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You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps.


Ambrose Bierce

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People live for eating,but I eat for survive
OM BENIWAL
People live for eating,but I eat for survive
OM BENIWAL
To be, or not to be, that is the question.
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
To be or not to be is not a question of compromise. Either you be or you don't be.
GOLDA MEIR
Be who you want to be not what others think you should be.
BILAL SAIF
A coin is examined, and only after careful deliberation, given to a beggar, whereas a child is flung...
PETER WESSEL ZAPFFE
There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.” ~ Ambrose ...
J.J. MCAVOY
I have spend a lot of time on everything and what's impresses me about people I have written that in...
DEYTH BANGER
Do I have the courage of being a ruthless man to myself with the complete knowledge on my manner or ...
FEREIDOON YAZDI
Meant to be" allows for lazy. The idea of destiny alleviates anxiety; it comforts us. We stop believ...
STEPHANIE KLEIN
To be mad is worse than not to be if this is what it is.
JOHNNY RICH
Just because you love someone doesn't mean you're meant to be together.
MICHAELA D.
Be true to yourself.Give wings of confidence & courage to your endeavour. Your strength is reflected...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA
How to be great;Think of a gigantic & unheard of idea to birth & nurture & inside it lies your great...
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN)
More than any woman I ever knew, she comforted.' -Mrs. Huxley about Emma
DEBORAH HEILIGMAN
I wish you knew how I value you; and what an inexpressible blessing it is to have one whom one can a...
DEBORAH HEILIGMAN
There is no tomorrow to remember if we don’t do something today, and to live most fully today, we ...
THOMAS S. MONSON
You know that we've got a few problems we need to talk through before we get married."

"I...
SUSAN ELIZABETH PHILLIPS
Hamlet's Cat's Soliloquy

"To go outside, and there perchance to stay
Or to re...
HENRY N. BEARD
To be or not to be. That's not really a question.
JEAN-LUC GODARD
How to be perfect;Think nothing,say nothing & do nothing.
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN)
To be rich simply means to be beneficial to others.
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN)
Like the vital rudder of a ship, we have been provided a way to determine the direction we travel. T...
THOMAS S. MONSON
And we learned that you don't have to be famous or rich or physically healthy to be a leader. You ju...
JOAN BAUER
There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the p...
EPICTETUS
To be or not to be isn't the question. The question is how to prolong being.
TOM ROBBINS
When you give, you will be blessed. When you give, it will be given back to you.
CRAIG GROESCHEL
How to be perfect;Think nothing,say nothing & do nothing.
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN)
Be true to yourself.Let your belief & thoughts for right cause are not compromised at any cost thoug...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA
Stay true to yourself.Take everyday challenge in your stride & strive to make journey of life exactl...
DR ANIL KUMAR SINHA
It's a sheer and an utter nonsense to even think or imagine that a person can gain and retain people...
ANUJ SOMANY
If you can put your mind to it anything can be achieved but to pull something out of nothing althoug...
GARY F EVANS...
How to be Great;The moment you realize & accept the ordinary fact that those doing great things toda...
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN)
How to be wealthy;Birth an idea & then take it to the market place & believe that the market place w...
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN)
We must be more and more to each other, my dear wife.' -Charles Darwin to wife Emma upon loss of dau...
DEBORAH HEILIGMAN
Kindness is the essence of greatness and the fundamental characteristic of the noblest men and women...
JOSEPH B. WIRTHLIN
Beauty—real everlasting beauty—lives not on our faces, but in our attitude and our actions. It l...
JUSTINA CHEN
To be rich simply means,to be able to meet people's need.
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN)
when your heart touched mine,I knew then we were one.
THERESA M WILSON
That's silly,' said Martha. 'Friends should always tell each other the truth.
JAMES MARSHALL
In this long eternal quest to be more like our Savior, may we try to be “perfect” men and women ...
JEFFREY R. HOLLAND
Kindness is universal. Sometimes being kind allows others to see the goodness in humanity through yo...
GERMANY KENT
The sad heart needs work to do.
JOAN BAUER
Remember that yours is not the only heart that may be wishing for love.
CAMERON DOKEY
if it doesn't come bursting out of you
in spite of everything,
don't do it.
unless it...
CHARLES BUKOWSKI
Most powerful of all powers in its holy insinuation is _being_. _To be_ is more powerful than even _...
GEORGE MACDONALD
We are far from perfect but willing to be different.
CRAIG GROESCHEL
Do you love me as the person that I am now, or do you love me as the person I used to be?
ANTHONY T. HINCKS
Not everyone has the time to be normal.
LJUPKA CVETANOVA
The Lord gives us a spirit of hope and a feeling of comfort and confidence that we can overcome the ...
L. LIONEL KENDRICK
A proverb in the Old Testament states: 'He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he t...
GORDON B. HINCKLEY
Because I want to be remembered.
SHERMAN ALEXIE
So this is going to be drill!?
DEYTH BANGER
What men and women need is encouragement. Their natural resisting powers should be strengthened, not...
ELEANOR H. PORTER
Is," "is," "is"—the idiocy of the word haunts me. If it were abolished, human thought might begin ...
ROBERT ANTON WILSON
There's nothing stupid about wanting to be loved. Believe me.
NINA LACOUR
I could not sit seriously down to write a serious Romance under any other motive than to save my lif...
JANE AUSTEN
Our opportunities to give of ourselves are indeed limitless, but they are also perishable. There are...
THOMAS S. MONSON
The heart that gives thanks is a happy one, for we cannot feel thankful and unhappy at the same time...
DOUGLAS WOOD
If you can BE your way through it, you can find your way to it.
SUZETTE VEARNON
Many people have asked me, 'How do you make a single life a happy one? My answer is, 'Create the bes...
KRISTEN MCMAIN OAKS
As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we have a responsibility to make our m...
KRISTEN MCMAIN OAKS
If you want to be happy or if you want to be miserable—either way is your choice. So choose to be ...
DEBASISH MRIDHA
Each of us is under a divinely spoken obligation to reach out with pardon and mercy and to forgive o...
DIETER F. UCHTDORF
Human is what he decides to be.
ZAMAN ALI
People know your tragedies and they treat you like
you’re not human. Like you’re a three-h...
ERIC JEROME DICKEY
Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then ...
JOSEPH SMITH JR.
Reach out and help others. If you have the power to make someone happy, do it. Be a vessel, be the c...
GERMANY KENT
No formal course in fiction-writing can equal a close and observant perusal of the stories of Edgar ...
H. P. LOVECRAFT
Don't lie to yourself?
SONYA.E.WILLIAMS
Sheep don’t need the shepherd to be what they are. The shepherd needs sheep to be what he is.
LJUPKA CVETANOVA
Be kind. We never know what people are going through. Give grace and mercy because one day your circ...
GERMANY KENT
How to be a Poet (to remind myself)

Make a place to sit down.
Sit down. Be quiet. <...
WENDELL BERRY
When there is no reason to be happy, that's all the reason you need to happy
SOTONYE ANGA
stop looking for job, create one.
SOTONYE ANGA
The quest of the Inner Ring will break your hearts unless you break it. But if you break it, a surpr...
C.S. LEWIS
Those who have a strong sense of love and belonging have the courage to be imperfect.
BRENé BROWN
If you are feeling constrained by a group that you belong to, ask yourself,
“How can I partic...
GINA GREENLEE
Well, I have lost you; and I lost you fairly;
In my own way, and with my full consent.
Say...
EDNA ST. VINCENT MILLAY
It is better to be a pragmatist than a lunatic.
DEBASISH MRIDHA
Everyone has there own good reasons for being what they are being, doing what they are doing, and ha...
LORRIN L. LEE
Be the best you can be. Do the best you can do. Have the best you can have.
LORRIN L. LEE
Yes! Very funny this terrible thing is. A man that is born falls into a dream like a man who falls i...
JOSEPH CONRAD
I know that David Tennant's Hamlet isn't till July. And lots of people are going to be doing Dr Who ...
NEIL GAIMAN
You can BE, DO, and HAVE ...absolutely ANYTHING you really, really want to BE, DO, and HAVE.
LORRIN L. LEE
You don't have to be dowdy to be a Christian
TAMMY FAYE BAKKER
You get a job when you have the right qualifications and work experience. Similarly, individuals sho...
MADDY MALHOTRA
To date or not to date that is the question. It's almost as important as Shakespeare's to be...
AL GOLDSTEIN
I don't wanna be lonely I just wanna be alone
SILVERCHAIR
It is good to be a Christian and you know it, but it is better to be a Christian and show it!
UNKNOWN
Don't be a slave to society!
ANTHONY T. HINCKS
I know now: what is is all that matters. Not the thing you know is meant to be, not what could be, n...
AUGUSTEN BURROUGHS
GoodReads is fabulous fun, so interesting, so useful ... and the best reviewers are so loving and il...
WILLIAM DONELSON
The best way to be happy is to be kind to someone.
DEBASISH MRIDHA
The game is meant to be fun.
JACK NICKLAUS
Furniture is meant to be used and enjoyed.
NATALIE MORALES
I look at things as 'Everything is meant to be.'
LIL WAYNE
Hope for the best, ‘never’ prepare for the rest, and treat yourself as present’s guest.
ANUROOP TYAGI
The capacity to be alone is the capacity to love. It may look paradoxical to you, but it's not. It i...
OSHO
What we are is what we were always meant to be, and that's writers.
ELIZABETH GEORGE

More Ambrose Bierce

WRATH, n. Anger of a superior quality and degree, appropriate to exalted characters and momentous oc...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Fidelity - a virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
AMBROSE BIERCE
RECREATION, n. A particular kind of dejection to relieve a general fatigue.
AMBROSE BIERCE
FUNERAL, n. A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and s...
AMBROSE BIERCE
... the instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his coun...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Insurance - an ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfort...
AMBROSE BIERCE
The small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify we give the name of knowledge.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking th...
AMBROSE BIERCE
The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Acquaintance: a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly un...
AMBROSE BIERCE
To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result.
AMBROSE BIERCE
A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man, who has no gills.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Politeness -- The most acceptable hypocrisy.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Laughter -- An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarti...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Alien. An American sovereign in his probationary state.
AMBROSE BIERCE
An account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly k...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Historian. A broad -- gauge gossip.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Mis...
AMBROSE BIERCE
A funeral is a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker.
AMBROSE BIERCE
An egotist is a person interested in himself than in me!
AMBROSE BIERCE
Abscond. To move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their deso...
AMBROSE BIERCE
A cynic is a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, and not as they ought to be.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Alliance. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserte...
AMBROSE BIERCE
A coward is one who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Compromise. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction o...
AMBROSE BIERCE
A bride is a woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
AMBROSE BIERCE
ALLIANCE, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply in...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo
AMBROSE BIERCE
Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscie...
AMBROSE BIERCE
One who is in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
AMBROSE BIERCE
ZENITH, n. The point in the heavens directly overhead to a man standing or a growing cabbage. A m...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Admiration, n.: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
AMBROSE BIERCE
BOUNDARY, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginar...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Faith, noun. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Education, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understa...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Happiness, noun. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE
History, n. An account mostly false, of events unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Dentist, n.: A Prestidigitator who, putting metal in one's mouth, pulls coins out of one's pockets.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Cynic, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Income is the natural and rational gauge and measure of respectability.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Optimism, n. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
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Mad, adj: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
AMBROSE BIERCE
INTIMACY, n. A relation into which fools are providentially drawn for their mutual destruction.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Litigant: a person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bone.
AMBROSE BIERCE
ZEAL, n. A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goeth b...
AMBROSE BIERCE
TELEPHONE n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeab...
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Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreea...
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I believe we shall come to care about people less and less. The more people one knows the easier it ...
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PREDICAMENT, n. The wage of consistency.
AMBROSE BIERCE
ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions. Having received an ultima...
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DIPLOMACY, n. The patriotic art of lying for one's country.
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PORTUGUESE, n.pl. A species of geese indigenous to Portugal. They are mostly without feathers and im...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Christians and camels receive their burdens kneeling
AMBROSE BIERCE
Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum - I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.
AMBROSE BIERCE
CREMONA, n. A high-priced violin made in Connecticut.
AMBROSE BIERCE
PROVIDENTIAL, adj. Unexpectedly and conspicuously beneficial to the person so describing it.
AMBROSE BIERCE
BABE or BABY, n. A misshapen creature of no particular age, sex, or condition, chiefly remarkable fo...
AMBROSE BIERCE
A wedding is a ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothi...
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PROJECTILE, n. The final arbiter in international disputes. Formerly these disputes were settled by ...
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BAAL, n. An old deity formerly much worshiped under various names. As Baal he was popular with the P...
AMBROSE BIERCE
CARTESIAN, adj. Relating to Descartes, a famous philosopher, author of the celebrated dictum, _Cogit...
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MEEKNESS, n. Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while.

M is for Moses,...
AMBROSE BIERCE
TEETOTALER, n. One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally.
AMBROSE BIERCE
TEDIUM, n. Ennui, the state or condition of one that is bored. Many fanciful derivations of the word...
AMBROSE BIERCE
MOLECULE, n. The ultimate, indivisible unit of matter. It is distinguished from the corpuscle, also ...
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FEAST, n. A festival. A religious celebration usually signalized by gluttony and drunkenness, freque...
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Vote: The instrument and symbol of a free man's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his c...
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LOQUACITY, n. A disorder which renders the sufferer unable to curb his tongue when you wish to talk.
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In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to t...
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Advice is the smallest current coin.
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SOPHISTRY, n. The controversial method of an opponent, distinguished from one's own by superior insi...
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ALDERMAN, n. An ingenious criminal who covers his secret thieving with a pretence of open marauding.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confesse...
AMBROSE BIERCE
WEATHER, n. The climate of the hour. A permanent topic of conversation among persons whom it does no...
AMBROSE BIERCE
INDECISION, n. The chief element of success; "for whereas," saith Sir Thomas Brewbold, "there is but...
AMBROSE BIERCE
LEONINE, adj. Unlike a menagerie lion. Leonine verses are those in which a word in the middle of a l...
AMBROSE BIERCE
PILLORY, n. A mechanical device for inflicting personal distinction --prototype of the modern newspa...
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APPLAUSE, n. The echo of a platitude.
AMBROSE BIERCE
WORSHIP, n. Homo Creator's testimony to the sound construction and fine finish of Deus Creatus. A po...
AMBROSE BIERCE
MISERICORDE, n. A dagger which in mediaeval warfare was used by the foot soldier to remind an unhors...
AMBROSE BIERCE
ELECTOR, n. One who enjoys the sacred privilege of voting for the man of another man's choice.
AMBROSE BIERCE
ORPHAN, n. A living person whom death has deprived of the power of filial ingratitude . . .
AMBROSE BIERCE
ENCOMIAST, n. A special (but not particular) kind of liar.
AMBROSE BIERCE
TEDIUM, n. Ennui, the state or condition of one that is bored. Many fanciful derivations of the word...
AMBROSE BIERCE
DEGENERATE, adj. Less conspicuously admirable than one's ancestors. The contemporaries of Homer were...
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ALIEN, n. An American sovereign in his probationary state.
AMBROSE BIERCE
ASS, n. A public singer with a good voice but no ear. In Virginia City, Nevada, he is called the Was...
AMBROSE BIERCE
PAST, n. That part of Eternity with some small fraction of which we have a slight and regrettable ac...
AMBROSE BIERCE
APPETITE, n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question.
AMBROSE BIERCE
CAABA, n. A large stone presented by the archangel Gabriel to the patriarch Abraham, and preserved a...
AMBROSE BIERCE
ADOLESCENCE The stage between puberty and adultery.
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CREMONA, n. A high-priced violin made in Connecticut.
AMBROSE BIERCE
ROPE, n. An obsolescent appliance for reminding assassins that they too are mortal. It is put about ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
REALISM, n. The art of depicting nature as it is seem by toads. The charm suffusing a landscape pain...
AMBROSE BIERCE
BAAL, n. An old deity formerly much worshiped under various names. As Baal he was popular with the P...
AMBROSE BIERCE
HYDRA, n. A kind of animal that the ancients catalogued under many heads.
AMBROSE BIERCE
FREEDOM, n. Exemption from the stress of authority in a beggarly half dozen of restraint's infinite ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
MEEKNESS, n. Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while.M is for Moses, Who slew th...
AMBROSE BIERCE
WIDOW, n. A pathetic figure that the Christian world has agreed to take humorously, although Christ'...
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FRIENDLESS, adj. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth an...
AMBROSE BIERCE
CONSULT, v.i. To seek another's disapproval of a course already decided on.
AMBROSE BIERCE
PREDICAMENT, n. The wage of consistency.
AMBROSE BIERCE
BASILISK, n. The cockatrice. A sort of serpent hatched form the egg of a cock. The basilisk had a ba...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Strike while your employer has a big contract.
AMBROSE BIERCE
EDITOR, n. A person who combines the judicial functions of Minos, Rhadamanthus and Aeacus, but is pl...
AMBROSE BIERCE
COMMONWEALTH, n. An administrative entity operated by an incalculable multitude of political parasit...
AMBROSE BIERCE
ERUDITION, n. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.So wide his erudition's mighty span, He ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
PORTUGUESE, n.pl. A species of geese indigenous to Portugal. They are mostly without feathers and im...
AMBROSE BIERCE
POSTERITY, n. An appellate court which reverses the judgment of a popular author's contemporaries, t...
AMBROSE BIERCE
ICONOCLAST, n. A breaker of idols, the worshipers whereof are imperfectly gratified by the performan...
AMBROSE BIERCE
FELON, n. A person of greater enterprise than discretion, who in embracing an opportunity has formed...
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IMPOSTOR n. A rival aspirant to public honors.
AMBROSE BIERCE
DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set.A leaf was ri...
AMBROSE BIERCE
DIGESTION, n. The conversion of victuals into virtues. When the process is imperfect, vices are evol...
AMBROSE BIERCE
CONVERSATION, n. A fair to the display of the minor mental commodities, each exhibitor being too int...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Egotism, n: Doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with a pen.
AMBROSE BIERCE
PRIMATE, n. The head of a church, especially a State church supported by involuntary contributions. ...
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ARCHBISHOP, n. An ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop.If I were a jolly archbish...
AMBROSE BIERCE
SCEPTER, n. A king's staff of office, the sign and symbol of his authority. It was originally a mace...
AMBROSE BIERCE
BLANK-VERSE, n. Unrhymed iambic pentameters --the most difficult kind of English verse to write acce...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
AMBROSE BIERCE
DISCRIMINATE, v.i. To note the particulars in which one person or thing is, if possible, more object...
AMBROSE BIERCE
NOTORIETY, n. The fame of one's competitor for public honors. The kind of renown most accessible and...
AMBROSE BIERCE
USAGE, n. The First Person of the literary Trinity, the Second and Third being Custom and Convention...
AMBROSE BIERCE
SENATE, n. A body of elderly gentlemen charged with high duties and misdemeanors.
AMBROSE BIERCE
RICE-WATER, n. A mystic beverage secretly used by our most popular novelists and poets to regulate t...
AMBROSE BIERCE
HUMANITY, n. The human race, collectively, exclusive of the anthropoid poets.
AMBROSE BIERCE
There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.
AMBROSE BIERCE
MILLENNIUM, n. The period of a thousand years when the lid is to be screwed down, with all reformers...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Christian: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to t...
AMBROSE BIERCE
OPTIMIST, n. A proponent of the doctrine that black is white. A pessimist applied to God for relief....
AMBROSE BIERCE
OPTIMIST, n. A proponent of the doctrine that black is white. A pessimist applied to God for relief.
AMBROSE BIERCE
Infidel, n. In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one ...
AMBROSE BIERCE
Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, c...
AMBROSE BIERCE
In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary, patriotism is defined as the last refuge of a scoundrel. With a...
AMBROSE BIERCE
LAZINESS, n. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.
AMBROSE BIERCE
PEDIGREE, n. The known part of the route from an arboreal ancestor with a swim bladder to an urban d...
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ACCUSE, v.t. To affirm another's guilt or unworth; most commonly as a justification of ourselves for...
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EMBALM, v.i. To cheat vegetation by locking up the gases upon which it feeds. By embalming their dea...
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SERIAL, n. A literary work, usually a story that is not true, creeping through several issues of a n...
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ACQUAINTANCE, n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A...
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PANTALOONS, n. A nether habiliment of the adult civilized male. The garment is tubular and unprovide...
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BOUNTY, n. The liberality of one who has much, in permitting one who has nothing to get all that he ...
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EXTINCTION, n. The raw material out of which theology created the future state.
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ROBBER, n. A candid man of affairs. It is related of Voltaire that one night he and some traveling c...
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Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
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LUNARIAN, n. An inhabitant of the moon, as distinguished from Lunatic, one whom the moon inhabits. T...
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WINE, n. Fermented grape-juice known to the Women's Christian Union as "liquor," sometimes as "rum."...
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QUORUM, n. A sufficient number of members of a deliberative body to have their own way and their own...
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Land: A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property su...
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ARRAYED, pp. Drawn up and given an orderly disposition, as a rioter hanged to a lamppost.
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PREDILECTION, n. The preparatory stage of disillusion.
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Pitted against hard drinking Christians the abstemious Mahometans go down like grass before the scyt...
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Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
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Opportunity is a favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.
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UGLINESS, n. A gift of the gods to certain women, entailing virtue without humility.
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From the vast, invisible ocean of moonlight overhead fell, here and here, a slender, broken stream t...
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He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity.
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Edible. Good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pi...
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Consult. To seek another's approval of a course already decided on.
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They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.
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Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity.
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Deliberation. The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
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PROPHECY, n. The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery.
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Admiration; is our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
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Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
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An optimist is a proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
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Appeal. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.
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Wit. The salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.
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To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.
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The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
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Consul. In American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is give...
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Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscien...
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The covers of this book are too far apart.
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The Senate is a body of old men charged with high duties and misdemeanors.
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To be positive: to be mistaken at the top of one's voice.
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Censor, n. An officer of certain governments, employed to supress the works of genius. Among the Rom...
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Genealogy. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his o...
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Woman absent is woman dead.
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DIPLOMACY, n. Lying in state, or the patriotic art of lying for one's country.
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Calamities are of two kinds. Misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
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YANKEE, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the So...
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Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy.
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Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
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