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You know you're a hot mess when the only person buying you drinks all night is yourself.


Chelsea Handler

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Undeveloped, the whole thing,tossed into a box before we really had a chance to know what we had, an...
DANIEL HANDLER
I started making plans, thinking we would get that far.
DANIEL HANDLER
Stop saying no offense,” I said, “when you say offensive things. It’s not a free pass.
DANIEL HANDLER
The idea was women on boats. Lifeline Cruises pitched itself to women seeking adventure, whether a d...
DANIEL HANDLER
I know you can't see it, not you, Ed, but maybe if I tell you the whole plot you'll understand it th...
DANIEL HANDLER
The way Sunny speaks in the books seems a perfect fit for the cause in question. She often uses word...
DANIEL HANDLER
And she has a fairly consistent political agenda. She's a baby, so individual liberty is a developin...
DANIEL HANDLER
I guess it's funny how life turns out?" she tried. "Not last I checked," Errol said with a snort.
DANIEL HANDLER
I listen to Morricone, the famed Italian film composer, while I'm working.
DANIEL HANDLER
Watch Your Mouth.
DANIEL HANDLER
Either you have the feeling or you don't. Hawk Davies
DANIEL HANDLER
When you start writing a picture book, you have to write a manuscript that has enough language to pr...
DANIEL HANDLER
I was interested in finding ways to do dark comedy that were actually dark and comic.
DANIEL HANDLER
I think books that are meant to be read in the nighttime ought to confront the very fears that we...
DANIEL HANDLER
...there's not enough ink and paper to say all I wanted.
DANIEL HANDLER
I hadn't even been looking, not for you, and now you were my heart's desire.
DANIEL HANDLER
Someone can break your heart, leave you dead on the lawn, and still you never learn what to say to s...
DANIEL HANDLER
How wrong to think I was anyone else, like thinking grass stains make you a beautiful view, like get...
DANIEL HANDLER
It was a secret time and place, you next to me, untraceable and out of this world.
DANIEL HANDLER
I’m not a romantic, I’m a half-wit. Only stupid people would think I’m smart. I’m not someth...
DANIEL HANDLER
Ed, it was everything, those nights on the phone, everything we said until late became later and the...
DANIEL HANDLER
I write longhand on legal pads, about half at home and half in cafes. I drink a lot of water and eat...
DANIEL HANDLER
I like writing for movies. It's nice to be alone working on fiction in your room, and then it...
DANIEL HANDLER
'The Long Goodbye' is one book I like to read over and over again, and it was an enormous in...
DANIEL HANDLER
If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the ...
DANIEL HANDLER
The first sort of big present I remember getting from Santa Claus was quite a small telescope that I...
CHELSEA CLINTON
My parents always asked me what I thought, listened to my opinions, articulated their diagnoses of o...
CHELSEA CLINTON
The evidence is overwhelming that it should be deemed as such: solitary confinement in the U.S. is a...
CHELSEA MANNING
Suffrage is not a right afforded to everyone. Rather, voting is a privilege in the United States - a...
CHELSEA MANNING
The best thing about being a DJ is making people happy. There is nothing like seeing people get up f...
CHELSEA LEYLAND
I've been a huge fan of Marc Jacobs for many, many years, even going back to when I was wearing ...
CHELSEA MANNING
I love the fact that we are surrounded by this spectacular natural beauty that routinely strikes us ...
CHELSEA CAIN
And every day that I spend as Charlotte and Aiden's mother, I think about my own mother, my wond...
CHELSEA CLINTON
Determination gets you a long way.
CHELSEA CLINTON
When I chose to disclose classified information, I did so out of a love for my country and a sense o...
CHELSEA MANNING
When I say that I went to grad school in Iowa City, people often assume that I went to the famed wri...
CHELSEA CAIN
As a young queer kid growing up, I explored my identity through the Chicago and Washington, D.C., cl...
CHELSEA MANNING
I do really well in the traditional board games: Backgammon, Checkers.
CHELSEA CLINTON
I find the fact that more than 750,000 children still die every year around the world because of sev...
CHELSEA CLINTON
I think that with podcasts, a lot of things are about fostering and having a direct connection with ...
CHELSEA PERETTI
We're goof balls. We don't really care a whole lot about what's going on around us, as long as we're...
CHELSEA DAVIS
Movies were movies, whether they were old or new. They always captivated me, pulled me into worlds w...
CHELSEA SEDOTI
Sleep is the real beauty secret, but I don't get enough of that.
CHELSEA LEYLAND
No matter what fabulous place I visit, I don't feel like I'm on vacation unless I'm dehy...
CHELSEA CAIN
I'm a sucker for a screwed-up protagonist. We all have issues.
CHELSEA CAIN
Counter-insurgency warfare is not a simple thing... it's not as simple as, like, good guys versu...
CHELSEA MANNING