٩(⁎❛ᴗ❛⁎)۶ try ViralVideoDB.com daily viral videos

The Senate is a body of old men charged with high duties and misdemeanors.


Ambrose Bierce

  Email Quote to Friends   Link to Quote   Create Short URL  Publish Text About This Quote   Share on Facebook, Twitter, and more
  See Recommended Quotes For You

Related

SENATE, n. A body of elderly gentlemen charged with high duties and misdemeanors.
AMBROSE BIERCE
There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.” ~ Ambrose ...
J.J. MCAVOY
No formal course in fiction-writing can equal a close and observant perusal of the stories of Edgar ...
H. P. LOVECRAFT
high crimes and misdemeanors.
ABBE LOWELL
One of the great privileges of being a part of the Senate, it being the greatest deliberative body i...
BILL NELSON
There is a real incumbent advantage, because the line between campaigning and Senate duties is very ...
LARRY NOBLE
As one of the responsibilities of Vice President, I plan on organizing the Senate. By increasing the...
LEANDRA TORRES
Administrator McCarthy committed perjury and made several false statements at multiple congressional...
PAUL GOSAR
I do not believe the framers of the Constitution would have considered this particular situation hig...
PAUL NEWMAN
And is the senate finance committee not an authoritative body of the U.S. Congress?
ANNE FOLEY
You will notice that what we are aiming at when we fall in love is a very strange paradox. The parad...
WOODY ALLEN
Empathy is the new measurement of everything. It doesn't matter what religion you have, what God you...
C. JOYBELL C.
I am neither accusing President Obama of having committed high crimes and misdemeanors nor advocatin...
DAVID LIMBAUGH
We're all faced throughout our lives with agonizing decisions, moral choices. Some are on a grand sc...
WOODY ALLEN
Apparently, the hard facts of war need not inconvenience the Senate at this time. And the solemn dut...
ARIZONA REPUBLICAN
I like to open for a band as it brings on sort of a challenge and it makes things more interesting. ...
KELLY JONES
If the Senate fails to act and move forward on those nominees,
SCOTT MCCLELLAN
To me, the central issues before the Senate is whether or not the Senate will allow President Bush t...
LINDSEY GRAHAM
As many members of the Senate as there are, there's that many different views of how you do offsets,...
JUDD GREGG
The difference between the two for me, fundamentally, is that the Senate and the governor want to do...
GEOFFREY SEGAL
If the House can get it done, I think the Senate could, but I'm not optimistic,
JO WHITE
The Senate and the House are at loggerheads, and it would be virtually impossible for the leaders of...
LARRY SABATO
You know, I never have been a stagnant kind of individual. I've been in the Senate 22 years. I'm sti...
EDMUND S. MUSKIE
This is one of the worst things the Senate has ever done. On the back of a cocktail napkin they have...
GITA GUTIERREZ
If you look at it, even with over five years in the Senate to make an impression on Florida voters, ...
JEFF SADOSKY
It is my conclusion that the human mind and body is essentially a single cell rechargeable battery t...
STEVEN MAGEE
The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that Dan Quayle may or may not make. ...
VICE PRESIDENT DAN QUAYLE
Though my plans at the moment are vague, I can assure you that I'll never run for the Senate in New ...
LAURA BUSH
If you're hanging around with nothing to do and the zoo is closed, come over to the Senate. You'll g...
BOB DOLE
The bill ended up stalling on the Senate desk after senators closed their session early last week.
RICHARD STAPLER
As many members of the Senate as there are, there's that many different views of how you do offsets,...
JUDD GREGG
There are very few times you can go to the Senate floor and save lives, ... We have it within our po...
MIKE DEWINE
There's about six bills being looked at in the Senate that would change and put a deposit fee on the...
BILL WORREL
Grassley is a very good chairman, very fair, and he tries his very best to be bipartisan, ... But th...
JAY ROCKEFELLER
When the chairman of the Senate Appropriations Committee says that, you know you're going to get it.
JOE LIEBERMAN
My preference is that we eliminate the Senate.
DALTON MCGUINTY
It's good to have a new face [in the Senate] as opposed to someone who's already been around.
DON STAPLEY
A lot of different things go into the mix when determining whether or not Roberts is confirmed. The ...
JAMES MCCANN
Look to your heart and soul first, rather than looking to your head first, when choosing. Rather tha...
JEFFREY R. ANDERSON
When a member of the House moves over to the Senate, he raises the IQ of both bodies
EVERETT DIRKSEN
I left Penney's in 1969 to join the Nixon administration and I didn't come to the Senate until 1992,...
ROBERT F. BENNETT
When a guy gets elected to the Senate or the governor's mansion, he wakes up the next morning and sa...
GERALDINE FERRARO
He's got one of the best legal minds in the Senate,
SLADE GORTON
mount a national crusade against the senate elections.
MORGAN TSVANGIRAI
Even a small city like ours will feel a major impact if this (bill) is passed in the Senate.
ROBERT GARCIA
Though my plans at the moment are vague, I can assure you that I'll never run for the Senate in New ...
LAURA BUSH
The House looks like more fun. It's like the Donahue show. The Senate is like one of those Sunday mo...
PHIL DONAHUE
I think I can speak for every Senator, saying that he or she ran for the Senate because we want to h...
MAX BAUCUS
I thought that the initiative that the Senate produced was very important and very effective,
ALAN GREENSPAN
I do not believe that John Roberts has met the burden of proof necessary to be confirmed by the Sena...
EDWARD KENNEDY
I am proud that the Senate has come together to address the urgent need for comprehensive immigratio...
EDWARD KENNEDY
[Sen. Mike DeWine, R-Ohio, who faces a tough re-election bid, said he is pleased to see the Senate e...
MIKE DEWINE
If you look at Reagan who had two [failed Supreme Court] nominees, who lost control of the Senate an...
KEN MEHLMAN
In the bill that was introduced in the Senate, in the bill that I introduced along with some members...
PAT ROBERTS
The Senate president supports the bill. I think it's going to go.
CINDY DAVIDSMEYER
If we need a law passed, obviously we need the House of Representatives and the Senate to pass that ...
MICHAEL MOORE
[The six-month extension] is the best outcome we could possibly imagine. The Senate stood firm, and ...
EMILY SHEKETOFF
Different majorities in the Senate and the Chamber of Deputies, as now looks possible, would be the ...
LUIGI SPERANZA
She was scarcely a year older than I was, dark-haired, slender, with a face that would break your he...
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN
Even a small city like ours will feel a major impact if this (bill) is passed in the Senate.
ROBERT GARCIA
Are we going to demand that they come before the Senate Judiciary Committee and renounce their faith...
JEFF SESSIONS
I think we're knocking on the door of a veto-proof margin in the Senate.
SEAN TIPTON
There has not been the cooperation that there apparently has been on the Senate side,
JANE HARMAN
took to the Senate floor to denounce the president's conduct as immoral and harmful because 'it send...
MONICA LEWINSKY
If you're hanging around with nothing to do and the zoo is closed, come over to the Senate. You'll g...
BOB DOLE
We're very happy the Senate chose to keep the full text of the amendment as the ballot question. It'...
DYANA MASON
Sen. Gregg, like Sen. Byrd, has been working with his colleagues on the Senate Appropriations Commit...
ERIN RATH
It's mostly to emphasize that we're all on the same side, ... The university's faculty-elected repre...
ERIC ROBERTS
The next signal has to come from the Senate president. We'll see if the Senate caucus wants to get T...
FRANK DEANER
Women's place is in the House - and in the Senate
GLORIA SCHAFFER
[Proponents -- mostly Democrats -- are threatening to tie up the Senate unless Lott schedules procee...
MITCH MCCONNELL
Democrats are in open disarray in the Senate. This is not the type of fight you win by coming late t...
JONATHAN TURLEY
I think in the end, we'll have a trial, ... We will render a verdict, as the Senate has on 15 other ...
PHIL GRAMM
We are all very pleased with the unanimous vote by the Senate.
RICHARD GETTY
We don't believe the Senate can sustain a filibuster, ... Any Democrat that wants to vote against th...
DICK ARMEY
It is obvious that members of the Senate on both sides of the aisle really are troubled by the way t...
BARRY FRIEDMAN
I'm really results-oriented. To get results in the Senate, the best way is to reach out to members, ...
MIKE DEWINE
Judge Roberts deserves overwhelming bi-partisan confirmation by the Senate. Only those willing to ju...
JAN LARUE
If the FBI and the Senate can be so easily hacked, what does that say for the nation, in the public ...
JAMES ADAMS
If there is no avoiding a trial in the Senate, by stepping aside (Clinton could) spare our nation we...
ROBERT SCHULLER
I do not intend to allow the Senate to rubber-stamp the president's plan to reward the Chinese Commu...
JESSE HELMS
It's a little hard to believe 40-year-old men as high school students.
TIM VAN PATTEN
It's the most volatile time. It's when somebody is first charged. The emotions are high.
JENNIFER MARLINGA
The commission has found significant abuses in the collection of old, charged-off debt.
JOEL WINSTON
The world is charged with the grandeur of God.
GERARD MANLEY HOPKINS
I can confirm that a 28-year-old New Zealand man was today charged by Norfolk Island police with mur...
LARRY ANDREWS
Aemon’s blind white eyes came open. “Egg?” he said, as the rain streamed down his cheeks. “E...
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN
By the side of the everlasting Why there is a Yes--a transitory Yes if you like, but a Yes.
E.M. FORSTER
We commend Senators [Michael] Enzi and [Edward] Kennedy and their colleagues for their leadership in...
NATHAN DIAMENT
(The Senate) passed the proposed Conceptual Framework for revision of general education. This means ...
DR. JANE ROSE
I am very glad the Senate has done this. We need to approach this in a family-centered way if treatm...
MARTHA RAINVILLE
When the Senate returns they will consider a number of options to change the system and better enfor...
RICH CHRISMER
I think the challenge to Republicans now is you have the House, you have the Senate, you have the Wh...
NEWT GINGRICH
Now that the president has said he will nominate Judge Roberts as chief justice, the stakes are high...
HARRY REID
The Senate has a plan to address the public safety crisis created by a shortage of correctional offi...
MIKE MORGAN
I commend the Senate president and the speaker on their leadership, ... I look forward to making Mel...
MITT ROMNEY
The needs in this county, in this region, are so high, the Senate plan is close to addressing the ne...
DANA FENTON
I don't anticipate the Senate will leave it intact.
DAN COOPER
He's worked very hard to try to overcome that ... (but) as a minority member of the Senate, of cours...
DAVID REBOVICH
I think it's wonderful. The Senate showed their concerns for people.
ESSIE DEBONET

More Ambrose Bierce

WRATH, n. Anger of a superior quality and degree, appropriate to exalted characters and momentous oc...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Fidelity - a virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
AMBROSE BIERCE
RECREATION, n. A particular kind of dejection to relieve a general fatigue.
AMBROSE BIERCE
FUNERAL, n. A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and s...
AMBROSE BIERCE
... the instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his coun...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Insurance - an ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfort...
AMBROSE BIERCE
The small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify we give the name of knowledge.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking th...
AMBROSE BIERCE
The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Acquaintance: a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly un...
AMBROSE BIERCE
To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result.
AMBROSE BIERCE
A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man, who has no gills.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Politeness -- The most acceptable hypocrisy.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Laughter -- An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarti...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Alien. An American sovereign in his probationary state.
AMBROSE BIERCE
An account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly k...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Historian. A broad -- gauge gossip.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Mis...
AMBROSE BIERCE
A funeral is a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker.
AMBROSE BIERCE
An egotist is a person interested in himself than in me!
AMBROSE BIERCE
Abscond. To move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their deso...
AMBROSE BIERCE
A cynic is a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, and not as they ought to be.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Alliance. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserte...
AMBROSE BIERCE
A coward is one who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Compromise. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction o...
AMBROSE BIERCE
A bride is a woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
AMBROSE BIERCE
ALLIANCE, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply in...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo
AMBROSE BIERCE
Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscie...
AMBROSE BIERCE
One who is in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
AMBROSE BIERCE
ZENITH, n. The point in the heavens directly overhead to a man standing or a growing cabbage. A m...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Admiration, n.: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
AMBROSE BIERCE
BOUNDARY, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginar...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Faith, noun. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Education, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understa...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Happiness, noun. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE
History, n. An account mostly false, of events unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Dentist, n.: A Prestidigitator who, putting metal in one's mouth, pulls coins out of one's pockets.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Cynic, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Income is the natural and rational gauge and measure of respectability.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Optimism, n. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Mad, adj: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
AMBROSE BIERCE
INTIMACY, n. A relation into which fools are providentially drawn for their mutual destruction.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Litigant: a person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bone.
AMBROSE BIERCE
ZEAL, n. A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goeth b...
AMBROSE BIERCE
TELEPHONE n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeab...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreea...
AMBROSE BIERCE
I believe we shall come to care about people less and less. The more people one knows the easier it ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
PREDICAMENT, n. The wage of consistency.
AMBROSE BIERCE
ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions. Having received an ultima...
AMBROSE BIERCE
DIPLOMACY, n. The patriotic art of lying for one's country.
AMBROSE BIERCE
PORTUGUESE, n.pl. A species of geese indigenous to Portugal. They are mostly without feathers and im...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Christians and camels receive their burdens kneeling
AMBROSE BIERCE
Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum - I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.
AMBROSE BIERCE
CREMONA, n. A high-priced violin made in Connecticut.
AMBROSE BIERCE
PROVIDENTIAL, adj. Unexpectedly and conspicuously beneficial to the person so describing it.
AMBROSE BIERCE
BABE or BABY, n. A misshapen creature of no particular age, sex, or condition, chiefly remarkable fo...
AMBROSE BIERCE
A wedding is a ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothi...
AMBROSE BIERCE
PROJECTILE, n. The final arbiter in international disputes. Formerly these disputes were settled by ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
BAAL, n. An old deity formerly much worshiped under various names. As Baal he was popular with the P...
AMBROSE BIERCE
CARTESIAN, adj. Relating to Descartes, a famous philosopher, author of the celebrated dictum, _Cogit...
AMBROSE BIERCE
MEEKNESS, n. Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while.

M is for Moses,...
AMBROSE BIERCE
TEETOTALER, n. One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally.
AMBROSE BIERCE
TEDIUM, n. Ennui, the state or condition of one that is bored. Many fanciful derivations of the word...
AMBROSE BIERCE
MOLECULE, n. The ultimate, indivisible unit of matter. It is distinguished from the corpuscle, also ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
FEAST, n. A festival. A religious celebration usually signalized by gluttony and drunkenness, freque...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Vote: The instrument and symbol of a free man's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his c...
AMBROSE BIERCE
LOQUACITY, n. A disorder which renders the sufferer unable to curb his tongue when you wish to talk.
AMBROSE BIERCE
In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to t...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Advice is the smallest current coin.
AMBROSE BIERCE
SOPHISTRY, n. The controversial method of an opponent, distinguished from one's own by superior insi...
AMBROSE BIERCE
ALDERMAN, n. An ingenious criminal who covers his secret thieving with a pretence of open marauding.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confesse...
AMBROSE BIERCE
WEATHER, n. The climate of the hour. A permanent topic of conversation among persons whom it does no...
AMBROSE BIERCE
INDECISION, n. The chief element of success; "for whereas," saith Sir Thomas Brewbold, "there is but...
AMBROSE BIERCE
LEONINE, adj. Unlike a menagerie lion. Leonine verses are those in which a word in the middle of a l...
AMBROSE BIERCE
PILLORY, n. A mechanical device for inflicting personal distinction --prototype of the modern newspa...
AMBROSE BIERCE
APPLAUSE, n. The echo of a platitude.
AMBROSE BIERCE
WORSHIP, n. Homo Creator's testimony to the sound construction and fine finish of Deus Creatus. A po...
AMBROSE BIERCE
MISERICORDE, n. A dagger which in mediaeval warfare was used by the foot soldier to remind an unhors...
AMBROSE BIERCE
ELECTOR, n. One who enjoys the sacred privilege of voting for the man of another man's choice.
AMBROSE BIERCE
ORPHAN, n. A living person whom death has deprived of the power of filial ingratitude . . .
AMBROSE BIERCE
ENCOMIAST, n. A special (but not particular) kind of liar.
AMBROSE BIERCE
TEDIUM, n. Ennui, the state or condition of one that is bored. Many fanciful derivations of the word...
AMBROSE BIERCE
DEGENERATE, adj. Less conspicuously admirable than one's ancestors. The contemporaries of Homer were...
AMBROSE BIERCE
ALIEN, n. An American sovereign in his probationary state.
AMBROSE BIERCE
ASS, n. A public singer with a good voice but no ear. In Virginia City, Nevada, he is called the Was...
AMBROSE BIERCE
PAST, n. That part of Eternity with some small fraction of which we have a slight and regrettable ac...
AMBROSE BIERCE
APPETITE, n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question.
AMBROSE BIERCE
CAABA, n. A large stone presented by the archangel Gabriel to the patriarch Abraham, and preserved a...
AMBROSE BIERCE
ADOLESCENCE The stage between puberty and adultery.
AMBROSE BIERCE
CREMONA, n. A high-priced violin made in Connecticut.
AMBROSE BIERCE
ROPE, n. An obsolescent appliance for reminding assassins that they too are mortal. It is put about ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
REALISM, n. The art of depicting nature as it is seem by toads. The charm suffusing a landscape pain...
AMBROSE BIERCE
BAAL, n. An old deity formerly much worshiped under various names. As Baal he was popular with the P...
AMBROSE BIERCE
HYDRA, n. A kind of animal that the ancients catalogued under many heads.
AMBROSE BIERCE
FREEDOM, n. Exemption from the stress of authority in a beggarly half dozen of restraint's infinite ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
MEEKNESS, n. Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while.M is for Moses, Who slew th...
AMBROSE BIERCE
WIDOW, n. A pathetic figure that the Christian world has agreed to take humorously, although Christ'...
AMBROSE BIERCE
FRIENDLESS, adj. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth an...
AMBROSE BIERCE
CONSULT, v.i. To seek another's disapproval of a course already decided on.
AMBROSE BIERCE
PREDICAMENT, n. The wage of consistency.
AMBROSE BIERCE
BASILISK, n. The cockatrice. A sort of serpent hatched form the egg of a cock. The basilisk had a ba...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Strike while your employer has a big contract.
AMBROSE BIERCE
EDITOR, n. A person who combines the judicial functions of Minos, Rhadamanthus and Aeacus, but is pl...
AMBROSE BIERCE
COMMONWEALTH, n. An administrative entity operated by an incalculable multitude of political parasit...
AMBROSE BIERCE
ERUDITION, n. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.So wide his erudition's mighty span, He ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
PORTUGUESE, n.pl. A species of geese indigenous to Portugal. They are mostly without feathers and im...
AMBROSE BIERCE
POSTERITY, n. An appellate court which reverses the judgment of a popular author's contemporaries, t...
AMBROSE BIERCE
ICONOCLAST, n. A breaker of idols, the worshipers whereof are imperfectly gratified by the performan...
AMBROSE BIERCE
FELON, n. A person of greater enterprise than discretion, who in embracing an opportunity has formed...
AMBROSE BIERCE
IMPOSTOR n. A rival aspirant to public honors.
AMBROSE BIERCE
DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set.A leaf was ri...
AMBROSE BIERCE
DIGESTION, n. The conversion of victuals into virtues. When the process is imperfect, vices are evol...
AMBROSE BIERCE
CONVERSATION, n. A fair to the display of the minor mental commodities, each exhibitor being too int...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Egotism, n: Doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with a pen.
AMBROSE BIERCE
PRIMATE, n. The head of a church, especially a State church supported by involuntary contributions. ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
ARCHBISHOP, n. An ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop.If I were a jolly archbish...
AMBROSE BIERCE
SCEPTER, n. A king's staff of office, the sign and symbol of his authority. It was originally a mace...
AMBROSE BIERCE
BLANK-VERSE, n. Unrhymed iambic pentameters --the most difficult kind of English verse to write acce...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
AMBROSE BIERCE
DISCRIMINATE, v.i. To note the particulars in which one person or thing is, if possible, more object...
AMBROSE BIERCE
NOTORIETY, n. The fame of one's competitor for public honors. The kind of renown most accessible and...
AMBROSE BIERCE
USAGE, n. The First Person of the literary Trinity, the Second and Third being Custom and Convention...
AMBROSE BIERCE
SENATE, n. A body of elderly gentlemen charged with high duties and misdemeanors.
AMBROSE BIERCE
RICE-WATER, n. A mystic beverage secretly used by our most popular novelists and poets to regulate t...
AMBROSE BIERCE
HUMANITY, n. The human race, collectively, exclusive of the anthropoid poets.
AMBROSE BIERCE
There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.
AMBROSE BIERCE
MILLENNIUM, n. The period of a thousand years when the lid is to be screwed down, with all reformers...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Christian: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to t...
AMBROSE BIERCE
OPTIMIST, n. A proponent of the doctrine that black is white. A pessimist applied to God for relief....
AMBROSE BIERCE
OPTIMIST, n. A proponent of the doctrine that black is white. A pessimist applied to God for relief.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Infidel, n. In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, c...
AMBROSE BIERCE
In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary, patriotism is defined as the last refuge of a scoundrel. With a...
AMBROSE BIERCE
LAZINESS, n. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.
AMBROSE BIERCE
PEDIGREE, n. The known part of the route from an arboreal ancestor with a swim bladder to an urban d...
AMBROSE BIERCE
ACCUSE, v.t. To affirm another's guilt or unworth; most commonly as a justification of ourselves for...
AMBROSE BIERCE
EMBALM, v.i. To cheat vegetation by locking up the gases upon which it feeds. By embalming their dea...
AMBROSE BIERCE
SERIAL, n. A literary work, usually a story that is not true, creeping through several issues of a n...
AMBROSE BIERCE
ACQUAINTANCE, n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A...
AMBROSE BIERCE
PANTALOONS, n. A nether habiliment of the adult civilized male. The garment is tubular and unprovide...
AMBROSE BIERCE
BOUNTY, n. The liberality of one who has much, in permitting one who has nothing to get all that he ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
EXTINCTION, n. The raw material out of which theology created the future state.
AMBROSE BIERCE
ROBBER, n. A candid man of affairs. It is related of Voltaire that one night he and some traveling c...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
AMBROSE BIERCE
LUNARIAN, n. An inhabitant of the moon, as distinguished from Lunatic, one whom the moon inhabits. T...
AMBROSE BIERCE
WINE, n. Fermented grape-juice known to the Women's Christian Union as "liquor," sometimes as "rum."...
AMBROSE BIERCE
QUORUM, n. A sufficient number of members of a deliberative body to have their own way and their own...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Land: A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property su...
AMBROSE BIERCE
ARRAYED, pp. Drawn up and given an orderly disposition, as a rioter hanged to a lamppost.
AMBROSE BIERCE
PREDILECTION, n. The preparatory stage of disillusion.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Pitted against hard drinking Christians the abstemious Mahometans go down like grass before the scyt...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Opportunity is a favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.
AMBROSE BIERCE
UGLINESS, n. A gift of the gods to certain women, entailing virtue without humility.
AMBROSE BIERCE
From the vast, invisible ocean of moonlight overhead fell, here and here, a slender, broken stream t...
AMBROSE BIERCE
He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity.
AMBROSE BIERCE
You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Edible. Good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pi...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Consult. To seek another's approval of a course already decided on.
AMBROSE BIERCE
They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Deliberation. The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
AMBROSE BIERCE
PROPHECY, n. The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Admiration; is our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
AMBROSE BIERCE
An optimist is a proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Appeal. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Wit. The salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.
AMBROSE BIERCE
To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Consul. In American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is give...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscien...
AMBROSE BIERCE
The covers of this book are too far apart.
AMBROSE BIERCE
To be positive: to be mistaken at the top of one's voice.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Censor, n. An officer of certain governments, employed to supress the works of genius. Among the Rom...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Genealogy. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his o...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Woman absent is woman dead.
AMBROSE BIERCE
DIPLOMACY, n. Lying in state, or the patriotic art of lying for one's country.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Calamities are of two kinds. Misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
AMBROSE BIERCE
YANKEE, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the So...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
AMBROSE BIERCE