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There are three kinds of men. The ones that learn by readin’. The few who learn by observation.
The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.


Will Rogers

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Lead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
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There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
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I guess truth can hurt you worse in an election than about anything that can happen to you.
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The farmer has to be an optimist or he wouldn't still be a farmer.
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A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth
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Once a man holds public office he is absolutely no good for honest work.
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Worrying is like paying on a debt that may never come due.
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A fanatic is always the fellow on the opposite side.
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Maybe ain't ain't so correct, but I notice that lots of folks who ain't using ain't ain't eating.
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If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?"
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Gentlemen, you have just been listening to that Chinese sage, On Too long
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We have the best Congress money can buy.
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So live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the familiy parrotto the town gossip.
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We elect our Presidents, be they Republican or Democrat, then start daring 'em to make good.
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Nobody wants to be called common people, especially common people.
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Nothing makes a man broad-minded like adversity.
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Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.
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We can't all be heroes, because somebody has to sit on the curb and applaud when they go by.
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The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself.
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Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutio...
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Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
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I like to hear a man talk about himself because then I never hear anything, but good.
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Pain is such an uncomfortable feeling that even a tiny amount of it is enough to ruin every enjoymen...
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A difference of opinion is what makes horse racing and missionaries.
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Broad-minded is just another way of saying a fellow is too lazy to form an opinion.
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The short memories of American voters is what keeps our politicians in office.
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Compared to them I
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There is an awful lot of difference between reading something and actually seeing it, for you can ne...
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Don't be misled by History, or any other unreliable source.
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The main thing about being a hero is to know when to die.
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We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.
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The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.
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Communism is like Prohibition, it's a good idea but it won't work
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Successful colleges will start laying plans for a new stadium; unsuccessful ones will start hunting ...
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Income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf.
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The Income Tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.
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You can't say that civilization don't advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way.
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I was not a child prodigy, because a child prodigy is a child who knows as much when it is a child a...
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Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.
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An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out.
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Andrew Jackson was the first one to think up the idea to promise everybody that if they will vote fo...
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There's the one thing no nation can ever accuse us of and that is secret diplomacy. Our foreign are ...
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Golf is good for the soul. You get so mad at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.
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We can't all be heroes, because somebody has to sit on the curb and applaud when they go by.
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I can remember way back when a liberal was one who was generous with his own money.
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An economist's guess is liable to be as good as anybody else's.
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Baseball is a skilled game. It's America's game -- it, and high taxes.
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You've got to go out on a limb sometimes because that's where the fruit is.
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Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they do...
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Do the best you can, and don't take life too serious.
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When ignorance gets started it knows no bounds
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All I know is what I read in the papers.
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An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.
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There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators.
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I read about eight newspapers in a day. When I'm in a town with only one newspaper, I read it eight ...
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One third of the people in the United States promote, while the other two thirds provide
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That's what makes us a great nation. We take the little things serious, and the big ones as a joke.
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Strangers are just friends I haven't met yet.
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The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.
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If you ever injected truth into politics, you would have no politics.
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I have a scheme for stopping war. It's this -- no nation is allowed to enter a war till they have pa...
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Worrying is like paying on a debt that may never come due.
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Golf is a wonderful exercise. You can stand on your feet for hours, watching somebody else putt.
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Outside of traffic, there is nothing that has held this country back as much as committees.
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If we ever pass out as a great nation we ought to put on our tombstone 'America died from a delusion...
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Plans get you into things, but you got to work your way out
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Things in our country run in spite of government, not by aid of it.
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People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing
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Invest in inflation. It's the only thing going up.
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You don't know how excited he was about that -- he was in the United States on his 21st birthday.
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Old Hollywood is just like a desert water in Africa. Hang around long enough and every kind of anima...
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Rumor travels faster, but it don't stay put as long as truth
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People's minds are changed through observation and not through argument
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In Washington, one man could do what ten of them do. Things kinder run themselves, anyhow.
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The 1928 Republican Convention opened with a prayer. If the Lord can see His way clear to bless the ...
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You shake a slogan at an American and it's just like showing a hungry dog a bone.
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You know, everybody's ignorant, just on different subjects.
WILL ROGERS
I was just thinking, if it is really religion with these nudist colonies, they sure must turn atheis...
WILL ROGERS
We always want the best man to win an election. Unfortunately, he never runs.
WILL ROGERS
I am not a member of any organized party - I am a Democrat
WILL ROGERS
A man that don't love a horse, there is something the matter with him.
WILL ROGERS
The short memories of American voters is what keeps our politicians in office
WILL ROGERS
In Europe public men do resign. But here it's a lost art. You have to impeach 'em.
WILL ROGERS
The minute a thing is long and complicated it confuses. Whoever wrote the Ten Commandments made 'em ...
WILL ROGERS
Well, I can understand a man perhaps being eccentric enough to want to own a silk hat.
WILL ROGERS
Never miss a chance to shut up
WILL ROGERS
I maintain that it should cost as much to get married as to get divorced. Make it look like marriage...
WILL ROGERS
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter -- he's...
WILL ROGERS
An economist is a man that can tell you . . . what can happen under any given condition, and his gue...
WILL ROGERS
I don't know what humor is. Anything that's funny -- tragedy or anything, it don't make no differenc...
WILL ROGERS
Everyone is ignorant – but on different issues.
WILL ROGERS
I don't care how little your country is, you got a right to run it like you want to. When the big na...
WILL ROGERS
One third of the people in the United States promote, while the other two thirds provide
WILL ROGERS
I have a scheme for stopping war. It's this -- no nation is allowed to enter a war till they have pa...
WILL ROGERS
I am a Cherokee and it's the proudest little possession I ever hope to have.
WILL ROGERS
Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have
WILL ROGERS
Things will get better despite our efforts to improve them
WILL ROGERS
Nowadays it is about as big a crime to be dumb as it is to be dishonest.
WILL ROGERS
The Democrats are going to change the name of the Hoover Dam. That is the silliest thing I ever hear...
WILL ROGERS
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life tryi...
WILL ROGERS
If they really want to honor the boys, why don't they let them sit in the stands and have the people...
WILL ROGERS
A comedian can only last 'til he either takes himself serious or his audience takes him serious.
WILL ROGERS
The movies enable an actor not only to act but also to sit down in the theater and clap for himself
WILL ROGERS
You should never try and teach a pig to read for two reasons. First, it's impossible; and secondly, ...
WILL ROGERS
Alexander Hamilton originated the put and take system in our national treasury: the taxpayers put it...
WILL ROGERS
If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, a...
WILL ROGERS
The more that learn to read the less learn how to make a living. That's one thing about a little edu...
WILL ROGERS
There is one thing about Englishmen, they won't fix anything till it's just about totally ruined. Yo...
WILL ROGERS
While the Republicans are smart enough to make money, the Democrats are smart enough to get into off...
WILL ROGERS
And the thing about my jokes is, they don't hurt anybody. You can take 'em or leave 'em - you can sa...
WILL ROGERS
A stranger is just a friend I haven't met yet.
WILL ROGERS