(๑╹ڡ╹)╭ ♡ try 1ClickGram.com download instagram videos and photos

Woman absent is woman dead.


Ambrose Bierce

  Email Quote to Friends   Link to Quote   Create Short URL  Publish Text About This Quote   Share on Facebook, Twitter, and more
  See Recommended Quotes For You

Related

There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.” ~ Ambrose ...
J.J. MCAVOY
Where love is absent, there can be no woman.
GEORGE SAND
No formal course in fiction-writing can equal a close and observant perusal of the stories of Edgar ...
H. P. LOVECRAFT
Chauvinism is totally absent in a heart of a man who truly respects a woman.
~ Angelica Hopes, ...
ANGELICA HOPES
The man and his woman is like the grave and its dead.
VIKRANT PARSAI
The Mr. absent, and the house dead.
GEORGE HERBERT
A charming woman is a busy woman.
LORETTA YOUNG
The question has been asked, 'What is a woman?' A woman is a person who makes choices. A woman is a ...
ELEANOR HOLMES NORTON
A woman laughing is a woman conquered.
NAPOLéON BONAPARTE
A respectful woman is a righteous woman.
HABEEB AKANDE
Woman of design is what I see. Woman of love is what I give. Woman of strength is who I am. Woman of...
SUSIE L HILL
We are relieved that there aren't two corpses, ... Our priority is now to identify the dead woman.
EDWARD WINTER
I wouldn't be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife.
TONY CURTIS
The loneliest woman in the world is the woman without a close woman friend
TONI MORRISON
I believe strongly in the rights of women... my mother is a woman, my sister is a woman, my daughter...
ABDULLAH OF SAUDI ARABIA
The only man, woman, or child who ever wrote a simple declarative sentence with seven grammatical er...
E E CUMMINGS
Woman is sacred; the woman one loves is holy.
ALEXANDRE DUMAS
A reading man and woman is a ready man and woman, but a writing man and woman is exact.
MARCUS GARVEY
The woman is so hard upon the woman
ALFRED LORD TENNYSON
I learned a woman is never an old woman.
JONI MITCHELL
To play a bag woman is brave for any woman.
DAPHNE ZUNIGA
A woman who laughs is a woman conquered.
OLEG CASSINI
The fly that sips treacle is lost in the sweets, So he that tastes woman, woman, woman; He that tast...
JOHN GAY
At dramatic rehearsals, the only author that's better than an absent one is a dead one.
GEORGE S. KAUFMAN
The Gucci woman can be the equestrian woman, the woman in the suit, the woman in the flowy bohemian ...
BLAKE LIVELY
Mystery is what makes women, woman. A woman without mystery is no woman. She is a girl who has yet d...
IMANIA MARGRIA
The one woman who never gives herself is your free woman, who is always giving herself.
D. H. (DAVID HERBERT) LAWRENCE
The one woman who never gives herself is your free woman, who is always giving herself.
D. H. LAWRENCE
A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.
RUDYARD KIPLING
We have to feed our loved ones, but at what cost. A dead man or woman can’t feed the living.
JAMES JEAN-PIERRE
Married love between a man & woman, man & man and woman & woman is an oaths based on unconditional l...
EDWARD SQUIRE
A secret makes a woman woman
GOSHO AOYAMA
Look for the woman in the dress. If there is no woman, there is no dress.
COCO CHANEL
A lost woman is more than a lost woman; she is a stairway of generations vanished.
JEFF MCMAHON
What a woman wants is a reaction. What a man wants is a woman.
CHARLES BUKOWSKI
The Western media has depicted the Afghan woman as a helpless, weak individual. I have said it befor...
RULA GHANI
He's a woman.
He's a grown woman
He's a old woman.
PATRICK NESS
I feel there is something unexplored about woman that only a woman can explore.
GEORGIA O'KEEFFE
As a woman I have no country. As a woman my country is the whole world.
VIRGINIA WOOLF
An elegant woman is a woman who despises you and has no hair under her arms.
SALVADOR DALí
To understand one woman is not necessarily to understand any other woman.
JOHN STUART MILL
I know how hard it is to be a woman, especially a black woman.
MIKE TYSON
Woman understands children better than man does, but man is more childlike than woman
FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE
There is only one woman in the world. One woman, with many faces
NIKOS KAZANTZAKIS
As a woman, I have no country. As a woman my country is the world.
VIRGINIA WOOLF
The devil, my friends, is a woman just now. 'Tis a woman that reigns in Hell.
LORD LYTTON (EDWARD ROBERT BULWER LYTTON) ("OWEN MEREDITH")
The main difference between men and woman is that men are lunatics and woman are idiots.
REBECCA WEST
Reason, Why a Woman is called 'WOMAN'... ? B'coz, She can wooo MAN....
ASHISH SOPHAT
Woman understand children better than man does, but man is more childlike than woman
FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE
As a woman I have no country. As a woman I want no country. As a woman, my country is the whole worl...
VIRGINIA WOOLF
The '90s are really the 'Sex and the City' woman, and I think, right now, the new contem...
CANDACE BUSHNELL
The '90s are really the 'Sex and the City' woman, and I think, right now, the new contemporary woman...
CANDACE BUSHNELL
A strong woman is a woman determined to do something others are determined not be done.
MARGE PIERCY
As a woman I have no country. As a woman my country is the whole world.
VIRGINIA WOOLF
There is only one woman in the world. One woman, with many faces.
NIKOS KAZANTZAKIS
Reason, Why Woman is called as WOMAN?? B'coz, She can WOE the men
ASHISH SOPHAT
Woman understands children better than man does, but man is more childlike than woman
FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE
If "Frailty, thy name is woman", Frailty must be a man named as 'woman
MUNIA KHAN
A good woman inspires a man; a brilliant woman interests him; a beautiful woman fascinates him; and ...
HELEN ROWLAND
If I speak of Vienna it must be in the past tense, as a man speaks of a woman he has loved and who i...
ERICH VON STROHEIM
No, she was just a woman. And that meant she could feel, she could need, she could give and she coul...
LAURA LEE GUHRKE
I'm a strong woman.
SADIE FROST
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size<...
MAYA ANGELOU
I wanted to be an independent woman, a woman who could pay for her bills, a woman who could run her ...
DIANE VON FURSTENBERG
Oh, how I wish I was a woman—his woman.
A.R. VON
I love the woman. She's a wonderful woman.
RYAN CUSHING
Anytime a woman competes with another woman she demeans herself.
SHERRY ARGOV
I am my own woman.
EVITA PERóN
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
H. L. MENCKEN
Every woman is a rebel.
OSCAR WILDE
She is an amazing woman.
DEBORAH BURLINGAME
Frailty, thy name is woman!
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
Is it fair to treat a woman worse than a man, and then revile her because she is a woman?
VICTORIA WOODHULL
A particularly beautiful woman is a source of terror. As a rule, a beautiful woman is a terrible dis...
CARL GUSTAV JUNG
A particularly beautiful woman is a source of terror. As a rule, a beautiful woman is a terrible dis...
CARL JUNG
Insanity, thy name is woman
VIRGINIA ALISON
Every actor has a natural animosity toward every other actor, present or absent, living or dead.
LOUISE BROOKS
It was cold, and he was coughing. A fine cold draught blew over the knoll. He thought of the woman. ...
D.H. LAWRENCE
I'm a woman. I have a right to change my mind.
SIDNEY SHELDON
No one knows like a woman how to say things which are at once gentle and deep
VICTOR HUGO
We believe that we've been contacted by a woman who thinks she may be the paternal grandmother in th...
DWAYNE BAIRD
We want to get married. I won't let this woman get away.
TOM CRUISE
I think of him as one of the players -- not that he's a woman, but he was part of the gang, you know...
ANNIKA SORENSTAM
We're way overdue on a woman sitting in one of those Big Three chairs.
ELIZABETH VARGAS
I got a woman that's mean as she can be, sometimes I think she's almost as mean as me.
ROY ORBISON
I come here not as a polished politician but as a woman who has had her fair share of life's knocks.
PAULINE HANSON
A beautiful woman and a wooden boat are very expensive in maintenance.
DUTCH PROVERB
There is much that is immortal in this medieval lady. The dragons have gone, and so have the knights...
E.M. FORSTER
We believe that we've been contacted by a woman who thinks she may be the paternal grandmother in th...
DWAYNE BAIRD
As a woman, I find it very embarrassing to be in a meeting and realize I'm the only one in the room ...
RITA MAE BROWN
THE HANDS THAT ROCK THE CRADLE,KITCHEN,HOUSE,FAMILY ALSO CAN RULE THE WORLD...!!
NEYHA SAHU
A young woman with long hair and a short white halter dress walks through the casino at the Riviera ...
JOAN DIDION
This was the last astronaut job that was not (yet) done by a woman. Now with this milestone we can f...
ELLEN OCHOA
If there's a sexy young blonde, a lot of middle-aged farmers who don't think the same kind of woman ...
DUNCAN FORREST
I just can think of no other woman in this state who performs at such an extremely high level in so ...
ELLEN MILLER
Asked how he became a writer: In the same way that a woman becomes a prostitute. First I did it to p...
FERENC MOLNAR
Not everyone can host a talk show. She's proven she can talk to Tom Hanks or the woman who has had h...
BILL CARROLL
it was a woman who drove me to drink, come to think of it I never did hang around to thank her for t...
DEAN MARTIN
Love is free; to promise for ever to love the same woman is not less absurd than to promise to belie...
PERCY BYSSHE SHELLEY
He was committed and generous. Slowly, he won me over. He was very respectful of me as a woman and a...
SALMA HAYEK

More Ambrose Bierce

WRATH, n. Anger of a superior quality and degree, appropriate to exalted characters and momentous oc...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Fidelity - a virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
AMBROSE BIERCE
RECREATION, n. A particular kind of dejection to relieve a general fatigue.
AMBROSE BIERCE
FUNERAL, n. A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and s...
AMBROSE BIERCE
... the instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his coun...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Insurance - an ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfort...
AMBROSE BIERCE
The small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify we give the name of knowledge.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking th...
AMBROSE BIERCE
The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Acquaintance: a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly un...
AMBROSE BIERCE
To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result.
AMBROSE BIERCE
A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man, who has no gills.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Politeness -- The most acceptable hypocrisy.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Laughter -- An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarti...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Alien. An American sovereign in his probationary state.
AMBROSE BIERCE
An account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly k...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Historian. A broad -- gauge gossip.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Mis...
AMBROSE BIERCE
A funeral is a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker.
AMBROSE BIERCE
An egotist is a person interested in himself than in me!
AMBROSE BIERCE
Abscond. To move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their deso...
AMBROSE BIERCE
A cynic is a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, and not as they ought to be.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Alliance. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserte...
AMBROSE BIERCE
A coward is one who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Compromise. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction o...
AMBROSE BIERCE
A bride is a woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
AMBROSE BIERCE
ALLIANCE, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply in...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo
AMBROSE BIERCE
Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscie...
AMBROSE BIERCE
One who is in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
AMBROSE BIERCE
ZENITH, n. The point in the heavens directly overhead to a man standing or a growing cabbage. A m...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Admiration, n.: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
AMBROSE BIERCE
BOUNDARY, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginar...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Faith, noun. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Education, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understa...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Happiness, noun. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE
History, n. An account mostly false, of events unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Dentist, n.: A Prestidigitator who, putting metal in one's mouth, pulls coins out of one's pockets.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Cynic, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Income is the natural and rational gauge and measure of respectability.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Optimism, n. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Mad, adj: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
AMBROSE BIERCE
INTIMACY, n. A relation into which fools are providentially drawn for their mutual destruction.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Litigant: a person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bone.
AMBROSE BIERCE
ZEAL, n. A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goeth b...
AMBROSE BIERCE
TELEPHONE n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeab...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreea...
AMBROSE BIERCE
I believe we shall come to care about people less and less. The more people one knows the easier it ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
PREDICAMENT, n. The wage of consistency.
AMBROSE BIERCE
ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions. Having received an ultima...
AMBROSE BIERCE
DIPLOMACY, n. The patriotic art of lying for one's country.
AMBROSE BIERCE
PORTUGUESE, n.pl. A species of geese indigenous to Portugal. They are mostly without feathers and im...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Christians and camels receive their burdens kneeling
AMBROSE BIERCE
Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum - I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.
AMBROSE BIERCE
CREMONA, n. A high-priced violin made in Connecticut.
AMBROSE BIERCE
PROVIDENTIAL, adj. Unexpectedly and conspicuously beneficial to the person so describing it.
AMBROSE BIERCE
BABE or BABY, n. A misshapen creature of no particular age, sex, or condition, chiefly remarkable fo...
AMBROSE BIERCE
A wedding is a ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothi...
AMBROSE BIERCE
PROJECTILE, n. The final arbiter in international disputes. Formerly these disputes were settled by ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
BAAL, n. An old deity formerly much worshiped under various names. As Baal he was popular with the P...
AMBROSE BIERCE
CARTESIAN, adj. Relating to Descartes, a famous philosopher, author of the celebrated dictum, _Cogit...
AMBROSE BIERCE
MEEKNESS, n. Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while.

M is for Moses,...
AMBROSE BIERCE
TEETOTALER, n. One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally.
AMBROSE BIERCE
TEDIUM, n. Ennui, the state or condition of one that is bored. Many fanciful derivations of the word...
AMBROSE BIERCE
MOLECULE, n. The ultimate, indivisible unit of matter. It is distinguished from the corpuscle, also ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
FEAST, n. A festival. A religious celebration usually signalized by gluttony and drunkenness, freque...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Vote: The instrument and symbol of a free man's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his c...
AMBROSE BIERCE
LOQUACITY, n. A disorder which renders the sufferer unable to curb his tongue when you wish to talk.
AMBROSE BIERCE
In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to t...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Advice is the smallest current coin.
AMBROSE BIERCE
SOPHISTRY, n. The controversial method of an opponent, distinguished from one's own by superior insi...
AMBROSE BIERCE
ALDERMAN, n. An ingenious criminal who covers his secret thieving with a pretence of open marauding.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confesse...
AMBROSE BIERCE
WEATHER, n. The climate of the hour. A permanent topic of conversation among persons whom it does no...
AMBROSE BIERCE
INDECISION, n. The chief element of success; "for whereas," saith Sir Thomas Brewbold, "there is but...
AMBROSE BIERCE
LEONINE, adj. Unlike a menagerie lion. Leonine verses are those in which a word in the middle of a l...
AMBROSE BIERCE
PILLORY, n. A mechanical device for inflicting personal distinction --prototype of the modern newspa...
AMBROSE BIERCE
APPLAUSE, n. The echo of a platitude.
AMBROSE BIERCE
WORSHIP, n. Homo Creator's testimony to the sound construction and fine finish of Deus Creatus. A po...
AMBROSE BIERCE
MISERICORDE, n. A dagger which in mediaeval warfare was used by the foot soldier to remind an unhors...
AMBROSE BIERCE
ELECTOR, n. One who enjoys the sacred privilege of voting for the man of another man's choice.
AMBROSE BIERCE
ORPHAN, n. A living person whom death has deprived of the power of filial ingratitude . . .
AMBROSE BIERCE
ENCOMIAST, n. A special (but not particular) kind of liar.
AMBROSE BIERCE
TEDIUM, n. Ennui, the state or condition of one that is bored. Many fanciful derivations of the word...
AMBROSE BIERCE
DEGENERATE, adj. Less conspicuously admirable than one's ancestors. The contemporaries of Homer were...
AMBROSE BIERCE
ALIEN, n. An American sovereign in his probationary state.
AMBROSE BIERCE
ASS, n. A public singer with a good voice but no ear. In Virginia City, Nevada, he is called the Was...
AMBROSE BIERCE
PAST, n. That part of Eternity with some small fraction of which we have a slight and regrettable ac...
AMBROSE BIERCE
APPETITE, n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question.
AMBROSE BIERCE
CAABA, n. A large stone presented by the archangel Gabriel to the patriarch Abraham, and preserved a...
AMBROSE BIERCE
ADOLESCENCE The stage between puberty and adultery.
AMBROSE BIERCE
CREMONA, n. A high-priced violin made in Connecticut.
AMBROSE BIERCE
ROPE, n. An obsolescent appliance for reminding assassins that they too are mortal. It is put about ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
REALISM, n. The art of depicting nature as it is seem by toads. The charm suffusing a landscape pain...
AMBROSE BIERCE
BAAL, n. An old deity formerly much worshiped under various names. As Baal he was popular with the P...
AMBROSE BIERCE
HYDRA, n. A kind of animal that the ancients catalogued under many heads.
AMBROSE BIERCE
FREEDOM, n. Exemption from the stress of authority in a beggarly half dozen of restraint's infinite ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
MEEKNESS, n. Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while.M is for Moses, Who slew th...
AMBROSE BIERCE
WIDOW, n. A pathetic figure that the Christian world has agreed to take humorously, although Christ'...
AMBROSE BIERCE
FRIENDLESS, adj. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth an...
AMBROSE BIERCE
CONSULT, v.i. To seek another's disapproval of a course already decided on.
AMBROSE BIERCE
PREDICAMENT, n. The wage of consistency.
AMBROSE BIERCE
BASILISK, n. The cockatrice. A sort of serpent hatched form the egg of a cock. The basilisk had a ba...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Strike while your employer has a big contract.
AMBROSE BIERCE
EDITOR, n. A person who combines the judicial functions of Minos, Rhadamanthus and Aeacus, but is pl...
AMBROSE BIERCE
COMMONWEALTH, n. An administrative entity operated by an incalculable multitude of political parasit...
AMBROSE BIERCE
ERUDITION, n. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.So wide his erudition's mighty span, He ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
PORTUGUESE, n.pl. A species of geese indigenous to Portugal. They are mostly without feathers and im...
AMBROSE BIERCE
POSTERITY, n. An appellate court which reverses the judgment of a popular author's contemporaries, t...
AMBROSE BIERCE
ICONOCLAST, n. A breaker of idols, the worshipers whereof are imperfectly gratified by the performan...
AMBROSE BIERCE
FELON, n. A person of greater enterprise than discretion, who in embracing an opportunity has formed...
AMBROSE BIERCE
IMPOSTOR n. A rival aspirant to public honors.
AMBROSE BIERCE
DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set.A leaf was ri...
AMBROSE BIERCE
DIGESTION, n. The conversion of victuals into virtues. When the process is imperfect, vices are evol...
AMBROSE BIERCE
CONVERSATION, n. A fair to the display of the minor mental commodities, each exhibitor being too int...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Egotism, n: Doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with a pen.
AMBROSE BIERCE
PRIMATE, n. The head of a church, especially a State church supported by involuntary contributions. ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
ARCHBISHOP, n. An ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop.If I were a jolly archbish...
AMBROSE BIERCE
SCEPTER, n. A king's staff of office, the sign and symbol of his authority. It was originally a mace...
AMBROSE BIERCE
BLANK-VERSE, n. Unrhymed iambic pentameters --the most difficult kind of English verse to write acce...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
AMBROSE BIERCE
DISCRIMINATE, v.i. To note the particulars in which one person or thing is, if possible, more object...
AMBROSE BIERCE
NOTORIETY, n. The fame of one's competitor for public honors. The kind of renown most accessible and...
AMBROSE BIERCE
USAGE, n. The First Person of the literary Trinity, the Second and Third being Custom and Convention...
AMBROSE BIERCE
SENATE, n. A body of elderly gentlemen charged with high duties and misdemeanors.
AMBROSE BIERCE
RICE-WATER, n. A mystic beverage secretly used by our most popular novelists and poets to regulate t...
AMBROSE BIERCE
HUMANITY, n. The human race, collectively, exclusive of the anthropoid poets.
AMBROSE BIERCE
There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.
AMBROSE BIERCE
MILLENNIUM, n. The period of a thousand years when the lid is to be screwed down, with all reformers...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Christian: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to t...
AMBROSE BIERCE
OPTIMIST, n. A proponent of the doctrine that black is white. A pessimist applied to God for relief....
AMBROSE BIERCE
OPTIMIST, n. A proponent of the doctrine that black is white. A pessimist applied to God for relief.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Infidel, n. In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, c...
AMBROSE BIERCE
In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary, patriotism is defined as the last refuge of a scoundrel. With a...
AMBROSE BIERCE
LAZINESS, n. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.
AMBROSE BIERCE
PEDIGREE, n. The known part of the route from an arboreal ancestor with a swim bladder to an urban d...
AMBROSE BIERCE
ACCUSE, v.t. To affirm another's guilt or unworth; most commonly as a justification of ourselves for...
AMBROSE BIERCE
EMBALM, v.i. To cheat vegetation by locking up the gases upon which it feeds. By embalming their dea...
AMBROSE BIERCE
SERIAL, n. A literary work, usually a story that is not true, creeping through several issues of a n...
AMBROSE BIERCE
ACQUAINTANCE, n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A...
AMBROSE BIERCE
PANTALOONS, n. A nether habiliment of the adult civilized male. The garment is tubular and unprovide...
AMBROSE BIERCE
BOUNTY, n. The liberality of one who has much, in permitting one who has nothing to get all that he ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
EXTINCTION, n. The raw material out of which theology created the future state.
AMBROSE BIERCE
ROBBER, n. A candid man of affairs. It is related of Voltaire that one night he and some traveling c...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
AMBROSE BIERCE
LUNARIAN, n. An inhabitant of the moon, as distinguished from Lunatic, one whom the moon inhabits. T...
AMBROSE BIERCE
WINE, n. Fermented grape-juice known to the Women's Christian Union as "liquor," sometimes as "rum."...
AMBROSE BIERCE
QUORUM, n. A sufficient number of members of a deliberative body to have their own way and their own...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Land: A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property su...
AMBROSE BIERCE
ARRAYED, pp. Drawn up and given an orderly disposition, as a rioter hanged to a lamppost.
AMBROSE BIERCE
PREDILECTION, n. The preparatory stage of disillusion.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Pitted against hard drinking Christians the abstemious Mahometans go down like grass before the scyt...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Opportunity is a favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.
AMBROSE BIERCE
UGLINESS, n. A gift of the gods to certain women, entailing virtue without humility.
AMBROSE BIERCE
From the vast, invisible ocean of moonlight overhead fell, here and here, a slender, broken stream t...
AMBROSE BIERCE
He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity.
AMBROSE BIERCE
You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Edible. Good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pi...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Consult. To seek another's approval of a course already decided on.
AMBROSE BIERCE
They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Deliberation. The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
AMBROSE BIERCE
PROPHECY, n. The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Admiration; is our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
AMBROSE BIERCE
An optimist is a proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Appeal. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Wit. The salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.
AMBROSE BIERCE
To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Consul. In American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is give...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscien...
AMBROSE BIERCE
The covers of this book are too far apart.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Senate is a body of old men charged with high duties and misdemeanors.
AMBROSE BIERCE
To be positive: to be mistaken at the top of one's voice.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Censor, n. An officer of certain governments, employed to supress the works of genius. Among the Rom...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Genealogy. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his o...
AMBROSE BIERCE
DIPLOMACY, n. Lying in state, or the patriotic art of lying for one's country.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Calamities are of two kinds. Misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
AMBROSE BIERCE
YANKEE, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the So...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
AMBROSE BIERCE