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Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.


Dave Barry

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Dave Barry Turns 50
DAVE BARRY
B is for Breasts Of which ladies have two; Once prized for the function, Now for the view
ROBERT PAUL SMITH
Sleeping is like eating. It is performing a biological function that is required.
STEPHEN SHELDON
I think the primary function of radio is that people want company.
ELISE NORDLING
All human males were as fascinated with cars as they were with breasts.
ANITA CLENNEY
Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: A wo...
RITA RUDNER
Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: ...
RITA RUDNER
The physician's primary responsibility is to the patient, but (doctors) also have a primary responsi...
BRUCE BLEHART
Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have. Make the NOW the primary focus of your life.
ECKHART TOLLE
Realize deeply that the present moment is all you ever have. Make the Now the primary focus of your ...
ECKHART TOLLE
For those scientists who take it seriously, Darwinian evolution has functioned more as a philosophic...
JAMES A. SHAPIRO
What the public needs to understand is that these new technologies, especially in recombinant DNA te...
JEREMY RIFKIN
Few scientists acquainted with the chemistry of biological systems at the molecular level can avoid ...
DONALD CRAM
The chief function of the city is to convert power into form, energy into culture, dead matter into ...
LEWIS MUMFORD
If you don't believe in your product, of if you're not consistent and regular in the way you promote...
JAY LEVINSON
Let us crush these so-called biological clocks that give us nothing but fear, and encourage us to ma...
OSAYI EMOKPAE LASISI
The secret of the demagogue is to make himself as stupid as his audience so that they believe they a...
KARL KRAUS
The primary function of a theater is not to please itself, or even to please its audience. It is to ...
ROBERT BRUSTEIN
The primary goal of a vendor is to make money.
THEO DE RAADT
Sometimes it appears that males believe that their responsibility is to be the provider of sperms an...
ANTHONY ROBERTS
Prediction is not just one of the things your brain does. It is the primary function of the neo-cort...
JEFF HAWKINS
A corporation's primary goal is to make money. Government's primary role is to take a big chunk of t...
LARRY ELLISON
The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitutio...
DAVE BARRY
One could not be a successful scientist without realizing that, in contrast to the popular conceptio...
JAMES D. WATSON
I don't believe in a biological apocalypse, but I think there is stormy biological weather ahead...
RICHARD PRESTON
(Emmert) is a guy that is similar to Dave in a lot of ways. He's a smart, heady player. He's probabl...
JACK JOHNSON
Today is about the now, the moment you live in, so do now what you want to do
SOTONYE ANGA
Based on similar ornaments found in extinct vertebrates, we think the primary function of the crest ...
JAMES CLARK
There is a great deal of probable cause to believe Mr. Burke is a primary suspect.
LINDA BOWMAN
Felicity, the companion of content, is rather found in our own breasts than in the enjoyment of exte...
DANIEL BOONE
Enduring hardship is a function that you believe in God who has sent you to that sphere of life
SUNDAY ADELAJA
Our life is a series of moments. Let them all go. Moments. All gathering towards this one.
NOW IS GOOD
We've seen growing respect for NGOs' impartiality, which is a function of a long-term trend of peopl...
PETER HARDSTAFF
In Darwin's time all of biology was a black box: not only the cell, or the eye, or digestion, or...
MICHAEL BEHE
That weighs on people's mind, and I think Dave thought about it and said, 'I'm going to make a chang...
CRAIG CONROY
This was the landing that Dave did not get to make.
DOROTHY BROWN
The function of art is to make that understood which in the form of argument would be incomprehensib...
CONSTANTIN BRANCUSI
We want to make sure that our scientists can speak freely. We cannot afford to have these scientists...
JENNY MACKLIN
Now surely they fold up their breasts that they may conceal (their enmity) from Him; now surely, whe...
QURAN
Nine out of ten males will believe anything, especially if it confirms their virility
ANDREA MARTIN
Some scientists believe climate change is the cause of unprecedented melting of the North Pole, and ...
DALAI LAMA
All basic scientists who look to the NCI for funding should know that I will tolerate no retreat on ...
HAROLD E. VARMUS
I believe the true function of age is memory. I'm recording as fast as I can.
RITA MAE BROWN
Some people believe greatness is a function of color, race or background. No, that is not true at al...
SUNDAY ADELAJA
The function of the imagination is not to make strange things settled, so much as to make settled th...
G. K. CHESTERTON
My first encounter with a Kelly was not on a musical scale. It was from primary school. Dave and I w...
WAYNE WONDER
I believe the true function of age is memory. I'm recording as fast as I can.
RITA MAE BROWN
The function of the imagination is not to make strange things settled, so much as to make settled...
G. K. CHESTERTON
Personally, I believe that government, rather than money, tends to be the primary factor limiting th...
CHARLES PLATT
The stupid believe that to be truthful is easy; only the artist, the great artist, knows how difficu...
WILLA SIBERT CATHER
The stupid believe that to be truthful is easy; only the artist, the great artist, knows how difficu...
WILLA CATHER
The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable.
JOHN KENNETH GALBRAITH
It’s ironic that as scientists that don’t believe in god, were the ones that are closest to god.
HIROMU ARAKAWA
To make us feel small in the right way is a function of art.
E.M. FORSTER
Dave always said, very clearly, that if anything ever happened to him, he wanted the program to go o...
DOROTHY BROWN
The creek has always been the primary source of flooding over the years. That's why we're trying to ...
JACK FRANZIL
It has been said that love is a function of communication. I believe that to be true. I believe, by ...
DAN PALLOTTA
Women are always complaining about men's fascination with breasts. But what if men were absolute...
JONATHAN CARROLL
The function of Make Someone Happy is to collect and distribute Christmas gifts for children.
LINDY CREWS
The genius of you Americans is that you never make clear-cut stupid moves, only complicated stupid...
GAMAL ABDEL NASSER
The genius of you Americans is that you never make clear-cut stupid moves, only complicated stupid m...
GAMEL ABDEL NASSER
There's even a couple of players from the 1950 Lou Ball (clothing store) junior B team. We hoping to...
BRUCE HUFF
because of the history of race in this country, and because historically, black males, Hispanic male...
FRANKIE BAILEY
Scientists and supercomputers have amplified our ability to look ahead. For decades, experts have wa...
DAVID SUZUKI
A primary function of art and thought is to liberate the individual from the tyranny of his culture ...
LIONEL TRILLING
And so I'm stupid for thinking they might be useful. Because of something Johanna Mason said while s...
SUZANNE COLLINS
A primary function of art and thought is to liberate the individual from the tyranny of his culture ...
BEVERLY SILLS
The next major explosion is going to be when genetics and computers come together. I'm talking about...
ALVIN TOFFLER
I believe that one key to success is to accept truth, no matter how it's spoken.
ROBERT KIYOSAKI
The next major explosion is going to be when genetics and computers come together. I'm talking a...
ALVIN TOFFLER
To look for bin Laden now is as useful as detaining nuclear scientists after the creation of the ato...
ROBERT FISK
The genius of you Americans is that you never make clear-cut stupid moves, only complicated stupid m...
GAMAL ABDEL NASSER
Gentlemen, let us suppose that man is not stupid. (Indeed one cannot refuse to suppose that, if only...
FYODOR DOSTOYEVSKY
Our primary mission right now is the prevention of terrorist activity,
ED COGSWELL
Now, the essence, the very spirit of Christmas is that we first make believe a thing is so, and lo, ...
STEPHEN LEACOCK
Now, the essence, the very spirit of Christmas is that we first make believe a thing is so, and lo, ...
STEPHEN LEACOCK
The function of the press in society is to inform, but its role in society is to make money.
A. J. LIEBLING
It is common to seek perfection, but it is stupid to believe that you will ever reach it.
VITALI ZVEREV
The primary trade routes are now global,
ANDREW MCKENNA
Circumcision is one of the Sunnahs of the fitrah, and it is for both males and females, except that ...
ATAAWA AL-LAJNAH AL-DAA’IMAH
Food Allergies Are Not Due to Food, Rather Are Due to the Constant Contamination of That Food That Y...
THEHEALTHFOODGURU
Some ideas are so stupid that only intellectuals believe them.
GEORGE ORWELL
Food Allergies Are Not Due to Food, Rather Are Due to the Constant Contamination of That Food That Y...
THEHEALTHFOODGURU
It is the nature of ambition to make men liars and cheats, to hide the truth in their breasts, and s...
SALLUST
We believe there is a strong commitment at the highest levels of government, now we need to make it ...
MICHAEL DELL
The male function is to produce sperm. We now have sperm banks.
VALERIE SOLANIS
The city's primary objective is to get a second recycling center ... that would make for a more comp...
STEVE ATKINS
Our society is a machine - in that it has a function - and that function is to feed the needs of the...
DEDRICK D. L. PITTER
This would essentially make the drawing of districts a judicial function. The Governor does not feel...
RUSSELL SCHWEISS
The male function is to produce sperm. We now have sperm banks.
VALERIE SOLANAS
A corporation's primary goal is to make money. Government's primary role is to take a big ch...
LARRY ELLISON
The male function is to produce sperm. We now have sperm banks.
VALERIE SOLANAS
As artists, our primary function is not to be educators - but we are at a time in history, where for...
DAVID OYELOWO
Creation 'scientists' must be aware that the informed workers in literary interpretation and in phys...
KEN CAMPBELL
I'm not thinking about Barry right now. I've answered those questions.
HANK AARON
More and more I find I want to be living in a Big Here and a Long Now.
BRIAN ENO
We are disappointed and surprised that Dave Jones would choose to make disparaging comments regardin...
JEZ MOXEY
I believe consistency and orthogonality are tools of design, not the primary goal in design.
YUKIHIRO MATSUMOTO
The primary function of myth is to validate an existing social order. Myth enshrines conservative so...
ANN OAKLEY
My primary thing is to make a painting, not necessarily to make a painting to sell for gazillions of...
ERIC FISCHL

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But Nebraska was not always a bed of roses. When the first settlers arrived, they found a harsh, unf...
DAVE BARRY
I love the Olympics, because they enable people from all over the world to come together and--regard...
DAVE BARRY
Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling y...
DAVE BARRY
We don't shoot somebody soon, I'm gonna forget how
DAVE BARRY
Call me a proud American, if you want, but I truly believe that no other nation on Earth possesses t...
DAVE BARRY
Your hand and your mouth agreed many years ago that, as far as chocolate is concerned, there is no n...
DAVE BARRY
Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions...
DAVE BARRY
Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be att...
DAVE BARRY
To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.
DAVE BARRY
Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.
DAVE BARRY
Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who re...
DAVE BARRY
I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.
DAVE BARRY
You had me at "We'll make it look like an accident."
DAVE BARRY
I'd take a nerf bullet for you.
DAVE BARRY
The obvious and fair solution to the housework problem is to let men do the housework for, say, the ...
DAVE BARRY
Democracy: In which you say what you like and do what you're told.
DAVE BARRY
The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they...
DAVE BARRY
A thunderstorm is God's way of saying you spend too much time in front of the computer
DAVE BARRY
The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning "ability to," and bics, meaning "withst...
DAVE BARRY
My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.
DAVE BARRY
Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should aris...
DAVE BARRY
We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless y...
DAVE BARRY
The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious pe...
DAVE BARRY
New York Taxi Rules:1. Driver speaks no English.2. Driver just got here two days ago from someplace ...
DAVE BARRY
Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.
DAVE BARRY
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with th...
DAVE BARRY
We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this i...
DAVE BARRY
What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.
DAVE BARRY
If you asked me to name the three scariest threats facing the human race, I would give the same answ...
DAVE BARRY
And, of course, you have the commercials where savvy businesspeople Get Ahead by using their MacInto...
DAVE BARRY
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to...
DAVE BARRY
The IRS spends God knows how much of your tax money on these toll-free information hot lines staffed...
DAVE BARRY
Magnetism is one of the Six Fundamental Forces of the Universe, with the other five being Gravity, D...
DAVE BARRY
While you are destroying your mind watching the worthless, brain-rotting drivel on TV, we on the Int...
DAVE BARRY
Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
DAVE BARRY
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another perso...
DAVE BARRY