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As a kid, I knew I wanted to be either a cartoonist or an astronaut. The latter was never much of a possibility, as I don't even like riding in elevators.


Bill Watterson

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BILL WATTERSON
Happiness is being famous for your financial ability to indulge in every kind of excess.
BILL WATTERSON
Calvin: Why are you crying mom?
Mom: I'm cutting up an onion.
Calvin: It must be hard to c...
BILL WATTERSON
As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a tes...
BILL WATTERSON
You know, sometimes the world seems like a pretty mean place.'

'That's why animals are s...
BILL WATTERSON
CALVIN:
This whole Santa Claus thing just doesn't make sense. Why all the secrecy? Why all the ...
BILL WATTERSON
Some days you get up and you already know that things aren't going to go well. They're the type of d...
BILL WATTERSON
There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.
BILL WATTERSON
Verbing weirds language.
BILL WATTERSON
Mom says death is as natural as birth, and it's all part of the life cycle.
She says we don't r...
BILL WATTERSON
I hope some historian will confirm that I was the first cartoonist to use the word 'booger' in a new...
BILL WATTERSON
Until you stalk and overrun, you cannot devour anyone.

-Hobbes
BILL WATTERSON
County library? Reference desk, please. Hello? Yes, I need a word definition. Well, that's the probl...
BILL WATTERSON
Calvin: "I read this library book you got me."
Calvin's Mom: "What did you think of it?"
C...
BILL WATTERSON
I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long.
BILL WATTERSON
You know what's the rage this year? ...Hats.
BILL WATTERSON
It's going to be a grim day when the world is run by a generation that doesn't know anything but wha...
BILL WATTERSON
Hold it. You know what I'd like to see? I'd like to see the three bears eat the three little pigs, a...
BILL WATTERSON
I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know.
BILL WATTERSON
In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.
BILL WATTERSON
My book is called, "Shut Up And Stop Whining: How To Do Something With Your Life Besides Think About...
BILL WATTERSON
S...For Stupendous!
T...For Tiger, ferocity of!
U...For Underwear, Red!
P...For Power...
BILL WATTERSON
Don't look into car headlights and freeze, because you'll either get run over or shot!
BILL WATTERSON
Like delicate lace,
So the threads intertwine,
Oh, gossamer web
Of wond'rous design!<...
BILL WATTERSON
You know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change, but pretty soon...everything's different...
BILL WATTERSON
That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse.
BILL WATTERSON
If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, I'll bet they'd live a lot differe...
BILL WATTERSON
Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around.
BILL WATTERSON
I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, ...
BILL WATTERSON
I wish I had more friends, but people are such jerks. If you can just get most people to leave you a...
BILL WATTERSON
Some people are pragmatists, taking things as they come and making the best of the choices available...
BILL WATTERSON
I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can play ...
BILL WATTERSON
Leave it to a girl to take the fun out of sex discrimination.
BILL WATTERSON
Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend.
BILL WATTERSON
I know the world isn't fair, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?
BILL WATTERSON
There is not enough time to do all the nothing we want to do.
BILL WATTERSON
The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present.
BILL WATTERSON
Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.
BILL WATTERSON
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
BILL WATTERSON
There's no problem so awful that you can't add some guilt to it and make it even worse!
BILL WATTERSON