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You know, it's hard work to write a book. I can't tell you how many times I really get going on an idea, then my quill breaks. Or I spill ink all over my writing tunic. No wonder I drink so much! Then I get so drunk, I can barely feed the baby.

That's what I call myself when I'm drunk, "The Baby.


Ellen DeGeneres

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You know, it's hard work to write a book. I can't tell you how many times I really get going on an i...
ELLEN DEGENERES
How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it.
That is the supreme value of history. The study of it is the best guarantee against repeating it.
It is hard to look up to a leader who keeps his ear to the ground.
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We always have been, we are, and I hope that we always shall be detested in France.
There's no money in poetry, but there's no poetry in money, either.
Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply becau...
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We never shall have any more time we have, and we have always had, all the time there is.
To read your own poetry in public is a kind of mental incest.
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Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
ERROR: No such quotation number.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
Upon those who step into the same rivers different and ever different waters flow down.
An intelligence service is, in fact, a stupidity service.
The race is not [always] to the swift, nor the battle to the strong.
A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops.
Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that y...
Start every day with a smile and get it over with.
If you had the seeds of pestilence in your body you would not have a more active contagion that you ...
Nature is the most thrifty thing in the world; she never wastes anything; she undergoes change, but ...
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If you can read this, thank a teacher.
To see what is right and not to do it, is want of courage.
The most valuable things in life are not measured in monetary terms. The really important things are...
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Only those who have the patience to do simple things perfectly ever acquire the skill to do difficul...
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Beware of the man who knows the answer before he understands the question.
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A little tact and wise management may often evade resistance, and carry a point, where direct force ...
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You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take yo...
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Success isn't necessarily permanent - but neither is failure.
A recent survey was said to prove that the people we Americans most admire are our politicians and d...
Freedom also includes the right to mismanage your own affairs.
Let your friends be the friends of your deliberate choice.
If happiness could be brought, few of us could pay the price.
Happiness is in the heart, not in the circumstances.
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
Hatred is a boomerang which is sure to hit you harder than the one at whom you throw it.
To feel "fit as a fiddle" you must tone down your middle.
Our health always seems much more valuable after we lose it.
Imagination was given man to compensate for what he is not, and a sense of humor to console him for ...
It isn't easy for an idea to squeeze itself into a head filled with prejudice.
Imagination is the pontoon bridge making way for the timid feet of reason.
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When you laugh, be sure to laugh at what people do and not at what people are.
Outstanding leaders appeal to the hearts of their followers - not their minds.
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No one finds life worth living; he must make it worth living.
Life is tragic for those who have plenty to live on and nothing to live for.
After all, life is really simple; we ourselves create the circumstances that complicate it.
Opportunities are often missed because we are broadcasting when we should be listening.
If marriage is your object,
You'd better start loving your subject.
The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.
Love is to man an embarrassment, even a word; it is to a woman an excuse for existence, especially t...
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So live that your memories will be part of your happiness.
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Nature abhors a vacuum. When a head lacks brains, nature fills it with conceit.
One of the weaknesses of our age is our apparent inability to distinguish our need from our greed.
Opinions are the cheapest commodities in the world.
He that boasts of his own knowledge proclaims his ignorance
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Shortchange your education now and you may be short of change the rest of your life.
The only person worth envying is he person who doesn't envy.
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Like threads of silver seen through crystal beads
Let love through good deeds show.
Character consists of what you do on the third and forth tries.
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The most wasted day of all is that in which we have not laughed.
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...all life is only a set of pictures in the brain, among which there is no difference betwixt those...
You have dreamed too well, O wise archdreamer, for you have drawn dream's gods away from the world o...
The most merciful thing in the world . . . is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its c...
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ELLEN DEGENERES
The sixties were when hallucinogenic drugs were really, really big. And I don't think it's a coincid...
ELLEN DEGENERES
"I don't understand the sizes anymore. There's a size zero, which I didn't even know that they had. ...
ELLEN DEGENERES
We've quit our agents, let go of our publicist. We're selling our house and leaving town.
ELLEN DEGENERES
There are a million people who are refugees, ... Life goes on, and if it didn't impact you directly,...
ELLEN DEGENERES
"Here's the analogy. If my body were a car, I'd be thinking about trading it in around now. I would ...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Faith is part of who I am, yes. I was raised Christian Scientist. The most important thing I saw eve...
ELLEN DEGENERES
its like picking your least favorite color of the rainbow
ELLEN DEGENERES
If we're destroying our trees and destroying our environment and hurting animals and hurting one...
ELLEN DEGENERES
That's what life is all about. There's a lot of crying. So you'd better cry now and get used to it.
ELLEN DEGENERES
The first time probably people really were aware of me, I unfortunately had the title of Showtime...
ELLEN DEGENERES
I'm on the patch right now. Where it releases small dosages of approval until I no longer crave ...
ELLEN DEGENERES
The first house I bought was a little Spanish bungalow on Clinton Street in West Hollywood, right be...
ELLEN DEGENERES
True beauty is about who you are as a human being, your principles, your moral compass.
ELLEN DEGENERES
Sometimes the greatest things are the most embarrassing.
ELLEN DEGENERES
Do you live each day as if it's your first or your last? Either way you should probably have a diape...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Some people believe that to find happiness, you should live each day of your life as if it's your la...
ELLEN DEGENERES
Quick decision makers are often stuck behind annoying people in line at Starbucks.
ELLEN DEGENERES
Emote. It's okay. It shows you are thinking and feeling.
ELLEN DEGENERES