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That's the funny thing about religion: it doesn't matter what you say, you're going to upset someone.


Lewis Black

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HEATHER MONTANO
What use is revelation or religion if it doesnt change anything?
ABU BAKAR BASHIR
If it's about what I like, I like opera as a music and deathstep and dubstep.
DEYTH BANGER
I want Jesus to come back and say 'THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT'" -
MARGARET CHO
When you write about faith, people will be upset with you no matter what. I've heard from reader...
RAE CARSON
That's the funny thing – no one really knows who's going to enforce this. No one's said here's what...
DAVE NELSON
I have to accept the fact that, no matter what I do, it's going to annoy someone.
NATHAN LANE
it doesnt matter how slow you go, as long as you dont stop
ELIN
That's the funny thing – no one really knows who's going to enforce this. No one's said here's wha...
DAVE NELSON
It's funny when people say, 'I don't think Julia likes me.' Honey, if I don't like you, you're going...
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Fashion is a funny thing to talk about. I think what you wear is definitely an extension of you, but...
TESSA THOMPSON
It doesn't matter what i think, how i feel, or where i see going. It only matter how you seem to tak...
IJIRASHIIJACK
I find a lot of things kind of funny and I often say what's on my mind, and then get nine texts ...
KATE BECKINSALE
Do you think I’ll ever get better at this? That my heart might someday stop trying to jump out of ...
STEPHENIE MEYER
It doesn't matter what i think, how i feel, or where i see going. It only matter how you seem to tak...
IJIRASHIIJACK
I hate to say it but I hate black humor. I feel like a Klan member saying it, but it's just not ...
ISSA RAE
The thing about me is, I don't care what religion you are. If someone is attacking your religion...
KIRSTIE ALLEY
No matter what you think, no matter what you say, I will love you always.
JAYSON ENGAY
It doesn't matter what people say about me, I weather the storm.
TERRELL OWENS
Being a humorist is not a voluntary thing. You can tell this because in a situation where saying a f...
P. J. O'ROURKE
I will always remenber the old days,doesnt matter how brilliant the future is, i will always remenbe...
RAJA
I looked into a black hole today...I said ' Yes!! thats where I belong', the black hole said ' you b...
AMANDA THORP
Thats what a ship is, you know. Its not a keel and a hull and a deck and sails. Thats what a ship ne...
JOHNNY DEPP
I just say what I think is the funniest thing I could say. I'm not trying to make headlines. I&#...
AMY SCHUMER
I'm a normal person. You say something about me, I'm going to say something back, funny or n...
AUSTIN SEFERIAN-JENKINS
I'm going to go to school. It doesn't matter what the outcome is as long as I did it. I can say I di...
TATYANA ALI
At the very least, people are re-discovering some great stories, listening with modern minds, and di...
JOSH BERNSTEIN
I try not to read the blogs or what people say about me. Because that's what brings everybody do...
VANESSA HUDGENS
I have good idea, for if you meet some person from different religion and he want to make argument a...
ELIZABETH GILBERT
Dont force noone to see your worth, it doesnt matter how much you love them, love yourself first, ev...
JHERRERA
They say if you wanted to talk to someone, you would of.. no matter what. But if that someone wanted...
CADIR LAMPE
They say if you wanted to talk to someone, you would of.. no matter what. But if that someone wanted...
CADIR LAMPE
People want me to be funny all the time. They think I'm being funny no matter what I say or do a...
CHRISTOPHER GUEST
You can say whatever you want about me, I'm not really bothered. But when it starts to upset peo...
ZAYN MALIK
With the Black Lives Matter movement, a lot of the focus is on the protest and dissent. I'm hopi...
AVA DUVERNAY
I just wanted someone to say 'you know, that looks like a fun place to be' because that's what I thi...
TONY BLAKE
Here's the funny thing about the world coming to an end. Once it gets going, it doesn't seem to stop...
SUSAN BETH PFEFFER
My parents would always say, 'It doesnt' matter if it's a guy picking up the garbage or ...
DAN MARINO
I don't really talk about my personal life. It's a strange and funny and weird thing. Someti...
TRACEE ELLIS ROSS
It doesnt matter how good you are,if you re a champion,good will never be enough!
RAJA
Nothing's going to change if you're just thinking about it. No matter how much you worry about someo...
INIO ASANO
no matter if you try to be funny, there will always be someone to kick you down. so not fair
MIKE GRIST
no matter if you try to be funny, there will always be someone to kick you down. so not fair
MIKE GRIST
Never say i m bored because its not your life thats boring its all you that make it boring!
SUPERNA BATHEJA
It's funny when people say, 'I don't think Julia likes me.' Honey, if I don't li...
JULIA ROBERTS
I'd say Jon Stewart has remained funny the entire time. Jon always makes it funny first. And he&...
NORM MACDONALD
I have to say, if someone literally said to me, 'You're going off to a desert island, what i...
DREW BARRYMORE
It's funny, because when I came here, something made me think about what it was going to feel like g...
BOBBY HOLIK
Personally, when things upset me, I get quiet and closed off. I have nothing to say, and a chill set...
FREDDIE PRINZE, JR.
It was never about the money. To me, I've won what I wanted to win. Now it's actually proved that sh...
RUTH IRENE GARRETT
If it doesnt help, I damned sure dont know what will.
JACK MOORE
I wanted to be Amish when I was a kid. You just wear black and white - what could be better? One les...
ANDERSON COOPER
My plays are talky; I say shut up and listen. They are about black men talking, and in American soci...
AUGUST WILSON
if you love someone,you did not think if it was right...all you know was you love the person so much...
VERONICA LAPPAY
Black or white.. Doesn't matter, what matter most is what you have to offer to the world.
OLASOT
I think your tendency when you play yourself is to accentuate something about you that you think is ...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA
The funny thing about television is that once you start to do it you never get time to watch it.
KEVIN SORBO
The thing about improvisation is that it's not about what you say. It's listening to what ot...
PAUL MERTON
The truth of the matter is, I am a black woman, and I am an actor. I don't try to get caught up ...
CONDOLA RASHAD
I know what she is upset about. You go out there.
JULIE TOVEY
I was at a point where I was ready to say I am what I am because of what I am and if you like me I'm...
ANNE BANCROFT
Laughter heals all wounds, and that's one thing that everybody shares. No matter what you're...
KEVIN HART
I, um, I have this problem. I broke up with my boyfriend, you see. And I'm pretty upset about it, so...
JODI PICOULT
When people ask me what my religion is, I say it's the Arsenal.
MARCUS DU SAUTOY
Lewis Black taught me stand-up.
NATE CORDDRY
The way black women say "girl" can be magical. Frankly, I have no solid beliefs about the survival o...
ABIGAIL PADGETT
It doesn't really matter what place you are. I think he'll look back on this, when he's not so upset...
TOM ARLIS
When people ask me about being portrayed onscreen by Leonardo DiCaprio, I always say, 'I love it...
FRANK ABAGNALE
You're not going to say anything about me that I'm not going to say about myself. There'...
EMINEM
What I always say is that we're the illegitimate children of Andy Kaufman and Jerry Lewis.
KEVIN MCDONALD
The great thing about us is it doesn't matter who you expect to step up. There's always someone else...
DALE REED
I spent seven months in Africa and came back saying there isn't anything you can say about black peo...
LARRY RIVERS
Dont try to go too fast. Learn your job. Dont ever talk until you know what youre talking about. If ...
SAM RAYBURN
I spent seven months in Africa and came back saying there isn't anything you can say about black...
LARRY RIVERS
Some people say funny things, but I say things funny.
DON RICKLES
When you send someone a card, you're saying... I care about you and that you matter to me.
LORRIN L. LEE
today is over. thats what it seems but is alright i will see you in my dreams
CHRIS MACHADO
One thing I cannot understand - and people are probably going to be upset about this - is why local ...
LAWRENCE M. KRAUSS
I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anythin...
DON RICKLES
Chemistry's a funny thing. It can be instantaneous, but it helps when you know someone.
DAVID WALTON
You don't want to aggravate (the hand). It's just a matter of letting it settle down. I think he'll ...
MIKE KITCHEN
I'm still a person, a human being, no matter what religion I am.
T-PAIN
Someone will always hate what I say. There's always going to be somebody spitting blood about my...
BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH
You can always say that it was scarce dollars when Lewis and Clark wanted to go to the West Coast an...
JOHN GLENN
Tell your story to the universe and Let your actions speak LOVE.' No matter what it is.
NAPZ CHERUB PELLAZO
I have no idea about this thing. I cannot comment or help you in this matter.
ABDUL HAQ
No matter what happens, or what someone says, it will not change WHO I AM.
CASEY
If you care about someone enough, you’ll always be there for them no matter what.
ROY T. BENNETT
It's tough to put it into words, but I know we battled, we battled as a team. The one thing I do kno...
DANIEL HORTON
When you grow up, you gain experience and realise what youre capable of.
FRANCESCO TOTTI
"Fashion is about good energy. Its about feelings. Thats what I have to give the people, good energy...
ADRIANA LIMA
I always SAY and DO the RIGHT thing regardless of what others think and say about what I say and do.
LORRIN L. LEE
It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.
W. SOMERSET MAUGHAM
The thing I hate most in acting is asking permission to do things. What you really want to do is say...
LANCE HENRIKSEN
It is what it is, it is what you make it.
JAMES DURBIN
One thing you gotta know about me is I have absolutely no filter. I have no problem saying what the ...
KOBE BRYANT
It is a very funny thing that the sleepier you are, the longer you take about getting to bed.
C.S. LEWIS

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We are all shitty little snowflakes dancing in the universe.
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Just relax and breathe through your ass.
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I like indoor Christmas trees. And I like people who decorate their homes with lights and all that c...
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Basically I wake up in the morning and I think everything's going to be great. I'm really ki...
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All food is comfort food. Maybe I just like to chew.
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And I know this happens because I took economics, and I'd explain it to yea' - but I flunked that co...
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What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holida...
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When from behind me, a young woman of 25 uttered the following, it was the dumbest thing I have ever...
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When people come to my act any time after Thanksgiving, I usually say, You shouldn't be here. Yo...
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One thing I know about the rich, being rich, is that you can take money from me and tomorrow, I'...
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What makes it difficult for people trying to follow a dream is that the whole time you feel like you...
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If you really think there's a Santa, why don't you sit on the front steps all night in the freezing ...
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If you yell about one woman, you're not a misogynist. If I yell about Michelle Bachman, that doe...
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If you listen to a song and get an image in your head, and then you go home and watch mtv and the im...
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Now I must leave you as you enter the world that is Fuck. You are fucking lucky to be here. It's alm...
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Grandfather, Great Spirit, once more behold me on earth and lean to hear my feeble voice.
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So you'll teach me?" Val asked.

Ravus nodded agin. "I will make you as terrible as you de...
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It is the paradox of life that the way to miss pleasure is to seek it first. The very first conditio...
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Sometimes dreams are wiser than waking.
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I can learn to live with guilt. I don't care about being good.
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I've been invited to do a trio with a fantastic jazz guitarist and a harmonica player.
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I love playing strong women, even if they're nuts.
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If you can write it, I can be it.
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No one could seriously dispute that almost all of sub-Saharan Africa, all of North Africa except Mor...
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I revise a lot while I'm drafting, often going back to the beginning again and again to revise b...
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Watergate enabled the Democrats to cut off all aid to South Vietnam and ensure American defeat in a ...
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For some artists the live performance is the chicken before the egg of writing or recording of reper...
FRANK BLACK
The Framers [of the Constitution] knew that free speech is the friend of change and revolution. But ...
HUGO BLACK
I feel that I'm at my best as a person and that I'm coming home when I walk on to a set, or on to a ...
CLAUDIA BLACK
One of the difficulties of not knowing for so long whether we were doing a fifth season or not was t...
CLAUDIA BLACK
I think fees are going away.
BRIAN BLACK
Walter Cronkite was a personally decent and convivial man, who literally couldn't kill a fly, wa...
CONRAD BLACK
It was great to see him step up and make pitches.
BUD BLACK
I don't think these guys lose confidence. You'll find very few major league players lose confidence....
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He has to continue to get over the little hurdles that are going to make him a big-league pitcher. I...
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Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the governme...
HUGO BLACK
A union of government and religion tends to destroy government and degrade religion.
HUGO BLACK
He gave her a smile that wasn’t really a smile at all. “Eh, it wouldn’t be so bad. I wouldn’...
HOLLY BLACK
In my view, far from deserving condemnation for their courageous reporting, the New York Times, the ...
HUGO BLACK
I really love the idea of the poetically mad - the character that is imbued with the romantic madnes...
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We're here tonight to remember one of the heroes of the Scottish culture, ... Cmdr. Montgomery Scott...
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It was a very tough region, very tough competition and a very good golf course.
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We're not going to go into mom and dad's kitchen, but we certainly shouldn't be having coaches promo...
ROGER BLACK
The average Ph.D. thesis is nothing but a transference of bones from one graveyard to another.
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Criticism of government finds sanctuary in several portions of the 1st Amendment. It is part of the ...
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I think Alan just wants to say that the treatment from Liverpool and all the Manchester United staff...
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Alan said when you look down and see your foot in that sort of condition your priorities suddenly go...
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It's likely these new-to-wireless people might be lower income, and pre-paid might actually be perfe...
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From a Salt Lake standpoint right now, you guys have gotten a number of new flights over the past ca...
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Misogynist is a word used by women about men who are able to describe women directly and accurately ...
ROBERT BLACK
People said that video games were bad because they made you numb to death, made you register entrail...
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We're replacing two vans about 10 years old and (with) a ton of mileage, and one or the other has be...
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Also, as I lay there thinking of my vision, I could see it all again and feel the meaning with a par...
BLACK ELK
A good nation I will make live.
BLACK ELK
I intend to keep writing Christmas songs. There's still a lot more about Christmas that can be captu...
CLINT BLACK
This was a magnificent company that the people who have seized it and used it as a platform from whi...
CONRAD BLACK
Yeah, the whole family knows. It's no big deal. One night at dinner I said, 'Mom, you know the forbi...
HOLLY BLACK
Are you ready to have your mind blown apart by the most awesome show in the universe. ... Tonight is...
JACK BLACK
The freeze in '89 killed them all graveyard dead.
DAVE BLACK
I feel that I'm at my best as a person and that I'm coming home when I walk on to a set, or on to a ...
CLAUDIA BLACK
My boyfriend's idea of a lesson was to take me on a black diamond run in the middle of a hail storm ...
CLAUDIA BLACK
led to complete subversion of the blacks by the whites.
BLACK PANTHER
money solves all your problems. don't make money your problem
RAYAN BLACK
I wanted to be the perfect artist. I'd do three hours of media interviews a day, going to every radi...
CLINT BLACK
Some people are stupid. so stupid, like real morons. But look, that's not against the Law
RAYAN BLACK
We believe trial judges confronted with disruptive, contumacious, stubbornly defiant defendants must...
HUGO BLACK
I wanted to be in love like in the storybooks and songs and ballads. Love that hits you like a light...
HOLLY BLACK
Down a path worn into the woods, past a stream and a hollowed-out log full of pill bugs and termites...
HOLLY BLACK
It's sour grapes, I admit, I want to be more famous so people are examining my work couplet by c...
FRANK BLACK
The flagrant disregard in the courtroom of elementary standards of proper conduct should not and can...
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Although the troops have struck us, we throw it all behind and are glad to meet you in peace and fri...
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I've never been one to throw clubs, break clubs, or use bad language on the golf course. I'v...
LUCAS BLACK
Bundled services platforms enable banks to strengthen their roles as lenders and create a sophistica...
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Every mobile-home park not zoned mobile home is more vulnerable to redevelopment than one that is zo...
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At the September council meeting a fifth officer was approved. Since that meeting, the department ha...
DON BLACK
Once, there was a girl who vowed she would save everyone in the world, but forgot herself.
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The argument of socialists, that people really want to share, beyond a reasonable level of charity, ...
CONRAD BLACK
Writing scripts is a laborious job that can be a real pain.
SHANE BLACK
fate is unavoidable. but it works at a certain speed and according to a time schedule. remember that
RAYAN BLACK
Oh- and grab the plastic bag over by my suitcase."
I slug down the last of the coffee and get u...
HOLLY BLACK
The truth is messy. It's raw and uncomfortable. You can't blame people for preferring lies.
HOLLY BLACK
the
greatest threat to the internal security of the country.
BLACK PANTHER
We are politically realistic and realize a bill would not pass. We just don't feel a constitutional ...
STEVEN BLACK
Let her alone,' said the enkanto, 'or I will curse you blind, lame, and worse.'
The old man lau...
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I don't feel prolific. I feel like I'm plodding along. Each day you sit down, and you hope t...
HOLLY BLACK
I am not very good at sticking to outlines, and I double back all the time to revisit scenes and cha...
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But I think I have done right to save the vision in this way, even though I may die sooner because I...
BLACK ELK
The nicest thing about coming of age is that I can do whatever I like.
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I can't tap into the naive, spastic playing that you do when you're young, although we occasionally ...
FRANK BLACK
The difference in lung function between the highest and lowest quintiles of vitamin D is substantial...
PETER BLACK
I didn't even breathe on the final lap. That's how close it was. I knew if I had breathed, (St. Jose...
OWEN BLACK
I envy what I fear and hate what I envy.
HOLLY BLACK
Ah coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today's tasks.
HOLLY BLACK
'Not drinking?' Collin asked coolly.

'I only drink the blood of virgins,' Logan quipped...
LIA BLACK
Without Your Opponent, You are no Victor.
ANAJO BLACK
Gas prices are the classic pocketbook issue for the average person and the average family, and these...
CHARLIE BLACK
When you don't know what you're searching for, you have to look absolutely everywhere.
HOLLY BLACK
You've got a Republican White House; you've got Republicans in control of Congress. It should be sm...
CHRIS BLACK
There's an awful lot of people that still haven't gotten into the category and we ask ourselves the ...
ANDREW BLACK
The biggest problem is that the Democrats will not go along. They will keep their current primary ca...
CHARLIE BLACK
a complete vindication of the defendants, and exposure of their persecutors.
CONRAD BLACK
In 2005, the growth of Software-as-a-Service led many organizations to ask themselves three question...
ARCHIE BLACK
There is still a lot of work to be done and we are not good enough against the top sides.
ANDY BLACK
The Fidelity alliance will significantly enhance our distribution footprint.
STEVE BLACK
To be or not to be, fucked up on whiskey, that is the question.
ROBERT BLACK
There is only one place to go, to find out if a girl is a true blonde, redhead, or brunette.
ROBERT BLACK
Those who really love you don't mean to hurt you and if they do, you can't see it in their eyes but ...
HOLLY BLACK
Lie until even you believe it - that's the real secret of lying
HOLLY BLACK
I'm a Roman Catholic. Or was. I was brought up that way and used to say my prayers every night, ...
CILLA BLACK
We labor under so many illusions about ourselves until we're stripped bare. Being infected, being a ...
HOLLY BLACK
One night you will ask me for something I cannot give.
HOLLY BLACK
Jewels, lies, slips of paper, dried flowers, memories of thing long past, useless quotations, idle h...
HOLLY BLACK
He was saying that the end of the world wasn't an accident; it was a joke.
HOLLY BLACK
You are more dangerous than daybreak.
HOLLY BLACK
Clever girl. You play with fire because you want to be burnt.
HOLLY BLACK
Well it has been very exciting and very changing as well. Celebrating the 40th year and having the a...
CILLA BLACK
But reality television is here to stay.
CILLA BLACK
I don't think anybody's leaving.
CHARLES BLACK
It's naive all of a sudden to say that the White House just realized that there's going to be a toug...
CHARLIE BLACK
I'm not sure there's a big win available. You've got to hit a bunch of singles.
CHARLIE BLACK
There is a legitimate concern about wealth distribution in the United States, but the answer is not ...
CONRAD BLACK
I'm quite subdued, believe it or not. I switch it on for the camera.
CILLA BLACK
It's nice to have the companionship on the ride, too. An hour in the car alone gets pretty quite.
DAWN BLACK
Eastern Muslim countries, such as Indonesia and Malaysia, are relative success stories, as they are ...
CONRAD BLACK
Highly complex numbers like the Comma of Pythagoras, Pi and Phi (sometimes called the Golden Proport...
JONATHAN BLACK
If the receiver is tight, you play an outside technique -- do not backpeddle. We got beat and the ba...
DAVID BLACK
The whole nuclear-arms-control and non-proliferation policy of the nuclear powers is a fraud: The Am...
CONRAD BLACK
When I was growing up, kids wouldn't come out to my place because I was too far out in the country.
DAVE BLACK