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She gave me money to buy condoms, and instead I bought a book of baby names. That’s life. That’s love. That’s fiscally irresponsible.



Dark Jar Tin Zoo

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I make love like never, only less often.

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DARK JAR TIN ZOO
Love is bread and water to the soul. My relationships are quite soggy.

DARK JAR TIN ZOO

More Dark Jar Tin Zoo

She told me she loved me. She told me a lot of things. Some of those things were true, and some of t...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO
I am the Trolley of Love. Free rides before noon and after 11:58 am!

DARK JAR TIN ZOO
If I could bronze my love, it’d be worthy of a silver medal.

DARK JAR TIN ZOO
I unwrapped my love for her like one might unwrap leftovers. Gotta eat up the old stuff first, as a ...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO
We made love like green is blue. That’s because we were only half into it, though for the record I...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO
I had a dream about you. In my dream I stole all your money, kidnapped your parents, and mailed you ...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO
I had a dream about you. You looked like you, but you also looked like a mannequin. And I looked lik...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO
I make love with a focus and intensity that most people reserve for sleep.
DARK JAR TIN ZOO
Making love to me is amazing. Wait, I meant: making love, to me, is amazing. The absence of two litt...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO
I make love like never, only less often.

DARK JAR TIN ZOO
The only time I drink milk is when I drink coffee. I make love the same way—contributing 2% as I j...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO
I'm a dog lover and sex addict. Those two things are unrelated.

DARK JAR TIN ZOO
To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my m...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO
I had a dream about you. We installed Dr. Robert Jarvik’s artificial heart in a mannequin and brou...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO
Love is like encountering a forest and having to chop down every tree but one. Oh, and you have to c...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO
Love is inaudible—until you hear it. And once you do, you’ll never forget the sound of her voice...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO
We had an unspoken love for one another. Probably because she’d never talk to me or return my phon...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO
I am in love, and the river is beginning to ice over. I’d better go drown myself before I freeze t...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO
I had a dream about you. At first you were a mannequin, and I was a fashion designer. Then, inexplic...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO
She asked if I loved another woman, so I answered honestly and said, “Dinner was great, but I coul...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO
Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer.

DARK JAR TIN ZOO
I love being in love, but I also love other things, like not being jealous, overly sensitive, or nee...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO
If you have the woman you love, what more do you need? Well, besides an alibi for the time of her hu...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO
Love is bread and water to the soul. My relationships are quite soggy.

DARK JAR TIN ZOO
Love is meant to be sipped, rather than chugged, like a glass of wine you drink strait from the bott...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO
I love full on, like 65 mph in a handicapped parking spot.

DARK JAR TIN ZOO
We made love like a half a minute. I brought the thirty seconds, and she provided the excuse as to w...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO
I make love like a snake disguised as an elephant and a donkey. But I mustn’t talk about sexual co...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO
Love is the point where Yes meets Yesterday, and that's why I put the No in Now.

DARK JAR TIN ZOO
I love like I’m thirsty. Can I offer you a tall glass of Sahara sand?

DARK JAR TIN ZOO
In bed, I can go for hours. Oh yes, I love naps.

DARK JAR TIN ZOO
Let me be clear: I don’t want to make love to a mannequin—I want to make love like a mannequin. ...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO
I love that she loves me a 10, on a 5-point scale. Well, I know it’s a 5-point scale, though I ask...
DARK JAR TIN ZOO
There'll be a man on the moon before Gaylord Perry hits a home run.
ALVIN DARK
In this game of baseball, you live by the sword and die by it. You hit and get hit. Remember that.
ALVIN DARK
A manager doesn't hear the cheers.
ALVIN DARK
The Giants were supposed to have a new motto, 'Shut up and deal.'
ALVIN DARK
Never expect anything less than devotion from someone who has claim on your heart.
DANNIKA DARK
A man should be more original than a bouquet of roses and a box of chocolates. Flowers die and sugar...
DANNIKA DARK
I’m just more honest than everyone else. I don’t wait for the damage to come to me. I go out and...
AUBREY DARK
Now I know I've got a heart, because it's breaking.
TIN WOODSMAN
At first, it seemed nothing, but it became as if you are being hit by a hammer. Three hours later, I...
TIN OO
The writers want to know were you made your mistake, no how well your curve is breaking.
ALVIN DARK
Slow thinkers are part of the game too. Some of these slow thinkers can hit a ball a long way.
ALVIN DARK
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DANNIKA DARK
Nothing is forever. Except atoms.
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It took me two years to give him all of my heart, and he threw it away in one night.
DANNIKA DARK
Where did you meet?” he pressed on.
I shrugged and considered a little rephrasing. “I was o...
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AUBREY DARK
Friendships are forgotten when the game begins.
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Women were gravitating towards him from all directions like a planetary orbit.
(Zoe on meeting ...
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Every person you meet in your life is your destiny. We alter the course of every life we touch, whet...
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As it so happens, I like your mouth."

"It doesn't -- "

"Challenge me?" He set ...
DANNIKA DARK
So, what can I do?” I asked.

“Annoy?”

I gave him a hurt look.

DANNIKA DARK
Don't pursue something with a vengeful heart, or it will destroy you. Hate wraps a cold hand around ...
DANNIKA DARK
Now I know I've got a heart, because it's breaking.
TIN WOODSMAN
Any pitcher who throws at a batter and deliberately tries to hit him is a communist.
ALVIN DARK
Every player should be accorded the privilege of at least one season with the Chicago Cubs. That'...
ALVIN DARK
A manager doesn't hear the cheers.
ALVIN DARK
A fellow has to have faith in God above and Rollie Fingers in the bullpen.
ALVIN DARK
The Lord taught me to love everybody, but the last ones I learned to love were the sportswriters.
ALVIN DARK
I clung to each word that fell from his lips like a spider to a web.
DANNIKA DARK
Because I know it in my bones. You are the only female I desire, the only water that will quench my ...
DANNIKA DARK
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You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.
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