SARAH J. MAAS I was not prey any longer, I decided as I eased up to that door. And I was not a mouse. I ... SARAH J. MAAS Julia poured tea gracefully, but it all ran over into the saucers. ELIZABETH TAYLOR You mistake patience for forbearance. GEORGE R.R. MARTIN I realized that day that blessings come in a variety of shapes, colors, and sizes. CRAIG GROESCHEL Because death is the only thing that could have ever kept him from you. ALLY CARTER My mate. Death incarnate. Night triumphant. SARAH J. MAAS No one was my master— but I might be master of everything, if I wished. If I dared. SARAH J. MAAS I sipped from my wine. "And if he had grabbed me?" There was nothing but uncompromising w... SARAH J. MAAS Aemon’s blind white eyes came open. “Egg?” he said, as the rain streamed down his cheeks. “E... GEORGE R.R. MARTIN I will kill anyone who harms you," Rhys snarled. "I will kill them, and take a damn long time doing ... SARAH J. MAAS But I forgot to tell him,” I said quietly, opening the door, “that the villain is usually the pe... SARAH J. MAAS It appeared to Harriet that she was always the one who remembered having seen other people. They nev... ELIZABETH TAYLOR I was not a pet, not a doll, not an animal. I was a survivor, and I was strong. I would no... SARAH J. MAAS To the people who look at the stars and wish, Rhys." Rhys clinked his glass against mine. “To... SARAH J. MAAS There are different kinds of darkness,” Rhys said. I kept my eyes shut. “There is the darkness t... SARAH J. MAAS Males are horrible creatures, aren’t they? SARAH J. MAAS There you are. I've been looking for you. His first words to me— not a lie at a... SARAH J. MAAS
More Ambrose Bierce
WRATH, n. Anger of a superior quality and degree, appropriate to exalted characters and momentous oc... AMBROSE BIERCE Fidelity - a virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed. AMBROSE BIERCE RECREATION, n. A particular kind of dejection to relieve a general fatigue. AMBROSE BIERCE FUNERAL, n. A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and s... AMBROSE BIERCE ... the instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his coun... AMBROSE BIERCE Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. AMBROSE BIERCE Insurance - an ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfort... AMBROSE BIERCE The small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify we give the name of knowledge. AMBROSE BIERCE Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable. AMBROSE BIERCE Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success. AMBROSE BIERCE The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up. AMBROSE BIERCE Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly. AMBROSE BIERCE Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their ... AMBROSE BIERCE Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head. AMBROSE BIERCE Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking th... AMBROSE BIERCE The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity. AMBROSE BIERCE Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward. AMBROSE BIERCE Acquaintance: a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate ... AMBROSE BIERCE Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly un... AMBROSE BIERCE To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result. AMBROSE BIERCE A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man, who has no gills. AMBROSE BIERCE Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue. AMBROSE BIERCE Politeness -- The most acceptable hypocrisy. AMBROSE BIERCE Laughter -- An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarti... AMBROSE BIERCE Alien. An American sovereign in his probationary state. AMBROSE BIERCE An account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly k... AMBROSE BIERCE Historian. A broad -- gauge gossip. AMBROSE BIERCE Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Mis... AMBROSE BIERCE A funeral is a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker. AMBROSE BIERCE An egotist is a person interested in himself than in me! AMBROSE BIERCE Abscond. To move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another. AMBROSE BIERCE Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their deso... AMBROSE BIERCE A cynic is a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, and not as they ought to be. AMBROSE BIERCE Alliance. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserte... AMBROSE BIERCE A coward is one who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs. AMBROSE BIERCE Compromise. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction o... AMBROSE BIERCE A bride is a woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others. AMBROSE BIERCE ALLIANCE, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply in... AMBROSE BIERCE Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo AMBROSE BIERCE Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscie... AMBROSE BIERCE One who is in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs. AMBROSE BIERCE ZENITH, n. The point in the heavens directly overhead to a man standing or a growing cabbage. A m... AMBROSE BIERCE Dawn: When men of reason go to bed. AMBROSE BIERCE Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic. AMBROSE BIERCE Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head. AMBROSE BIERCE Admiration, n.: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves. AMBROSE BIERCE Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. AMBROSE BIERCE BOUNDARY, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginar... AMBROSE BIERCE Faith, noun. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things ... AMBROSE BIERCE Education, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understa... AMBROSE BIERCE Happiness, noun. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another. AMBROSE BIERCE History, n. An account mostly false, of events unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly... AMBROSE BIERCE Dentist, n.: A Prestidigitator who, putting metal in one's mouth, pulls coins out of one's pockets. AMBROSE BIERCE Cynic, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. AMBROSE BIERCE Income is the natural and rational gauge and measure of respectability. AMBROSE BIERCE Optimism, n. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly. AMBROSE BIERCE Mad, adj: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence. AMBROSE BIERCE INTIMACY, n. A relation into which fools are providentially drawn for their mutual destruction. AMBROSE BIERCE Litigant: a person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bone. AMBROSE BIERCE ZEAL, n. A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goeth b... AMBROSE BIERCE TELEPHONE n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeab... AMBROSE BIERCE Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreea... AMBROSE BIERCE I believe we shall come to care about people less and less. The more people one knows the easier it ... AMBROSE BIERCE PREDICAMENT, n. The wage of consistency. AMBROSE BIERCE ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions. Having received an ultima... AMBROSE BIERCE DIPLOMACY, n. The patriotic art of lying for one's country. AMBROSE BIERCE PORTUGUESE, n.pl. A species of geese indigenous to Portugal. They are mostly without feathers and im... AMBROSE BIERCE Christians and camels receive their burdens kneeling AMBROSE BIERCE Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum - I think that I think, therefore I think that I am. AMBROSE BIERCE CREMONA, n. A high-priced violin made in Connecticut. AMBROSE BIERCE PROVIDENTIAL, adj. Unexpectedly and conspicuously beneficial to the person so describing it. AMBROSE BIERCE BABE or BABY, n. A misshapen creature of no particular age, sex, or condition, chiefly remarkable fo... AMBROSE BIERCE A wedding is a ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothi... AMBROSE BIERCE PROJECTILE, n. The final arbiter in international disputes. Formerly these disputes were settled by ... AMBROSE BIERCE BAAL, n. An old deity formerly much worshiped under various names. As Baal he was popular with the P... AMBROSE BIERCE CARTESIAN, adj. Relating to Descartes, a famous philosopher, author of the celebrated dictum, _Cogit... AMBROSE BIERCE MEEKNESS, n. Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while. M is for Moses,... AMBROSE BIERCE TEETOTALER, n. One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally. AMBROSE BIERCE TEDIUM, n. Ennui, the state or condition of one that is bored. Many fanciful derivations of the word... AMBROSE BIERCE MOLECULE, n. The ultimate, indivisible unit of matter. It is distinguished from the corpuscle, also ... AMBROSE BIERCE FEAST, n. A festival. A religious celebration usually signalized by gluttony and drunkenness, freque... AMBROSE BIERCE Vote: The instrument and symbol of a free man's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his c... AMBROSE BIERCE LOQUACITY, n. A disorder which renders the sufferer unable to curb his tongue when you wish to talk. AMBROSE BIERCE In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to t... AMBROSE BIERCE Advice is the smallest current coin. AMBROSE BIERCE ALDERMAN, n. An ingenious criminal who covers his secret thieving with a pretence of open marauding. AMBROSE BIERCE Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confesse... AMBROSE BIERCE WEATHER, n. The climate of the hour. A permanent topic of conversation among persons whom it does no... AMBROSE BIERCE INDECISION, n. The chief element of success; "for whereas," saith Sir Thomas Brewbold, "there is but... AMBROSE BIERCE LEONINE, adj. Unlike a menagerie lion. Leonine verses are those in which a word in the middle of a l... AMBROSE BIERCE PILLORY, n. A mechanical device for inflicting personal distinction --prototype of the modern newspa... AMBROSE BIERCE APPLAUSE, n. The echo of a platitude. AMBROSE BIERCE WORSHIP, n. Homo Creator's testimony to the sound construction and fine finish of Deus Creatus. A po... AMBROSE BIERCE MISERICORDE, n. A dagger which in mediaeval warfare was used by the foot soldier to remind an unhors... AMBROSE BIERCE ELECTOR, n. One who enjoys the sacred privilege of voting for the man of another man's choice. AMBROSE BIERCE ORPHAN, n. A living person whom death has deprived of the power of filial ingratitude . . . AMBROSE BIERCE ENCOMIAST, n. A special (but not particular) kind of liar. AMBROSE BIERCE TEDIUM, n. Ennui, the state or condition of one that is bored. Many fanciful derivations of the word... AMBROSE BIERCE DEGENERATE, adj. Less conspicuously admirable than one's ancestors. The contemporaries of Homer were... AMBROSE BIERCE ALIEN, n. An American sovereign in his probationary state. AMBROSE BIERCE ASS, n. A public singer with a good voice but no ear. In Virginia City, Nevada, he is called the Was... AMBROSE BIERCE PAST, n. That part of Eternity with some small fraction of which we have a slight and regrettable ac... AMBROSE BIERCE APPETITE, n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question. AMBROSE BIERCE CAABA, n. A large stone presented by the archangel Gabriel to the patriarch Abraham, and preserved a... AMBROSE BIERCE ADOLESCENCE The stage between puberty and adultery. AMBROSE BIERCE CREMONA, n. A high-priced violin made in Connecticut. AMBROSE BIERCE ROPE, n. An obsolescent appliance for reminding assassins that they too are mortal. It is put about ... AMBROSE BIERCE REALISM, n. The art of depicting nature as it is seem by toads. The charm suffusing a landscape pain... AMBROSE BIERCE BAAL, n. An old deity formerly much worshiped under various names. As Baal he was popular with the P... AMBROSE BIERCE HYDRA, n. A kind of animal that the ancients catalogued under many heads. AMBROSE BIERCE FREEDOM, n. Exemption from the stress of authority in a beggarly half dozen of restraint's infinite ... AMBROSE BIERCE MEEKNESS, n. Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while.M is for Moses, Who slew th... AMBROSE BIERCE WIDOW, n. A pathetic figure that the Christian world has agreed to take humorously, although Christ'... AMBROSE BIERCE FRIENDLESS, adj. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth an... AMBROSE BIERCE CONSULT, v.i. To seek another's disapproval of a course already decided on. AMBROSE BIERCE PREDICAMENT, n. The wage of consistency. AMBROSE BIERCE BASILISK, n. The cockatrice. A sort of serpent hatched form the egg of a cock. The basilisk had a ba... AMBROSE BIERCE Strike while your employer has a big contract. AMBROSE BIERCE EDITOR, n. A person who combines the judicial functions of Minos, Rhadamanthus and Aeacus, but is pl... AMBROSE BIERCE COMMONWEALTH, n. An administrative entity operated by an incalculable multitude of political parasit... AMBROSE BIERCE ERUDITION, n. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.So wide his erudition's mighty span, He ... AMBROSE BIERCE PORTUGUESE, n.pl. A species of geese indigenous to Portugal. They are mostly without feathers and im... AMBROSE BIERCE POSTERITY, n. An appellate court which reverses the judgment of a popular author's contemporaries, t... AMBROSE BIERCE ICONOCLAST, n. A breaker of idols, the worshipers whereof are imperfectly gratified by the performan... AMBROSE BIERCE FELON, n. A person of greater enterprise than discretion, who in embracing an opportunity has formed... AMBROSE BIERCE IMPOSTOR n. A rival aspirant to public honors. AMBROSE BIERCE DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set.A leaf was ri... AMBROSE BIERCE DIGESTION, n. The conversion of victuals into virtues. When the process is imperfect, vices are evol... AMBROSE BIERCE CONVERSATION, n. A fair to the display of the minor mental commodities, each exhibitor being too int... AMBROSE BIERCE Egotism, n: Doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with a pen. AMBROSE BIERCE PRIMATE, n. The head of a church, especially a State church supported by involuntary contributions. ... AMBROSE BIERCE ARCHBISHOP, n. An ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop.If I were a jolly archbish... AMBROSE BIERCE SCEPTER, n. A king's staff of office, the sign and symbol of his authority. It was originally a mace... AMBROSE BIERCE BLANK-VERSE, n. Unrhymed iambic pentameters --the most difficult kind of English verse to write acce... AMBROSE BIERCE Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility. AMBROSE BIERCE DISCRIMINATE, v.i. To note the particulars in which one person or thing is, if possible, more object... AMBROSE BIERCE NOTORIETY, n. The fame of one's competitor for public honors. The kind of renown most accessible and... AMBROSE BIERCE USAGE, n. The First Person of the literary Trinity, the Second and Third being Custom and Convention... AMBROSE BIERCE SENATE, n. A body of elderly gentlemen charged with high duties and misdemeanors. AMBROSE BIERCE RICE-WATER, n. A mystic beverage secretly used by our most popular novelists and poets to regulate t... AMBROSE BIERCE HUMANITY, n. The human race, collectively, exclusive of the anthropoid poets. AMBROSE BIERCE There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy. AMBROSE BIERCE MILLENNIUM, n. The period of a thousand years when the lid is to be screwed down, with all reformers... AMBROSE BIERCE Christian: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to t... AMBROSE BIERCE OPTIMIST, n. A proponent of the doctrine that black is white. A pessimist applied to God for relief.... AMBROSE BIERCE OPTIMIST, n. A proponent of the doctrine that black is white. A pessimist applied to God for relief. AMBROSE BIERCE Infidel, n. In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one ... AMBROSE BIERCE Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, c... AMBROSE BIERCE In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary, patriotism is defined as the last refuge of a scoundrel. With a... AMBROSE BIERCE LAZINESS, n. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree. AMBROSE BIERCE PEDIGREE, n. The known part of the route from an arboreal ancestor with a swim bladder to an urban d... AMBROSE BIERCE ACCUSE, v.t. To affirm another's guilt or unworth; most commonly as a justification of ourselves for... AMBROSE BIERCE EMBALM, v.i. To cheat vegetation by locking up the gases upon which it feeds. By embalming their dea... AMBROSE BIERCE SERIAL, n. A literary work, usually a story that is not true, creeping through several issues of a n... AMBROSE BIERCE ACQUAINTANCE, n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A... AMBROSE BIERCE PANTALOONS, n. A nether habiliment of the adult civilized male. The garment is tubular and unprovide... AMBROSE BIERCE BOUNTY, n. The liberality of one who has much, in permitting one who has nothing to get all that he ... AMBROSE BIERCE EXTINCTION, n. The raw material out of which theology created the future state. AMBROSE BIERCE ROBBER, n. A candid man of affairs. It is related of Voltaire that one night he and some traveling c... AMBROSE BIERCE Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion. AMBROSE BIERCE LUNARIAN, n. An inhabitant of the moon, as distinguished from Lunatic, one whom the moon inhabits. T... AMBROSE BIERCE WINE, n. Fermented grape-juice known to the Women's Christian Union as "liquor," sometimes as "rum."... AMBROSE BIERCE QUORUM, n. A sufficient number of members of a deliberative body to have their own way and their own... AMBROSE BIERCE Land: A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property su... AMBROSE BIERCE ARRAYED, pp. Drawn up and given an orderly disposition, as a rioter hanged to a lamppost. AMBROSE BIERCE PREDILECTION, n. The preparatory stage of disillusion. AMBROSE BIERCE Pitted against hard drinking Christians the abstemious Mahometans go down like grass before the scyt... AMBROSE BIERCE Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs. AMBROSE BIERCE Opportunity is a favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment. AMBROSE BIERCE UGLINESS, n. A gift of the gods to certain women, entailing virtue without humility. AMBROSE BIERCE From the vast, invisible ocean of moonlight overhead fell, here and here, a slender, broken stream t... AMBROSE BIERCE He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity. AMBROSE BIERCE You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps. AMBROSE BIERCE Edible. Good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pi... AMBROSE BIERCE Consult. To seek another's approval of a course already decided on. AMBROSE BIERCE They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid. AMBROSE BIERCE Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity. AMBROSE BIERCE Deliberation. The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on. AMBROSE BIERCE PROPHECY, n. The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery. AMBROSE BIERCE Admiration; is our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves. AMBROSE BIERCE Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly. AMBROSE BIERCE An optimist is a proponent of the doctrine that black is white. AMBROSE BIERCE Appeal. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw. AMBROSE BIERCE Wit. The salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out. AMBROSE BIERCE To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense. AMBROSE BIERCE The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling. AMBROSE BIERCE Consul. In American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is give... AMBROSE BIERCE Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscien... AMBROSE BIERCE The covers of this book are too far apart. AMBROSE BIERCE The Senate is a body of old men charged with high duties and misdemeanors. AMBROSE BIERCE To be positive: to be mistaken at the top of one's voice. AMBROSE BIERCE Censor, n. An officer of certain governments, employed to supress the works of genius. Among the Rom... AMBROSE BIERCE Genealogy. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his o... AMBROSE BIERCE Woman absent is woman dead. AMBROSE BIERCE DIPLOMACY, n. Lying in state, or the patriotic art of lying for one's country. AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds. Misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others. AMBROSE BIERCE YANKEE, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the So... AMBROSE BIERCE Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy. AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others. AMBROSE BIERCE